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Original poster

Has anyone else been told their child is "wonderful " and "doing really well" at parents evening

43 replies

TheSweetLittleBunny · 08/11/2008 06:28

And if so, how do you feel about it?

DS is 5 and in Reception. Teacher says he has the ability of an older child. I know he is very bright and I feel very proud and pleased.

But I also feel at a loss as to what to do now - there did not seem to be much discussion as to how we can buid on this "superstar" quality.

Anyone else had this?

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alardi · 08/11/2008 06:38

I wish I had your problem .

Original poster
TheSweetLittleBunny · 08/11/2008 06:49

Now you see, that's exactly what I mean - it the "he's fine, so we don't have to think about him" stance that worries me

Every child needs some input surely?

OP posts:
cheekysealion · 08/11/2008 06:50

do you mean you are worried that beacause he is capable.. he wont get supported enough?

I wish i had this problem to...

georgimama · 08/11/2008 07:07

I wouldn't do much about it tbh, except stimulate his interest as much as possible, not by hot housing or doing Kumon maths, but by talking to him about everything you see and do together, and making sure there are plenty of books in the house for him.

My mum talked to us, about everything, all the time. It must have been exhausting but she was fabulous. I have tried to talk to DS all the time about what we are doing, where we are going, what things mean, why they are there - in the supermarket, in the street, walking past a war memorial, looking at pictures. I have done this since birth. Mostly I get very funny looks in the street.

You want (I would imagine) a well rounded intelligent happy child, not one of those freaks who goes to Oxford at 12 then divorces their father, so keep everything light and avoid the "gifted and talented" threads. The term is meaningless - it just means a child is in the top 10% or so of their class. That could make them a genius or ust about average, depending on the school.

Original poster
TheSweetLittleBunny · 08/11/2008 07:08

No I mean that I am worried that if is assumed that he and the other more capable children need very little input - they could get overlooked, bored, they won't be challenged to do more stuff that they are capable of ....

It is not a problem, just an observation. I will continue to support DS with his learning as I have always done. I was just wondering whether anyone was in the same position with their child and what they felt about it really.

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Lowfat · 08/11/2008 07:13

Agree with Georgimama we got told DD is at the right stage for a child her age, except for when it comes to writing, where she is unusual in that she will as for writing activities and sits on her own practising her letters when her classmates would rather do role-play or paint for example. And also that she seeks the teacher-led activities so she can get more support and encouragment.

As it's all she does at home we have encouraged her in as many fun ways we can think of by getting her notepads and lots of fun pens and bought a magnetic/white board so we can help with words. Her teacher also gave us lots of ideas for games to play to encourage her link with the writing with reading.

georgimama · 08/11/2008 07:16

Oh, I see. Yes, I'm afraid I am very much of the view that state schools are pot luck for bright children - especially bright boys, who asily become bored and disruptive if not stimulated. My DH had this problem and although extremely intelligent ended up with shit grades, partly because the teaching was shoddy anyway, and also because he was demotivated because his teachers could't be arsed to answer his questions/help him pursue lines of thought that didn't mirror the syllabus exactly.

He's a little young yet, but have you thought abobut grammar school (if there are any left near you) or a scholarship/bursary for private school?

Before anyone leaps, I know not all private schools are great, but in general, they produce better results. They must be doing something right.

Original poster
TheSweetLittleBunny · 08/11/2008 07:17

Thanks georgimama - that's what we do too. We always talk to DS and include him in everything. He's very confident and not shy as a result. (SOmetimes embarassingly so )

I don't do hot housing either - although we do occasionally use workbooks that you get from any bookshop/supermarket, and practice writing etc - but not in a forced way, we go by how he is developing, for example he keeps going on about time, so we have bought him a watch, if he notices the stars, we get his binoculars and have a look and a chat about them. But the main thing is the talking, particularly about feelings.

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Original poster
TheSweetLittleBunny · 08/11/2008 07:23

We picked the "best" state school nearest to us. And I guess he does have us as to support himn.

But I am worried that he will get bored. The thing I worry about at private schools or grammar schools is the potential competitiveness and the emphasis on achievement for it's own sake. I just want DS to be stimulated for his own needs.

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arfishy · 08/11/2008 07:35

DD is very good with her maths and reading - also 5.

It's very difficult as an above average ability is just that - they are doing things that the other children in their class haven't reached yet. But really, what is the point? They just get there a couple of years ealier. What happens when they're all 16? Does your child do their GCSE 2 years early? Ok fine, so an A'level 2 years early? Ok, the university 2 years early? Fine.

I think you need to challenge him, give him interesting things to do at home, ask the school how they support the brighter children to ensure he's not going to get bored in class.

Most importantly enjoy your boy. Have fun taking him to museums and doing science experiments with him.

Original poster
TheSweetLittleBunny · 08/11/2008 07:43

Thanks arfishy and we do enjoy him - every second. I will wait and see what happens at the next parents meeting, and if they are still enthusing about how "brilliant" he is, then I will raise my concerns about him getting bored.

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kaz33 · 08/11/2008 07:51

Well I have a little boy (yr 1) who is sailing through school - he is not top of the class but has loads of friends and self directs his learning ie: is happy in a group or if he decides to do something on his own just goes off and does it. His teacher thinks that he is a lovely sweet natured little boy with no behavioural or learing difficulties.

I am so proud of him and after all the hassles I have had with DS1 (yr 3) realise what a gift he has of coping with life and different people.

Beetroot · 08/11/2008 07:53

dd doing very well and I enjoy this and so does she. I don't need to do anything though apart from support the school adn do all the interesting things that we always do

oops · 08/11/2008 07:57

Message withdrawn

ChippyMinton · 08/11/2008 08:04

Been told this about DS1(7) and DS2 (6). Agree with previous posters that as long as they are happy and sociable, that's the main thing. I'm happy with the school's low-key approach. Tables are grouped by ability but not in an overt way. DS1's target this year (agreed by him, his teacher and us) is to aim to complete the extension work in every lesson. Also his table get different spellings and numeracy homework.

sarararararah · 08/11/2008 09:10

I suppose the obvious question to ask is - is he bored? If he is you are right to be a little concerned - if not they are obviously getting things right. I tell parents their children are wonderful at parent consultations but it means I have noticed they are able and will be doing all I can to extend this / channel it / stimulate interest etc. Not thought of it as a problem before - maybe I'll be more careful what I say in future?!

edam · 08/11/2008 09:16

We got similar comments about ds and tbh it didn't occur to me to worry about them! I'm confident that his teacher is capable and enthusiastic and that his school are very good.

He's in Yr 1 and the school does use sets but the children don't know about it - I only found out because ds was worried about having to go into a different classroom for part of the day. Turns out this is a good thing but ds was worrying because they have only just been put into different classes and he was finding it hard to cope with being mixed up again. Teacher explained to me and him and he's fine now he understands.

edam · 08/11/2008 09:17

Of course the children know they are on different tables across the two rooms, they just don't understand the significance.

shabster · 08/11/2008 09:26

Gmamma I did a wry smile when I read your post about 'bright boys.' My 4th DS was recognising words by the age of 2 and would 'read' through the tv guide with me and show me the words Teletubbies, CBBC etc etc. In reception they let him do the English SAT papers and he came out as 'in the top 5% in the country.'

After reception, during school time, he was bored stiff and didn't start to excel again until Year 6. Straight 5a's in his SATS.

He just started High school and is back to the high achieving, clever kid. The school he is at is very rough the one we picked was oversubscribed by about 800 pupils. His words last night were 'Glad I went to that school Mum - most of them are a bit daft and I'm not and I think I am doing great'

IMO Bunny I would play games with your child like 'Ispy' and let him make shopping lists using pictures and then write down the words. Just have fun and keep on doing what you are already doing. I dont think our schools nowadays encourage anything except 'medium, middle of the road, conventional.'

Here endeth the Sermon

mumto2andnomore · 08/11/2008 09:40

Teachers have many bright pupils and do know how to encourage and stimulate tham.

Im my experience the 'bored' pupils just pick this up from home. Ive always told my children if you are bored then it means you are a boring person.

shabster · 08/11/2008 09:44

Mumto2 - I used to say that to my DS as well. His teacher in year 1 said at parents night 'He's bright but he is a perfectionist and theres no room in this world for a perfectionist. He tells me he is bored and asks if he could get a harder reading book and I just tell him to stop showing off.'

He has no time to be bored at High school and is enjoying every challenging moment.

2shoes · 08/11/2008 09:48

yes I am told that evrytime I go to parents evening. and I feel very proud

cupsoftea · 08/11/2008 09:49

Me too - feel very proud of my kids

shabster · 08/11/2008 09:56

My DS3 was dyslexic and had no interest in any subjects except sport and art. He wandered through every day with a big smile on his face and loads of friends.

Best comment I ever got at parents night was - Matt will never be the top of the class but he gives every subject his all. However, he will go far in life because he is confident in the love from his family, every little girl in the class adores him, he has the sweetest nature and the most beautiful smile. He looks at me with those puppy eyes and has me under his spell.

alardi · 08/11/2008 12:58

SweetBunny, I wasn't having a go at your situation. It was just a wistful comment. All I got about DS for the first few weeks was how unhappy he was. He's settled now, thank goodness (as they keep reminding me, again and again, just to emphasise how bad the first few weeks were).