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I am a terrible mother... I lost it with DD with her reading today...

33 replies

minko · 11/11/2008 16:58

She's only 5 bless her, some days she's really good and others it seems she can't be bothered. She tries to guess the words (whilst pretending to spell them out), won't try to spell them out and then she reads words from right to left which I just don't understand. I find it really frustrating. I want to help and encourage her but sometimes I feel I am the wrong person to be trying to do this as it drives me mad...

The school does seem to expect a lot of parents on this score (we have new reading books virtually every day), I have cancelled virtually all after-school stuff as I feel we have to go home and read and then the poor girl gets no rest.

OP posts:
Wallaroo · 11/11/2008 16:59

No you are human minko you are not a terrible mother.

minko · 11/11/2008 17:00

Thanks for that. Am I not the only one who finds it all quite painful then...?

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Wallaroo · 11/11/2008 17:02

Some nights are better than others for us. DD is usually enthusiastic and a pleasure to listen too but if she's tired or just not in the mood it's hard work. We get 2 books a night and as you say it's a lot! I completely forgot about reading last night, so she did nothing!

freshprincess · 11/11/2008 17:08

If she's not into it then have a night off from them.
If you're stressed about it then its probably as much of a pain for her as it is for you.

It's not like Cambridge will turn her down cos she had a night off once a week when she was 5!! So long as you read them more than you don't IYSWIM then can't see it being a problem.

Littlefish · 11/11/2008 17:11

Minko - if your dd was in my class, I would encourage you to take a break from reading with her. Instead, I would encourage you to read to her. To re-discover the joy of reading, to enjoy the shared time etc. etc. etc.

While you're doing that, you can see if she wants to pick out odd words in your book that she can recognise - "and" "the" "it" etc. But only IF SHE WANTS TO!

Reading is not supposed to be a battle for either of you. You sound so frustrated and in return, I expect she's dreading it!

Back off for now, have fun with reading. Play some sound and listening games instead.

saadia · 11/11/2008 17:18

Don't feel bad, I know it can be very frustrating. We had times like this with ds1 when he was in Reception and I mentioned it to his teacher who said there's no point doing it if he is not in the mood, so, very often I ended up reading to him. I would write in his reading recod if he wasn't interested and his teacher would then get him to choose books that he would be interested in.

I once also lost it with ds1 when helping him with maths (adding up with a number line) and I said "why don't you understand it, it's so easy" .

Then I realised that when they are so young it really is pointless to make them do any kind of schoolwork if they are too tired or just not in the right frame of mind.

nappyzonehasastroppytoddler · 11/11/2008 17:23

This was me a few weeks ago - i now like tonight detect dd is not in the mood and when i feel like i am going to lose it as getting frustrated and she attitudey i just read the book and try and enjoy it with her . She is in yr1 and we too get a new book each night - the stories are ok and enjoyable but the factual ones about art with food etc... are generally a trauma.

Lizzylou · 11/11/2008 17:23

Minko, DS1 (4.9yrs, also Reception)tries everything to get out of reading. When he concentrates he is great, but just pretends to forget/guesses etc and it does me bonkers.

I lost it one day last week then had to go and have a little weep in the downstairs loo as I felt so ashamed, he is so young!

It can feel like such a chore, a battle. If you miss one night you worry that the teacher will think that you don't care.

So pleased that others are feeling the same.

SlubberOverTheYardArm · 11/11/2008 17:25

minko, I am so with you.

dd1 started school in sept, and prior to this I had a little dreamy dream in my head about retraining as a teacher, and maybe a primary teacher...all lovely soft loving thoughts of reading stories to attentive children as they sat quietly and still on the carpet. And of singing the alphabet song, and of teaching them 'camel' and 'teapot' and their ruddy faces of joy as they worked it out.


and then dd1 got sent home with 'the' as one of her high frequency words.

And now I have a tic, and a large purple vein of demented frustration pulsing away on my forehead.

I think reception teachers should be being paid in gold ingots for what they do. I may buy dd's teacher a crate of G&T for Christmas.

minko · 11/11/2008 17:26

Hmmm, sounds like what I said I'm afraid Saadia...

What Littlefish said sounds like good advice, so I'm going to say in the reading diary that she wasn't in the mood and we read together... I think she's just not into the book we have at the moment too which isn't helping.

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Tortington · 11/11/2008 17:27

jesus she's only 5 - dont enter into school competition.

remember that teaching is a skill

having knowledge is one thing - teaching others that - is instself a verys pecial skill set

my dh is skilliant at maths. but we get divorced if he tries to tell me how to multiply fractions.

is a skill!

minko · 11/11/2008 17:28

Haha Slumber! I fancy a large G&T now you've said that!

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DrNortherner · 11/11/2008 17:28

Hi Minko. I have a 6 year old ds in Yr 2. Last year he was like this. He would look at words hat he had read before and say something completley random, looking everywhere but at the page. Drove me bonkers, I lost my rag on more than one ocassion and felt afterwards.

Then something clicked. He just got it, and now he is flying with it. You just have to wait untill the are ready.

I must say, the Jelly and bean books really helped my ds with his confidence as he could actually read a whole book so I bought a set and we read them at home. They ere reccommended by a friend who is a primary teacher.

imnotmamagbutshelovesme · 11/11/2008 17:29

DS1 has homework twice a week and it is so hard to get him to do it. He just doesn't want to do it. I don't agree with homework for 7 year olds but I have to support the school and make him do it.

MorocconOil · 11/11/2008 17:33

She will pick up in her own time. Try not to feel too pressured by school. It's more important at this age to instill a love of reading and books. If this means reading to her then just do that. Someone at school will be listening to her read. I always found, and still do that the DC work hard enough at school, and just want to chill out when they get home.

tissy · 11/11/2008 17:37

...also [[ gory_ Red Nose Readers] they are funny, the easy ones are really easy and dd wanted to read them.

tissy · 11/11/2008 17:38

Red Nose Readers

Littlefish · 11/11/2008 17:41

Imnotmamag - I'm a teacher and I don't agree with homework for 7 yr olds either (other than reading).

minko · 11/11/2008 17:45

Wow Tissy - 16 books for £4.99! Do you recommend them? The fact they're funny would appeal to DD. Looks like a fab Xmas present there...

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minko · 11/11/2008 17:53

Oh, it doesn't seem to be a live link anymore...?? I can't seem to order the books. Any ideas Tissy??

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minko · 11/11/2008 18:01

Oh boo, they seem to be sold out everywhere...

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smoggie · 11/11/2008 18:27

minko - this could have been posted by me - tonight in fact.
I've jsut lost it ith ds for exactly the same reasone.
He fidgets, squirms, gets distracted so easily, pretends he can't read the words when I know he can then gets so annoyed with himself when he gets stuck but not prepared to practice so that he doesn't get stuck1
I ashamed to say I grabbed the book from his hand tongiht and slammed it on the floor shouting at him.
I get partic frustrated on a morning when in class he does all of the above but eveyr other child sits and reads without a fuss.
He's a bright little boy who can do it when he puts his mind to it, but unfortunately he chooses not to put his mind to it very often (withus anyway!!)
Am watching thread with interest! THanks for starting it.
Rest assured you're human and not alone!!!

maverick · 11/11/2008 19:43

Could I be so bold as to ask what type of reading books your children are having difficulties with?

Are they predictable text i.e books with a natural story line such as Oxford Reading Tree or are they phonics decodable text books?

edam · 11/11/2008 19:47

I really really really would take a back step if my child was hating reading so much. It's not a race. Talk to the teacher and explain it's a battle and you are going to leave it for a while and just read exciting, interesting stories TO them when they are in the mood.

FWIW one of my best friends has been struggling with her little boy - August birthday, didn't want to read at all in reception. She found it very frustrating because she used to be a primary school teacher. BUT this term, in Yr1, it has clicked. So my line would be don't panic, don't make it into something distressing or horrible for you both, talk to the teacher and try not to force it.

TheFallenMadonna · 11/11/2008 19:48

I just didn't do it rigorously with ds. If he wanted to, we did, and if he didn't, we didn't.

We read together every day, but I didn't insist on him reading to me. School were perfectly happy with that BTW.

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