Has anyone deferred entry for their 4 year old and regretted it?

[MoosieGirl]

My son turns 4 in August (4th) 2009 and therefore should be going to school in September 2009. However Bradford LEA allows deferred entry for a whole year and will allow my then 5 year old to start in the Reception class.

What I really want to know is will deferring his schooling by a year affect him in a negative way? Im so concerned about improving his academic chances but I dont want him to stand out from all the other kids and possibly be bullied because he is a year "behind"?

He is a really sweet little boy, who seems quite bright, Im worried by deffering him I will ruin his school life but then again if I send him when he has just turned 4 he might really struggle with the work right up to GCSE!!

Im awake at night worrying about this, please help!!!

You poor thing. It's an interesting one. I deferred my May-born DS's school start - but in a slightly different way: I started him for just the summer term in Reception, then he went into Y1. So he started school a couple of weeks before he turned five, rather than being 4.4.

I fully intended to do the same with June-born DD, but she was so desperate to go to school that I have allowed her to start Reception for mornings only.

I couldn't say whether you'd improve his academic chances by keeping him back a year. There are threads on here that suggest that August b'days are not the handicap they are made out to be (as one of the cleverest children in my class at an academically selective private school, and with a late-August b'day, I would agree with this!)

I do feel that my DS benefited from being at home for most of Reception. I didn't think he was ready to go to full-time school from an emotional point of view (he is a little home-body!), and I didn't need him to be there - so I didn't see the point in sending him. He was astronomically far ahead of the others when he started, and still is now (in Y2); DD is completely and delightfully average for her class. I don't think their birthdays have had any effect - I think that's just the way they are.

Sorry - that's a bit rambly. With a bit of luck you will find an MNer who has done exactly what you're wondering about!

There could be an argument for taking it if Bradford will offer it...?

DS is an August baby who has just started reception in September this year. I was very against him starting school and fought it with no success. I was wrong. He loves school is tired but copes and he is amking fantastic progress. He now knows 60 key words. Can write 200% better, and is so much happier than when he went to part time nursery

Lucky you we had to send DD at 4 years and three days or loose our place I would have defered.

Lots of advantages to deferring (IMO), especially if a boy, but it depends on the child - many will be ready at 4 and get bored to tears waiting another year.

Does he go to pre-school? If not, why not put him in for one day a week and then ask them what they think? Or can you try him at school next year, and then take him out and defer if he doesn't take to it?

dd2 born late Aug and has two friends who are also late Aug. I would say that they have achieved as well as any others who are nearly a year older (ie Sep Oct birthdays). It all varies with each child and child leaving ages (when they can leave the school education system) are changing in the future anyway.

I often thought about it. But I am glad I put her into school just after her 4th Birthday. DD is the youngest in her class now (secondary) and was the second youngest in her primary school for her year group.

Sometimes having a choice is harder than not having one. We didn't have one. She's fine.

I would defer and put him into pre school if he gets bored

luckily we are in a LEA where children simply dont go to school until after their fifth birthday no questions, no parental choice so no pressure

I was the youngest bar one in my grammar school year. It was great, I loved the 'young but clever' accolades- until I was 14-15. Then that year became a bit of a yawning chasm. Intellectually, I was up there; emotionally and in terms of maturity, I wasn't.

And, if Hants LEA allowed deferred entry, I'd've grasped it with both hands for both of my DSs! And they certainly wouldn't have been alone!

In the big picture, I don't feel anyone in the office, on your 25th birthday will raise eyebrows at the fact you took your GCSEs either 2 days after you turned 16 or at 17 and a half. It won't matter. But your ability to COPE at school, academically (less of an issue- there at 12 year olds with Maths degrees!) and emotionally (the BIGGIE) will have a direct effect on how well you do in the long run. And I DON'T just mean 'How many A*s you get', it's how you fit in with others, how you feel you compare with others, and whilst that 'young but clever' thing is a great ego boost at 10, it won't wash at 17 if you feel out of step with your contemporaries, always perhaps needing to be the show pony.

As you may know from my voluminous posts on this subject, I have deferred entry for my 21st August born boy in Bradford LEA and believe it is a scandal that so many children who are clearly not ready are forced into school at 4.0. I have never heard any educator argue that they gain any advantage from it.

It all depends on the child. A mature articulate boy with stamina should do fine. No healthy 4 year old should be bored by a year's extra play.

I had a formal meeting about my own position with the nursery teacher and reception teacher together at DS2's school (who knows, perhaps it's the same school?). The nursery teacher and I described where he's at with speech and the reception teacher simply said "he clearly won't be ready by September, send him in 2010" (she already knew this was what I wanted to do).

Could you have a similar meeting with his pre-school? Good luck, maybe he's ready.

DS1 started reception at 4 and 4 weeks and it was a disaster. It was only last year when we moved to Australia and I was finally able to put him "back a year" that he has started to thrive (he's 15!!). He was finally identified as dyslexic in Y6 after years and years of being told "oh, he's a boy, he's an August birthday, he'll catch up" - he didn't. I am wracked with guilt at the fact that I listened to the crap I got from schools for so long. I appreciate that this won't be the case for a lot of children, but why start them so young when you don't have to.

DD will turn 6 two weeks after she starts kindy (reception) here next January. I could have sent her last year but decided to put her in pre-school for 2 days a week instead. She has had a fantastic year, is really happy, I have enjoyed my extra time with her and I am now sending her off to school with no worries about how she will cope. If you have any doubts I would say keep him at home for that extra year for both your sakes!

Moosie - discussed your post today with a friend with a 31st August boy (she didn't defer him and is now open in saying she deeply regrets her decision - she has a constant fight to maintain his self-esteem because he is a poor reader compared to his "peers" though a perfectly reasonable one compared with the kids in the year below).
We decided that for us at least it's a non-issue. When DS2 asks me, I'll say that I thought he'd have more fun if he was the eldest rather than the youngest.

Moosie, please double check he won't be forced to skip a year when he is older to be in the same class as his peers at GCSE level IYSWIM.

If he is always going to be allowed to be a year behend then I would say go for it.

Thanks for your advice.

DS does go to pre school 4 mornings and loves it - its such a lovely environment, I really think he would benefit from being there another year.

From what ive read here there is so much support from mumsnetters on this subject yet out in the "real" world everyone just thinks I am being over protective, neurotic and a bit pathetic - this is from family, friends and even some at the pre school.

However I had a good chat with DS's pre school teacher - she reassured me that he was well developed in his social skills and that if I had no choice but to send him he would be fine. BUT in her opinion the more play a child (esp. boys) could get before they start school the better and that she would defer him if he were her child. - this was the first positive response i have got from anyone "official" and it confirmed everything i have thought over the last few months.

Am still worried about any possible stigmas tho...

Lingle - have you heard if the Rose report has been published yet? I am eager to read it - DS is 25th August and I am really considering deferring him for the year if I can.

My DD is a June Birthday and I delayed her starting school until the January instead of the September and I do regret this becuase the new ones went out in a little group to "catch-up" with the things the others had been doing and she hated being part of a special group she wanted to stay in the class with the other children.
She also enjoyed school so much I felt that she missed out on so much.

I can understand that Mrs Weasley.... hope things are better now. The beauty of the Bradford system is that you avoid that stigma because you are starting in Sept. like the other kids.

Don't think Rose is out yet. Called his office last week - they said another week or two. So should be out before OP's decision time...

Thinking back in my DS's class there was a little girl who started in year 1 and had no problems settling in. Made friends easily etc. They are year 3 and you would never know now that she wasnt at there for the first year.

Yes - you get lots of posts on here from parents who moved to UK from overseas where school starts later. Most of their children seem to catch up quite quickly.
It wouldn't work for mine because I've seen the Year 1 curriculum and classroom style at our school (DS1 is in year one). All the "barely fives" are struggling. Frankly, I'd struggle with it at 7 or 8! They work them hard and it's quite formal.
Things went wrong for my friend's 31st August boy in Year 1 after a successful start in reception. People start them in reception and it all goes well because the teachers can let them play - but then there's a huge shock when they get to Year 1 and realise the October born girls had been learning to read, write and add up in reception while the little August boy was playing .