I made a decision and have chosen a primary school for DS, but i'm still feeling worried, does this mean it's not the right school or would i worry anyway?

[Dragonbrandybutter]

The school we've chosen is close to home, DS prefers it, the head seems nice and today's visit went well and i felt reassured that it was a good school. a great school even. but i've got a niggle and i don't know what it is.

I'm still worried about how he is going to settle there. He hates change and new situations, he reacts badly. I think he has autistic traits but probably not enough to get a diagnosis at this stage. I discussed this with the head and she felt that the gradual process of starting school would solve the problem.

But i'm worried.

PFB?

He starts in september 2009.

TBH I think you should stay alert to your instincts.
FWIW I have always been very excited about my DCs starting at the schools we chose so would pay heed to any niggles.

Of course when my DS2 started school it was absoloutely hideous as staring at a special needs school had never been my plan IYSWIM but I still felt very comfortable that is was the right place for him.
Keep an eye. It may just be your concerns about his additional possible needs but I always listen to my instincts !

Do you think that there could be a school where you wouldn't worry about him settling in? Or is it just that the whole process of him starting school anywhere is something you have concerns about? If he hates change and new situations, then I suspect that there isn't any school you could look round and think "Wow, there'll be absolutely no issues with this", so you can only choose the best from what is available to you, and accept that it may not be 100% smooth sailing because of his personality.

I think he would possibly struggle with the initial start of school anywhere.
It's not the social side of things as he's very sociable and confident with other adults and children.
It's more that he lacks confidence in new activities. He then gets really cross and won't try things until he's fairly confident he's going to get them right.

This week at nursery DH put his lunch in a different lunchbox and he got really worried at lunchtime. He also only eats tuna sandwiches at nursery and any deviation from this results in tears and tantrums. He also gave him an old coat and not the one he usually wears. He refused to wear it and didn't get to go outside.
I just don't know if this sort of thing is normal or not.

It's normal to worry. You will probably cry a lot over trivia between now and school start as well. It's a big lifestage you are facing, and it's scary to see your baby step into the big wide world. But he'll be fine!
If you are worried about his development, ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician from the GP. It would help him at school if he does have a difference if everyone knows what it is.

Just to confuse things we went along to one of the feeder pre-schools for the school and it was really fab. it's been taken over by a new head since we looked around last year and didn't like it.
he currently goes to a montessori nursery about 5miles away so none of his nursery friends will be going to the same primary school as him.
if he goes to the preschool that feeds to the primary i think i'll feel more happy about the transition into school.
DS says he wants to go to the new nursery and school!

would it be too harsh to just switch nurseries at the end of term. DS seems to be unbothered about it but i'm not sure he understands.
what if i made an effort to keep in touch with his current friends and we got the kids together socially out of nursery?

i went to the nursery this afternoon

Honestly, these sorts of worries are really common, but I promise you, your ds will have the odd wobble when settling in - nearly all children do - but he will make new friends better than you'll believe, he'll be tired, grumpy sometimes, but join in with everyone and grow up so fast. Try to relax and there is no need at all to swap nurseries. Yes, by all means get some kids round, but it will be OK even if you don't.

the nursery swap isn't just for that reason though. DH has been made redundant and i'm off back to work and need the car.
it would be much more convenient if i didn't have to drive him 10 mins in the wrong direction before going to work.
DH could walk him there.

Thanks for the reassurances.
He just seems tired and grumpy so much these days, i suppose it's normal for me to worry why.

No school is perfect and parents always worry, so this sounds normal to me.

The main thing is you are all happy enough and your kid has at least one friend!