Experiences of attending a 'socially & diverse school' when your child is in the minority

[cookiemonstress]

Hoping for anyone who can give me some insights on the realities of attending a school described as ?very culturally and socially diverse?.

Background is that we have to apply for schools by end of Jan and have narrowed it down to two schools, one is our closest school and the other is the next closest (less than .1 km) so we are more or less guaranteed to get a place at whichever one we apply to.

The first school, our local one, is doing really well. A few years back it was on special measures but a new head came in and has made seismic change, it has been recognised as one of the best improved schools in the country. This years KS2 results were fantastic and it has brilliant added value in terms of music, IT etc. DD1 currently goes to the pre-school and I love it. DD1 is doing really well and genuinely enjoys her time there. So where is the problem? Ofsted emphasize that the school is ?very socially and culturally diverse? and in terms of demographics, DD1 (based on my observations) is very much in the minority. My concern is that this ultimately may make it harder for her to have friendships that extend beyond the classroom etc. To date, there have been no offers of playdates etc from the other parent, despite my attempts to orchestrate (friendly type of approach, not pushy)..

The second school we could choose, is much smaller (one form intake) and has a much more ?middle class? intake. In terms of parents and friendships, it?s a fairly safe bet but the school?s offers very little in added value and despite having a new head, lacks a lot of the vision. I almost feel disloyal to our closest school for even considering it.

I want to stres that this is NOT a snobby thing on my part (both dh and myself come from socially deprived backgrounds). I?m passionate in wanting to support our local school and I want the dc to experience diversity and have knowledge to all walks of life. But I also want them to have the opportunity to experience friendships that can develop outside of the classroom and I know that this can be more of a challenge if there is significant differences in backgrounds.

Musings, views, experiences v welcomed! Please tell me I'm worrying too much!

if the school is sufficiently diverse then there is a true sense in which EVERYONE is a minority.

The first school sounds much better.

The social stuff will no doubt come when your child is old enough to make genuine friendships and instigate these things herself. (Play dates at pre-school age - vastly overrated, imo, and seem more for the usually middle class parents benefit, really...)

Being white middle class (assume you are) in a multi cultural school isn't a disadvantage. I'm sure she'll have a great time.

I think it's very likely you are worrying too much. It sounds like a lovely school. Go for it. My children are white British and have been in the minority in both their primary schools to date and it doesn't seem to have interfered with friendships. Birthday parties are the key to getting playdates and the like established, ime.

IMHO you should go for the first school - it sounds great.

Also if your DD goes to the second, she might be left out for "having the kind of parents who seriously considered the first school". (Voice of experience here: couldn't stand the little facists kids at my 'middle class' middle school which I went to after the successful primary on the poverty-stricken local estate, and they didn't like me either)...

The dcs attend a culturally diverse school. Ds2 could be seen as being in a minority as he is one of just 2 white children in his class. But in fact the class of 15 probably has representatives of 7 or 8 different cultures, possibly more.

As far as playground friendshops go, then this has had no impact on the dcs. They love school and have a good selection of friends.

However in terms of out of school friendships I would have to say that it is more noticable that these do often seem to arise within similar cultural groups, though this is usually led by parents. In my experience (admittedly limited to this current school, so could be unrepresentative elsewhere) it is unusual for Asian children to cross the divide outside of school - and some children will not even attend birthday parties of say non-Muslim children.

I have usually found that if I strike up a level of friendship with the parent then there is no problem with then having playdates etc with the children. That said there are still some parents who definitely to not want to mix which is fair enough.

In terms of whether it is a problem in part it will depend on the personality of your child and the other children in their class 9which of course you can't predict). Ds1's class expereince has been incredibly positive and he has made good friends. Ds2 (who is a much quieter character) has found it difficult especially as he invites people on playdates and then these can never be organised. But he has other friends from other activities.

I would have thought that the nursery of school 1 would have given you a feel for the particular mix that you are likely to experience?

Thanks so much for all responses. All very helpful and reassuring Our instinct tells us to go for number 1. As a school, I can't fault it and we'll let the social side run its course. She is making friends at pre-school and I'm hoping that out of 30 children, she'll find someone to be friends with!

Thanks again.