Please help me get some perspective on whether our school is normal or not.

[gladbag]

Ds is in Reception. It's a great school in many ways - outstanding in everything from ofsted last term, good results, lovely Reception Class teacher....but....things have been niggling at me about how side-lined I feel parents are.

Could you help me decide whether I should feel righteously indignant, or whether I should get over myself because it's actually normal for a Primary School.

1. Do Reception children get picked up and dropped off in the playground so that you rarely see inside the classroom?

Yes or No

1. Does your school allow parent helpers/volunteers of any description in classes or on trips?

Yes or No

1. If you dropped off a 4 year old mid-morning after a hospital appointment, would you be able to walk them to their classroom, if the child wanted you to?

Yes or No

1. If you wrote a letter or emailed the Head about what you felt was an important issue, would you expect some sort of reply, even if it was just 'We got your letter, thank you blah de blah'

Yes or No

I'd be interested to see what happens else where. Thank you.

ds1 has just finished prmiary - fantastic school.

1. Yes (not see in classroom)
2. Yes but not in their child's class for volunteering, (just for trips)
3. Yes (walk child to classroom after appt)
4. Yes, but I think I'd be more likely to phone or call in than write.

No
Yes
No
Yes

No at first and then they put a stop to going in and they are dropped off in playground
Yes
Yes
Yes

No
Yes
No
Yes

Yes
Yes
No, probably not
Yes

Yes
Yes, always recruiting!
Yes (I think)
Yes and have had detailed responses very quickly - usually the same day.

This is at a primary rated outstanding by Ofsted (and I think it's a jolly good school) so no reason why your 'outstanding' school shouldn't be doing more to involve parents.

Yes to all, although we're discouraged from entering the classroom in the morning drop-off.

1. We drop at the classroom door, which leads onto the playground so yes and no.

1. Yes, on trips.

1. Yes.

1. Never done it, so I don't know.

Yes, we can go into classroom, look at their work etc.

Yes, lot's of help from parents, lunchtime, cookery, reading, and trips.

Yes, definitely walk them in and settle them.

Yes, we are able to phone headteacher, drop her a note, or make an appointment.

DD1 now in year 1 but this is how the whole school works, 'tis fabo!!!

1)No, we go into the class room and do signing in work with them class open from 8.50 parents have to leave by 9am
2) Yes, they mostly ask the parents who volunteer to help with reading/changing books in the school
3) Yes
4) Yes and would by end of day even if 9pm at night or phone call if necessary from them.

Ours is a fab school and open to parents suggestions.

1. Yes. They line up in the playground.

1. No helpers in class. Occasionally on trips.

1. Probably not. I would leave him at the reception desk.

1. Yes, in fact on the occasion I did I got a phone call.

1. Yes - line up outside but can pop in to talk to teacher if need be.
2. Don't know yet.
3. No - too disruptive.
4. Yes - very quick response by phone.

all yes

1. Yes and No, you take them to classroom in am and get them delivered back to carpark at pm

1. Not really
2. I teach at the school so I pretty much walk around like I own the place anyway. But I'm pretty sure that most mums would walk as far as the locker room.
3. The headmaster writes thousands of letters to disgruntled parents.

Thank you all for your answers. It's helped clarify a few things for me. The being walked into class by the teacher, and being walked down by the secretary is all perfectly normal. That's good to know.

But not allowing any parent volunteers is unusual, and not getting a reply to a letter is as well (I thought a simple acknowledgment would be a matter of courtesy after a letter. Hmm)

I think my problem is that I had assumed that certain things would happen or be encouraged, and then when they didn't it felt like we, as parents, weren't being involved. As a Reception teacher before I had ds (I know, I know - a school's worse nightmare ), and in various schools I've worked in, we've always welcomed parents into the classroom (to see what's been going on, to chat before and after school, as parent helpers etc) and the school's I've worked in have always had a very open door policy on involving parents, with kids being picked up from the classroom door and loads of parents helping out.

My ds's school was a bit of a culture shock, as it's not like that in reality, although they 'talk the talk' when you are prospective parents iyswim. I offered to help (not in Reception, but anywhere else) to be told they don't allow parents to help. And parents are actively discouraged from entering the school at any time. Well, that's the impression I've been given. I could be wrong as it's still early days, I suppose.

I've joined the PTA, which the school does encourage, so I can help that way. Sigh.

Anyway, thank you!

I think that it is a big culture shock when children start school, as the school really takes over, and suddenly as parents we have to follow their rules. I suspect this is so even when you have been on the other side of the fence, as it were. I know that it happens in healthcare (where I have worked), even to clinicians. Schools do vary a lot in their approaches though.

You're absolutely right, Nooka, in that I've questioned whether my response has been because I viewed the whole feel of a Primary School as someone who worked there, rather than as a parent, and obviously the role is very different. And I've questioned whether I'm helicopter parenting, and should just let ds go, and not think about it. It's hard. I still feel disappointed though, as I would like to have been involved more simply because I like being involved, and am interested.

It must be agonising for you gladbag, really tricky to avoid comparing yourself as a teacher and your school with your dd's school.

I think that the thing that would annoy me most would be the lack of encouragement for parents to dig in and help out. Makes one wonder why they don't want parents around, like they've something to hide (which I'm sure they haven't, but it just seems so secretive and unfriendly).

Hopefully by being on the PTA you may get to know the parents of older children who may know more about how/why the system works IYSWIM.

The open classroom thing - well I can see why that might not be practical. At dd's school the 2 reception classes (and year 1, year 2 and so on) are always right next to each other and the practicality of up to 60 parents jostling to get their child in/out would be horrendous - not the recipe for calm I would have thought. Particularly if the parents have younger children/children in buggies to corral as well.

The PTA is probably the way to go. I'd be surprised if there aren't ways to be able to help. I do think the non response to your letter was rude though. Can you follow this up with the headteacher in person? Ours was usually around after school (being slightly late is a good way to get to know staff I have found).

1. Do Reception children get picked up and dropped off in the playground so that you rarely see inside the classroom?

YES

1. Does your school allow parent helpers/volunteers of any description in classes or on trips?

YES

1. If you dropped off a 4 year old mid-morning after a hospital appointment, would you be able to walk them to their classroom, if the child wanted you to?

NO

1. If you wrote a letter or emailed the Head about what you felt was an important issue, would you expect some sort of reply, even if it was just 'We got your letter, thank you blah de blah'

I WOULD HOPE SO BUT HAVEN'T BEEN IN THIS SITUATION, SO CAN'T REPLY HONESTLY

Sorry. Got here a bit late.

Double answers from me, based on the two primary schools my daughter has attended.

1. Yes and no (at least for the first term).

1. In classes and on trips - Yes if CRBed/yes if List 99-checked.

Short trips (eg walking to church) - yes.

1. No and yes.

1. No and yes (but not yet put to the test)

I'm also a school governor. From the school's point of view, there are child protection issues - and simple problems of space - about letting parents walk through the school with their child/ren. Some schools are therefore extremely wary of letting anyone who is not a member of staff past the reception area.

Also, I doubt that any school would see it in terms of 'allowing' parent helpers. I'm sorry to sound brutal, but volunteering isn't something parents are 'allowed'. It's about the needs of the school and whether the school can meet those needs from within its resources. It is surprising that a school has no need for volunteers but that is a decision for the school.

1. Do Reception children get picked up and dropped off in the playground so that you rarely see inside the classroom?

Yes - but not til january.

1. Does your school allow parent helpers/volunteers of any description in classes or on trips?

Yes

1. If you dropped off a 4 year old mid-morning after a hospital appointment, would you be able to walk them to their classroom, if the child wanted you to?

Yes

1. If you wrote a letter or emailed the Head about what you felt was an important issue, would you expect some sort of reply, even if it was just 'We got your letter, thank you blah de blah'

Yes

1, Yes
2, Yes
3, No
4, Yes

At the DC' school parents are encouraged to spend 15 minutes in the classroom when you drop them off. This is up until Year 2.

We are asked if we want to go on trips, but if you do need a CRB check. This is all the way through until Year 6.

After appointments it is normal to take them into the classroom.

The head responds to emails.