Article about boys "dramatically" lagging behind girls by age five

[VictoriaMeldrew]

A family member waved this at me last week. It struck a chord since DS, four, who's bright and articulate, is not yet that interested in holding a pen, structured, formal learning or sitting still. I don't want his self-esteem to be knocked because the things that are valued in school are not the things he is able to deliver yet (and the things he's great at - like maths - don't even get a bloody look-in this year!).

What do other mums think? And any primary teachers? Interested to hear others' thoughts on this. Thanks.

Oh there is a lot of literature about this. DS goes to a boys' school and the teachers have recently had an inset day on strategies to engage boys in learning.

As a parent I worried terribly about this - forever comparing DS to his bright engaging older sister.

I still worry about it tremendously. But today he came top of his fiercely academic year in a maths exam. I'm very proud of him. Maybe we should relax because they'll find their way in the end.

clearly classrooms are not geared up to bring out boy's potential.

They need more space to move about and should be allowed to sit on the floor rather than at a table for more activities.

DS in reception and just about interested in holding a pen whereas the girls have been doing it since nursery and can now produce lovely accurate drawings and writing.

If we sit on the floor, he'll produce neat paintings, drawings, writing.
I have not read too much about this but clearly there a spatial element in the boys' approach to learning.
I can see him circling around that piece of paper, seing it from different angles, different dimensions.
Its probably why you see more boys at construction games/ puzzles etc.

It seems like movement helps the learning process?

would love to hear input from teachers and other mums.

Thanks, Quattro. Boys-only learning not an option for us. DS goes to the local primary where, as a young four, fine motor skills and how he uses his pen, and sitting still, are already a big deal. Thoroughly wrong, IME, as many of the kids are simply not developmentally able to "perform" in this respect yet, and can end up feeling unjustly inadequate alongside a couple of their peers, who are only just beginning to master small, neat hand-writing; what the minority are capable of achieving, seems to dictate the target and yardstick for all. Sigh. I'm sure, as you say, that DS will find his way in the end - maybe I'm mollycoddling, but I just don't want his rightful confidence in himself to be knocked along the way, IYSWIM.

You are entirely right to worry about this. My worry was that my DS would become disengaged academically and feel that academic work was not for him.

I was staggered to discover how big the gap is between boys and girls. But you know all schools are aware of this issue. Have you tried talking to the school?

Which is why I fully support home-ed. School just doesn't work for many young children - especially boys.

It doesn't have to be that way. DS is 7 and one of the youngest in his year. He thrives at his school, because (IMO) they value his enthusiasm and love of learning above sitting quietly and writing neatly. They're just starting to get a bit strict with him now, in year 3, about the writing.

As a secondary science teacher my favourites are all sparky boys.

Quattro, that you should feel this way!

There are a lot of things you can do at home to encourage an "academic" attitude.

Agree with FallenMadonna about enthusiasm.

Ds only 5 but we constantly play "I spy" around a large number of themes and to encourage spelling/reading.
What they visualise and abstractly classify in their minds is just as important.

We also occasionally do "research" and "presentation boards" on various themes by cutting/sticking bits and pieces and drawing (ie: seasons / Xmas / Basketball..........)
That involves identifying words and images and matching them etc......

Yes, you are all right!

There is alot of research showing that boys think differently to girls and that they are much more kinaesthetic learners (learning through doing/moving). They are also not generally physically ready for the learning to read/write/sit still at a table processes until 6 or 7.

My DS and the vast majority of boys I have encountered in my professional capacity are like this. But still schools and the education process are geared up for the way that most girls learn

ds1 who is a was 4 in june has started reception this year. if i chose to compare him to his female friends i would be in a tailspin of anxiety. his friends are more advanced in reading, writing and drawing and actively seek the teachers attention about the things they have done or are doing. a lot of his male friends are quite advanced too but most of his friends are november babies and have all turned 5 recently.

my ds is bright, inquisitive, good at problems solving small tasks, engaging and actually quite an interesting child to talk to, but hes 4 years old!!!!

he is not interested in sitting down and doind pictures...but hes interested in solving how percy is going to get to thomas across his train tracks IYKWIM

things we do at home are lots of rhyming or i spy...begining with the sound rather than the letter.

he will catch up!!!

his dad is extremely clever, i'm not an academic but i have two degrees so hopefully between nature and nurture he will be alright...however i plan to stay off his back till hes about 7 or 8...probably wont go down terribly well amongst the famil a lot of who are retired teachers (my mother was a P1 teacher for 15years. then head then school inspector...so lots of advice there)

FallenMadonna - your son's school sounds great. They really aren't all the same in this respect, though; ds's school seems to value the sitting still branch of things over the enthusiasm.

DS's teacher has a lot of young boys in this year's intake, and I think is struggling: lots of square pegs for round holes! And talk of "behaviour problems" already with respect to some of the boys, which I find - the labelling has begun. And yet I'm sure many of these outbursts and quirks (loudly protesting at "having" to do a fine motor skills task requiring a fair bit of concentration, not being able to sit still, etc) are simply illustrative of the ill fit that school is for this stage of boys' development.

Home ed has crossed my mind, Teeny. Not altogether sure it could be practical at the moment, though.

Tilly, it's exasperating, isn't it? I have been so fired up about it lately that I'm thinking of writing to my MP and starting a petition! WHY this system, coupled with all the whining in the media about boys underperforming year on year blah, blah ... when there's a body of research indicating that the system is wrong for the majority of boys' natural paths of development. Doh. Change the system. Grrr.

Thanks for your thoughts, wider. I'm sure many of these boys will catch up and find their feet, as you say; I just think it's sad that they have to in a more exaggerated fashion than would be necessary in a more boy-friendly (and obviously girl-friendly too) school system. And of course some will not find their feet, when they otherwise might have done in a more appropriate-to-development learning environment. Given your mum's extensive experience, what does she think of the view that boys start too early?

Thanks for posts, ladies.

I wonder if SN are taken into account with these kind of things? many more boys being on the autistic spectrum than girls, yet who attend mainstream school?

my ds has SN, luckily being in Scotland he won't start school until he is 5.4... we have been to see occupational therapist about his motor skills... he won't hold a pencil etc or scissors correctly, but his fine motor skills for threading beads onto a string (something he had never done before) were fine, his concentration was relatively good too, because he was interested.

my dd has had no problem with reading/writing (except she is a wee bit untidy), she has always been happy to sit and dooodle, write stories and letters at home, but her maths skills are not strong, something I am trying to help her with at home.

I think being a concerned parent is a good thing when it comes to helping primary school children thrive and stay engaged... the education system isn't perfect by any means, there are so many things I would like to see being done differently, but having a school that is willing to at least be understanding helps.

I always think my dc are part time home ed and almost part time school ed (when you take holidays etc into account!)

I agree with Herbietea.

It's a generalisation. Certainly DSs have never lagged behind the girls on anything academic. their writing is appalling but, then again, so was mine at that age.

I don't doubt that, over all, boys "lag"behind girls but I don't think it affects them long term. I think longterm stuff is more down to the child and their situation than gender.

Herbie, I think pretty much all decent parents do those things. But not all children will learn to sit still as a result.

I honestly think that whether a child can sit still for a period of time, hold a pen, etc is largely a matter of physiological readiness. Not unlike walking.

I think boys tend to be able to do this later.

The real issue though is that childre who does not yet have these skills are being routinely labeled as having behavioural/learning/etc difficulties. When it can be nothing more than physical non-readiness-or an August birthday! Give them a few years and odds are they will be fine. And there is no evidence that early readers, writers etc are later any more competant than those who don't learn til 7 or even later. Otherwise all of Scandinavia would be reliant on big print newspapers with only cvc words.

I am not sure that this is true, or if it is, I am not sure how much of a focus it should be allowed to become.

Mine (Yr 4 and Yr R) are 'typical' boys according to this in that they don't have very good fine motor skills and they both like to run around more than sit still (although DS1 has SN so maybe he shouldn't be part of the typical group anyway) but they are or are becoming competent readers, they are able to concentrate when required to and are doing well academically.

The danger is that the teachers see this sort of headline and believe it to be true. We don't really want teachers who think along a gender divide when teaching the children do we? Wouldn't it be better if they used a range of teaching styles and approachs that cater for all sorts of learning styles, just as a matter of course, rather than for some notion of a 'typical' child. I am sure the best teachers already do this.

I also think that just because a child cannot sit still or display good writing skills at 5, does not mean that they are not bright.

In the circles I move in (HE) there are lots of kids who, to talk to, are very bright. They are articulate, curious, and grasp ideas very fast. They are engaged and engaging.

Often, they don't learnt to read until 7 or later.

But they are, by any test except a strict academic one, bright.

my mum with her experience, comes from a scottish education background where the children start schooling at five, and even then thinks its a lot to expect of small children...now my mum is no soft touch...but she says that ...ach all thooose tiny tots, they should still be being little ones.

i remember through the summer phoning her and panicing say ds1 cant do this or that aaargh... she said just try and ensure he will recognise his name, wipe his bum, do up his velcro shoes (no laces) and stay quiet during reading time...don't try to teach him anything because he may have to unlearn all that and get confused and upset...ds1 teacher has commented to me that a lot of the children battle with her because they have learnt to print in capital letters

i hate labels for children (naughty, bad behaviour) the children they are now are not what they are going to be like in a few years time

I think it does depend on the child and I think that in general girls are better at this stuff earlier. My DS (3.5) is just starting to get to grips with holding a pencil. Actual representational drawing (of anything) is just starting to come but forget being able to draw a face or write his name. He does, however, have a couple of male friends who are fantastic at this stuff (one of whom has been heavily coached by his parents!). DS is just a later developer for this stuff (they are also much more verbal than him although againm he is entiytely in the normal range) but well within the norms and in fact (and I know we are lucky) we are sending him to a small private all boys school when he swtarts next year as they seem to get the fact that some boys are just slower to get this stuff.

Well, anecdotal evidence (that our boys were fine, that we know lots of boys who are doing well) is reassuring to worried posters.

It doesn't change the facts though - statistically boys are more likely to struggle in the early years at school with the demands made on them and statistically summer-born boys are the most likely to struggle. You really can't say "DS2 was born at the end of August and is a genius and can draw like an infant Picasso, so it's not true that boys lag behind girls". It's true that your DS2 is fine. It doesn't invalidate the statistics.

will read article later, but agree with op, my ds(7) really struggles at school, from when he started at 3.5 he was referred here and there. i just don't see why they can't assume all children develop at different rates. he is a july baby.