After school play dates

[Playdough]

I was just wondering if more experienced Mumsnetters could give me any idea of how they cope with after school play dates?

DD (in year 1) keeps being invited to friends' houses and she enjoys going to play. We reciprocate the invitations and the friend seems to enjoy coming to our house. All very good.

BUT ... it is very hard to fit in the daily reading the school wants us to do, plus cooking supper, plus having time to eat and chat, plus time with daddy when he gets home from work and still get my daughter and her brother into bed by their usual bedtime of 7.30.

Also and more significantly my son, who is still at nursery, really hates these play dates. He loves his big sister and looks forward to having her to himself at the end of the day. But when she is with her friends they exclude him and are, frankly, quite unpleasant to him. Then I have to tell them that our rule in our house is that no-one is left out ... then my daughter gets cross, then my son cries ...

Is there a simple solution? Do I try to avoid play dates (not good for daughter's social life at school)? Do I grin and bear it and assume it will get better when DS is at school and has his own after school life?

Any views greatly appreciated.

well perhaps limit it to once a fortnight? and make the time when she is not around special time with your ds so he looks forward to it - eg plan to do painting? and when the mate is over, take him off to do something special just the two of you?

We don't do too many, maybe each child gets 1 per week but no, you really can't avoid it unless you want to make your child sad. You don't have to do the reading every day of the week, any teacher would say a play date is more valuable at age 5/6 than 10mns reading practice.
Surely cooking supper is what you're doing and not what your child is doing? We always feed the person who comes to play so we cook the same way we always do. You don't have to watch the kids play or play with them at Yr 1 age.
I'm afraid your younger child is just going to have to learn! It's a lesson that needs learning as even when he's at school who's to say he won't still kick up a fuss on the days when his older bro has a friend round.

agree with trafficcone
you heap loads of attention on younger sibling while 2 older kids are upstairs playing
shove fidhfingers and wafles under grill, baked beans in microwave
get dh to pick up fish and chips on way home
reading gets done another day
job done

One day a week here. I find Friday is good. DS is now in Yr 3 and I am conscious that we don't do a lot atm but he has an activity 3 days a week - 2 lots of football and one tennis - all with friends.

I think if you limit it to one day a week it doesn't feel too bad and you can get on with other stuff.

slightly diofferent as we've never done organised playdates for the school age dds. But dd1 had apal who used to come round here after school almost every day. She was not very pleasant to dd2 and dd1 wouldn't be around to chat to us etc.

So I limited the pal coming round to two afternoons only. Worked fine.

I think this is an infants problem, by the time you get to juniors you have no time left at all
we just do the occasional fri night... there is just too much homework / too many clubs/sports on any other night.
and unfortunately your ds is just going to have to get used to his big sis doing things without him.

Thanks for all the wise words! Once a fortnight sounds good, fishfingers under the grill sounds good, and giving the child a meal with my children sounds a brilliant idea Painting would work as a treat for DS too. (I was playing with him while girls were upstairs being girly in DD bedroom to avoid fights but it would be perfectly possible for me to paint or something with him in the kitchen while I cook.)

Nice to have such rapid helpful feedback, I was feeling a bit glum an hour or so ago ...

Just limit the playdate to one hour, then there is plenty of time to do everything else.

We do playdates on Fridays only so there is time for homework over the weekend and I do easy, quick meals so I can spend time with DD2 to let DD1 play with friends.

I'd limit it to once a week. But I would compromise with your younger child. Telling the older ones that they must not be unkind to him- fine!

But telling them that he must always be allowed to join in, which means they can't do their own age appropriate things- well, would you appreciate being told that you may never have an evening out with your adult friends without everyone bringing dc's- because the rule is that everybody is to be included?

Your dd needs her own social life as much as you do, and she can't slip down the pub to have it.

Cory, fantastic point about my daughter's social life ... I just hadn't thought of it that way round. You're completely right, why shouldn't she be able to do her own age and sex appropriate things? I guess that the thing is that she has never wanted to until now. (Possibly a slow developer!) Thanks for pointing that out. (I know, I know, how dim can a mother be?)

And, Trafficcone, thanks too for the point about the importance of play dates versus reading. I know my daughter's teacher would say exactly what you said.

Brilliant advice all round. Enormous help in giving me back my sense of perspective