DS finally admitted why he is so unhappy this week

[BennyAndJoon]

and it is because he is being excluded from play with his friends.

His friends are not excluding him, it is children from another class, who are running the footy game or whatever. They include his friends but not him, infact tell him he can't join in.

I have told him that I am going to tell his teacher about it tomorrow. He doesn't want me to as "Mr J always wants to get to the bottom of it and find out who is to blame" kind of thing, but I have to deal with it.

Is it OK if I ask Mr J to get someone else to "notice" what is going on so that DS hasn't "told"?

What do we think?

I may go to bed - so sorry if I don't answer. I will be back early tomorrow

[Uriel]

Could you ask Mr J and the other class teacher to give each class a general talk on not excluding kids?

[gigglewitch]

just what i was thinking too - a general thing on 'including everyone' and 'helping people' etc etc might be the way to start with this one

Good that he told you. Now you need to keep his trust cos they hate us going in with guns blazing etc etc. We've started discussing and agreeing what i'm going to say and to whom, in stuff like this. It stops them being frightened of mum going and causing a fuss

[LittleBella]

B&J - I had exactly this problem.

my thread here

I wrote to the form teacher and immediately got invited in. She's tackling it this week by giving him a ball so that he's the one with the ball and other boys want to join him. So far it is working, she says if it doesn't she'll do something else.

Please do something and get Mr J to without dropping DS in it, in my case it's been going on for absolutely ages and I wish I'd not been so diffident about dealing with it earlier. The difference in DS's attitude this week is quite astonishing and I feel like such an idiot for not having insisted on something being done earlier.

If Mr J doesn't handle it properly (IE not make a big deal that DS has told, which he certainly shouldn't do) then put all your concerns in writing. I found that talking to the teachers simply didn't help, they only took it seriously when there was a written record.

[BennyAndJoon]

He knows that I am not going to cause a fuss

but the school do need to know

maybe I will just let them decide how to deal, knowing that he doesn't want to be a tell tale

they are usually very good, and were brilliant with his bit bro some years ago

But I have said to him that he should always tell an adult and the adults will work out a way to deal with it and make it all OK, so I hope we don't fuck it up

[LittleBella]

TBH Mr J should be intelligent enough not to frame it in such a way that it comes across as your DS having "told".

I think most teachers nowadays (all teachers in theory, actually) are well aware of how important that aspect of dealing with bullying is.

[gigglewitch]

sounds like you've got it about right then
lucky to have a good school - we do too, and it is an absolute godsend when you mention something (in a not too stressed way) and they're on to it.

[LittleBella]

And yes, the school definitely need to know.

The behaviour can become entrenched if it's not nipped in the bud.

They've all got used to the sight of my DS sitting by himself reading and assume that that's what he wants to do.

It simply didn't occur to most people to do something about it until I wrote a letter saying why it needed something done about it.

[Raalix]

As a teacher, I always ask a pupil when they report the misconduct of others if they want me to tackle the problem head on or wait and try to catch them in the act.

If Mr J can be vigilant and wait for the right moment, his intervention will be absolutely spot on.

[BennyAndJoon]

You are all right - and I trust the teacher to deal with it sensitively.

Just rang school and he is not in though, he is on a course.

Probably will have to wait until monday now.

[BennyAndJoon]

Deputy head called me back. They are going to deal with it quietly today. Alert the lunchtime supervisors and the teachers of the classes involved. And get mr J to deal with it more directly if needed on Monday.

[gigglewitch]

good school. Tis nice to hear progress being made