School Plays - DD left out again

[Vinegar]

DD is 5 and in yr 1. She has been at her school for almost 3 years. It always seems to be the same children picked to have speaking parts. She is in the choir(as are the majority of children in her class) and so has not been picked to dress up for the nativity play. Some children have been picked from the choir to speak and the rest of the roles have gone to children not in the choir. She would rather not be in the choir if it means they overlook her for other things. She has never had a speaking part or any other special part. Is this just a fact of life that some children never get picked, or should I bring it up with a teacher. Will they think pushy/silly mum? Has anyone ever said anything?

is she quite shy, Vinegar? maybe the teacher thinks it'd be too much for her...?

Fact of life, I'm afraid. The majority of the children in most Y1 classes will be in the same boat.

And yes, they will think you're being a pushy/silly mum. And it won't make them any more likely to pick her next time.

She's only 5 - how well does she read?

At DS's school they picked the really good readers to speak at 5 - they don't rely on them learning their lines.

I wouldn't bring it up with the teacher. No in Yr 1, she is still very little and there is plenty of time.

Both my dd and ds are complaining that, once more, they've got inconsequential, non speaking roles in the Christmas plays. I feel for them. It does seem that some pupils, who coincidentally have mums high up in the PTFA, get great parts every time.

I think you should mention it. Who cares whether or not they think you're pushy? They shouldn't be placed beyond scrutiny just for fear of appearing pushy.

I think I might mention it to. Only I don't have so much of a leg to stand on as my two were off ill on audition day.

She is a bit shy dinny, but is very good at singing and will not clam up on the big day. You are probably right shitehawk, I think they will probably say "oh everyone can't have a go". I'm just wondering if I should mention the bit about not wanting to be in the choir? She does like singing, but would like to try other things. I don't know, might leave it, but feel bad for dd, can't see why some children always get to have a go, while other don't at all.

She is one of the best readers in her class niecie, so that isn't the problem. I don't think I will mention it for the christmas play, but maybe bring it up at the next parents evening? maybe?

My older dc are like this good readers, confident, but somehow manage not to stand out. There simply aren't enough leading parts to go round and trying to influence the teachers' decisions will get you nowhere, I'm afraid.

Have you considered doing drama classes outside school? They're usually much better at making sure everyone gets a look-in, and brilliant for confidence.

If she is a bit shy the teachers will know that and may well not take the chance that she won't clam up.

You could mention it at parents evening if you want to but I don't know if it will make any difference. If she is fed up with the choir then

It is a shame they don't do what DS's school sometimes does and give everybody a line to say. There wasn't one person doing the narration (sp? whichever way I spell it, it doesn't look right). They all dress up even if they have a whole flock of sheep and a whole host of heavenly angels. There are ways they could all feel more included.

Spidermama - if you do say something let me know!

frogs - I was thinking of dance/drama classes outside school. but she already does two extracurricular activities. It would be hard for her and me(with a young baby) to fit it in. I will for sure when she is older though.

Sorry, didn't finish the sentence.

If she is fed up with the choir then mention that but I don't think you can assume that she will get a speaking part as a result.

I honestly don't think it is that niecie - your ds's school sounds lovely. She is a gentle girl, good academically and well behaved in class, maybe like spidermama said, she does not stand out, I don't think it is fair for her never to get a turn for this reason. I never got to do anything in school and my mum would never have thought of saying anything(don't think she even noticed!). So on one hand I feel I should just let it go, on the other I think maybe i should gently bring it to someone's notice....

It's not just the case of a speaking part, but also just the chance to dress up or do a dance. The choir have to wear uniform.

None of miy older 3 ever hada part that wasn't 'chorus'. Sadly thats the case for most children. And dd 2 will never have it cos she can't speak or move.
It does 'hurt' a little inside though so sympathies.
Only consulataion is when they are teenagers this wont bother you so much. Not much I know.

Thanks needmorecoffee. I do feel a bit ridiculous for letting this bother me, I know it is so trivial compared to what alot of people go through. Have so much on my plate at the moment, I don't know why I am letting this bother me so much.

i know, don't they realise parent's only come to see their children perform .

i think they should at least try to get each and every one on the stage to do something.

You are right southeastastra To add insult to injury, last term dd was standing behind a very tall girl and all we could see of her was her pony tails! When she asked us if we liked her singing, we had to nod our heads and lie, as we couldn't see or hear her at all.

Could you get together with other choir parents and demand that the choir kids get to dress as angels or something?

I see you said you had a lot on your plate. I think thats when tiny things suddenly loom large and you think if only I could make this right then I'd feel better. I eneded up bawling cos there's mould on the walls. I know deep down its not really the mould, its just the final straw. Dame with your dd.
The angel idea sounds great but the school might ask you to make the costumes!
We should do a play for all our children and those ones who are always Mary can be left out for once

Unfortunately, I have seen and heard (on at least 2 occasions) mums lobbying teachers for certain roles in plays for their children. And they have ended up with those roles! It seems to start very early (usually about 3-4 months before the actual play) and before any other parents have clicked what's going on (or even bothered to think about it). I think these parents must get the information about the forthcoming play theme etc from friends who work in the school.

I think that if the same child/ren are getting the same roles year after year, I would say something. Everyone has to get a fair chance after all.

I have exactly the same issue with dd (Y1) and in fact had a thread on it which I won't bother to link to as I got very boring on it.

She's also been at the school for 3 years and never had a role in anything - plays / class assemblies / class drama sessions.

After wondering the same re. being a pushy mum I did mention it to the teacher at parents' evening this week and she was very frank that they give the speaking roles to the kids with the loudest voices. Dd is shy and has a very soft voice. She's a very strong reader so that's not the issue. She said she'd try to ensure dd got an instrument in the Christmas play. To be honest that would do it for dd, she just wants something.

Spider, I'm part of our PTA and have been for 4 years. I have two DDs, both with very different personalities and attitudes to school; one tends to get picked out for stuff regularly, the other doesn't. Comes as no surprise to me.

Vinegar, at our school in Yr 1 there was a very shy but able girl (dd of a work colleague). In Year 2 they gently pushed her into a very successful reading part. Maybe in Yr1 they think it's too little to be pushed...?

I could have written your post six years ago. DD1 never got picked for anything, but she was a quiet child and though she was always disappointed at not being picked, I could sort of see why. Then last year, she got a really good part in the Year 6 play - which is a very big deal in the school as it is part of their Leavers celebrations. She had a rough time in rehearsals as the teacher in charge gave her a hard time about speaking up loud enough - but she got there in the end and did a great job on the night.
My point being, that they all get a chance sooner or later, it's just that some of them have to wait a bit longer.
Incidentally, I am a governor and PTA member and have never noticed my children being particularly singled out on this basis .

Does she actually want a main part? I would have hated it at her age and would have wanted to be in the choir.

Just wanted to say that it does appear to be a fact of life that some little one's always seem to be chosen but that doesn't stop you from feeling for her. Have a look at Stagecoach....they have franchises all over world and at this age do hour and half which includes singing , drama and dancing....not full of pushy moms...appears to be most moms wanting to help their children with confidence...does put alot of activity in one place...thinking of the juggling with baby.

WEll after 3 years of being over looked I took in the reception photo's to DD2 teacher to make my point that the girl playing Mary this year was chief angel in reception and so on and so on.
Nothing was changed although they did make DD2 feel better about being a bloody traveller again.
I don't know what goes through teachers minds when picking the parts, I mean the girls who are Mary, Angels etc aren't even the pretty ones, although the ones with the speaking parts are the most articulate.