at what point does teasing become bullying?

[MonkeyBear]

DS1 is 6 and in Y1. He enjoys school and is doing fine academically, less well socially. Just recently, he's been complaining about being teased a lot at playtime - three particular culprits get mentioned most days.

His main complaints are:
a boy in Y2 chases him in the playground, grabs his glasses and runs off with them;
a boy in Y1 swings his lunchbox and hits DS1 in the stomach
another boy in Y1 pushes him off the bench at lunchtime and calls him a baby or a girl

DS1 is very matter of fact about it all but it is worrying me. Yesterday after he'd told me about being pushed off the bench, he said "nobody likes me and nobody wants to play with me", which just breaks my heart.

I don't want to overreact and I realise that he may be painting things a bit blacker than they really are, but what can I do to help him? I know the teachers deal with any incidents they are aware off by making the culprit miss five minutes of play, but it doesn't seem to be having much effect. I want to nip this in the bud before it puts him off going to school but don't know how to handle it.

Well at DS2's infant school that would be classed as bullying. Recently (just after they'd started going fulltime) 2 of the YR2 boys were "teasing" DS2 at lunchtime telling him he was going to be covered in mud (that's all I got of it - never did get the full story as I didn't pick him up that day) But it upset him. It was the first (and only) time it happened. I do know however that those 2 boys were hauled (well not literally) into the headmasters office, and then sent to DS2's classroom to apologise directly to him.

I think that is bullying and I think you should say something as soon as possible.

not just for your son but because I think the school needs to work on creating an environment where this kind of behaviour is not accepted. They are 5 ffs!

Our school has a) a Buddy bench, where you go if you have no-one to play with, and then designated children come and help you out. You'd think it would be a teasing nightmare, but in fact they're all very sweet about it. Also b) Playground Buddies, who roam the playground wearing a luminous jacket looking for children in need of help/companionship. Again, it works really well - the Buddies take it deadly seriously. Just the fact they exist make the whole school more aware that these problems can occur.

I would call what your DS1 is going through bullying rather than teasing. The teachers could address it via Circle Time or something like that, as well as more playground supervision and schemes like I've described. Have a chat with the Head.

they have been talking about bullying today and dd says it is:

repetitive
planned
unfair

You're right to be anxious. Go and see his teacher.

Bullying is repeated 'teasing', if your child perceives it as upsetting, which he obviously does. The school will take action anyway, whether it's several isolated incidents or more than one incident by the same child/children (bullying). You should definitely speak to the class teacher or the head.

OK - I will have a chat with his teacher on Monday and see what she has to say.

I don't think they have a buddy bench or playground buddies - sounds like a lovely idea.

thanks for all your responses.

How sad and horrible for your ds. I would say that that is bullying, and I would suggest that you speak to his class teacher.

Poor ds

Yes, I would classify this as bullying and think dinny's dd sums it up rather succinctly.

Our school also has a 'buddy bus stop' and playground rangers to kerb this type of behaviour. It doesn't, however, stop a particular little boy who keeps pulling my little dd into a muddy puddle by her hood though

I hope you get it sorted

The glasses thing in particular is totally unacceptable, and I would be acting very quickly on that one. The other two I'd be having a word with the teacher, as with the worries that no one likes him. I'd be a little more relaxed about the second two because they are from his year and there may be mitigating factors, but if this is regular it shouldn't be happening. I would certainly wonder/worry about playground supervision. But.. my daughter said that no one played with her, and when I brought it up with her teacher she was perplexed because apparently dd was one of the more popular children in the class. We think it might have been more of a complaint that no one would play dd's games (she has a tendency to be very dominant). So it can be less sinister than it appear, but if it is making your son unhappy of course you should raise it.

ds's class did quite lot of work in Y1 on playing nicely, triggered by the SENCO thinking there was something work with ds's social skills (turns out he actually needed glasses). I thought it was quite good stuff, about thinking of games to play before they left the classroom and helping people join in. I don't think all children utomatically know what to do in the playground without some guidance.