dd's teacher makes me feel like a bad mother.. anyone else?

[paddingtonbear1]

I have to see dd's teacher every couple of weeks at the moment. It's not that she behaves badly, but she has a very short concentration span and doesn't always do as she's told. Today her teacher told me we have to be tough with her, make her do her reading and writing practice every day, make sure she does as she's told. Most other kids change their books every day or every other day, dd should do the same.
dd has struggled with school from day 1, she's now in yr 1 (summer born, age 5). Dh and and I both have to work nearly FT, not an excuse I know but we can't always put the time in they seem to want - plus dd won't always read to her dad, only to me. She goes to after school club 3 days a week and just wants to play when she gets home.
From her tone dd's teacher must think we are lax parents and don't bother. This isn't true, but we don't seem to have the same issues at home with behaviour - although she is reluctant to do her school work. We make her do homework and practice spellings, but clearly not enough. I can see where the teacher is coming from, dd's cute smile has worn thin for her! Not sure how tough to be, I am obviously too lenient though! Anyone else any experience/insight?

Seems a lot of work for her age imo. My dd is in year one and has 3 books which are changed weekly, but some only have 2. No spellings until year two, and homework only once a week that comes home on a Friday so we do it over the weekend.

I would hate to think a child was being put off school altogether by being pushed too hard.

No actual suggestions of what to do, I'm sorry. Hopefully someone can help.

thanks for replying ZoeC. I don't think dd and her teacher get on very well, teacher is a bit 'shouty' which dd won't respond to at all - if I ever shout at her she goes into her shell and still won't do as you ask!
I can imagine how frustrating dd must be to teach in a class of 28 though. She isn't very enthusiastic about reading/writing, just does it when she's made to.

Don't worry about what the teacher thinks of you. She sounds like a *

DD is 5, you are right thatshe needs to play.

You ARE doing the reading with her, which is the most important thing.

I was going to say the same as Sparks.

I too would lay off school work and let her play. But perhaps try to focus on her behaviour a bit so that you feel you are doing something. You can do this while playing and make it all fun.

Good luck.

we do try and do reading every night, but dd is still behind most of the others.
I have to go into school regularly, it's always the same thing - dd's concentration and listening skills are poor. This is holding up her learning. No matter what the school and I do though, it's always the same. Since the start of reception!

Could you try things that need concentration e.g completing a jigsaw and really praise her.
Also listening games e.g. Odd one out 'car, ship, ice cream, boat, taxi' Just simple things while you're in the car?

Whilst reading you could 'test' her on fave stories. Change a word to something obviously not there and praise her loads if she spots it.

My DD is also 5, in year one and was born in August. She can change her book whenever she wants but that is all she is expected to do. No spellings or other homework other than to know all her key words by the end of the year but she knew them before she started. I would request a meeting with the teacher when you have more time and tell her what you have said here, that you do work with her and she behaves fine at home.

I hate the fact they are saying you have to be tough with her at such a young age. She will put her off for good at this rate. It really doesn't take much. My 7 year old doesn't want school dinners anymore as he has been told to hurry up with his eating.

Oh, and you are not a bad mother. If you were, you wouldn't care nor be asking for advice.

she can spend ages at something she likes doing - eg drawing, jigsaws. We play i-spy in the car and she likes that. she spends some time in her own world, her imagination is something else. I used to be the same...
she's always been young for her age, hasn't helped since starting school!

Oh it's horrible. And there is NO, I repeat NO evidence that homework at this age helps at all. In other countries, children her age aren't even in school yet, and they do better than our kids. I would be quite assertive and say you don't feel the homework is helping, it's stressful and you feel if you put on more pressure you will put her off school.

It does seem a lot to demand of a five year old. Some teachers seem to live in la la land and blame working parents rather than thinking about what they could do differently. Its easier to pass the buck than to admit you aren't doing your job properly.

My son's school isn't half as pushy. Ds is in year 2 and we had a terrible parents' evening where my son's teacher complained he was bone idle in class. I felt at a loss what to do. He attends school every day, he does his homework and he behaves in class
My son is quite good about doing reading and homework. However he finds writing hard and tries to avoid it at all costs at school. Unless I went into the classroom with him I don't see how I can make him work harder at school.

I don't see my son's teacher regularly and prehaps I should. The lazy cow has not changed my son's reading book for three weeks. We have thrown money at the problem of my son's writing by sending him to Kip McGrath for some help with his writing. I also get reading books from the library as my son finds them more interesting than Oxford Reading Tree.

I think they are at a bit of a loss with dd tbh.. their approach of being 'tough' doesn't seem to be working either, in fact she seems to be worse not better!

Reallytired my dd also struggles with writing and completing work, I don't know if you would find this thread here helpful, I have tried lots of the suggestions made and last week she came home with a certificate for having made special efforts to complete the work she was set that week and seems much happier about the whole thing

I like the book idea on the other thread, maybe over xmas I can get dd to do an xmas holiday book.
she did one over the summer hols, but although we got lots of pictures she wouldn't write in it!
dh is currently doing dd's spellings with her. he has more patience than me... we did read her school book earlier.
the teacher is obviously frustrated with dd, thinks her concentration should have improved by now. It hasn't. Not for formal school work anyway.