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I'm trying VERY HARD to like school and it was going Ok till today.

32 replies

Fllightthebluetouchpaper · 04/11/2008 18:38

I really wanted ds to try school and give it his -well, our - best shot. I was really positive about it. He had two days, nothing bad happened, fine, he cried somewhat at first but soon settled. I am sure he will like it.

Then today I collected him and he told me something that really upset me. He seemed Ok about it - he just accepted it. But it almost made me cry and I feel angry about it.

What happened was, well he struggles hard with writing and reading. But he has just started to learn to draw - he;s getting confident in it and I always say, 'wow, how lovely,' as he does brill pictures and has a fab imagination.

I said what did you do today, tell me something, I want to hear all about it. He said he hadn't done any writing today - I said, Ok, well you did a lot yesterday so that's Ok. He then said he drew a picture, but the teacher had made him rub it out. I said 'why did she ask you to rub it out?' and he said, 'Because she didn't knew I drawed a picture, she didn't tell me to'.

He said it was a transformer, he loves them and gets very excited about them - but she made him rub out his drawing because she hadn't asked him to do one??

Sorry if I sound ridiculous but this is something that goes against everything I believe re encouraging a child to creata, to have confidence, to learn - i mean fgs. It seems like sacrilege tbh after all my efforts to get him to draw over the summer. Do they want him to have fine motor skills or not?

Grrrrr

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CarGirl · 04/11/2008 18:41

He's in year one now isn't he? They are expected to do what they're supposed to do before going on to "free choice" type stuff.

DD (end of Aug babe) has not been impressed with yr 1 - she never finishes her work and gets to go and play but this has been addressed with her teacher now so hope the situation is going to improve.

lljkk · 04/11/2008 18:41

I guess if you are trying to get 30 children to practice the letter 'a', and instead 30 draw transformers (or anything else they fancy), it may help their fine motor skills, but it doesn't much help any of them learn to write 'a'.

I think by default schools have to institutionalise to some extent, the children all do the same basic task at any one time. I don't understand your background, but maybe that's not acceptable to you?

Fllightthebluetouchpaper · 04/11/2008 18:45

I don;t have any issues with him being got to do his work, honestly I don't. But why make him rub it out>? That just seems, well, cruel and pedantic frankly.

It was his drawing. He took a lot of care over it if I know my son, and she made him rub it out, yes, that upsets me.

Maybe I am being PFB.
It took so much effort to get him to use pens at all.

Cargirl - how did you mannage to resolve/approach it with the teachers? I don;t want to come across as confrontational but I'd like to know why it happened. It makes no sense whatsoever to me!

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bloss · 04/11/2008 18:56

Message withdrawn

Fllightthebluetouchpaper · 04/11/2008 19:03

I think he meant she hadn't asked him to do it so, he shouldn;t have been doing it, so it had to go.

You're right, maybe it was encroaching on something important - I just feel so sad about it for some reason.

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AbbeyA · 04/11/2008 19:08

Why not ask the teacher?-it may all be a misunderstanding.

CarGirl · 04/11/2008 19:13

It helped in part that I suspected the reason why dd didn't finish her work & get to play because she is "a finisher" so she won't rush she will get very involved in what she is doing and want to see it through to the bitter end, you can't hurry her! Also she was upset that she had only got 3 stickers and when I asked what the dc got stickers for she didn't know she could only state how she earnt her stickers.

I just asked the teacher when i could have a chat with her, it was after school one day just said that dd wasn't very happy/finding it hard and wondered if there was anything we could do about it now rather than leave it until bringing it up at parents evening.

I mentioned I thought it was in part her age (youngest in the class, 28th Aug) - teacher didn't realise she was one of the young ones, said that I realised part of the issue is dd being "a finisher" - asked if she could sometimes bring it home to finish so that she got some to play in the class room. I also said that dd obviously isn't aware of what she needs to "improve on" and could teacher very clearly tell dd what she needed to improve on eg sitting stil on the carpet, not chatting at certain times etc as dd hadn't picked up this kind of thing (again partly due to immaturity I think)

DD told me she is now sitting on a table on her own to do her work but dd seems happy with this as she isn't getting disturbed by her friends talking to her - she really does like finishing her work I guess......

I had the same issue at holiday club at church doing half term, dd not wanting to go after the first day because she didn't get to finish her drawing on her kit bag, again we bribed her back and let her borrow all the special pens to finish it at home......

bellabelly · 04/11/2008 19:20

As an ex-teacher i have to say I'd have put it in the bin - mainly so students would know there was no point drawing when they should be concentrating on the lesson. Mind you, I was teaching 11-18s rather than Year 1...maybe that would be harsh? But I do think you are making a big deal out of this. If your Ds isn't upset about it, I can't see why you are letting it get to you so much. But I don't know your background so maybe there is more to this - did you really want to homeschool? Are you missing your DS during the day now he's at school? It does sound a bit like you are projecting some of your own feelings onto this incident. Hope you feel less soon.

Fllightthebluetouchpaper · 04/11/2008 19:36

Cargirl, she sounds completely sweet

It sounds like you did the right thing. I'm glad she's happier. I think they just need to look at each child as an individual, however hard it is.

Actually he said something else I was pleased about today. He told me he hadn't been into assembly because he hadn't really wanted to go in - and they had let him stay in the classroom with two older girls, and didn't make him go in. I thought that was sensitive and sensible of them. He's been having a bit of a time getting used to all the crowd there. So they are probably doing a pretty good job.

Think I am being a bit pfb

I haven't really even met the teacher yet so might leave it a while - also ds doesn;t seem phased by it. But it does go against my philosophy in a big way if it happened like it sounded.
AbbeyA - yes, it might be - i never really knew at the other school, but this one is smaller so I might get a word with his teacher more than once a term!

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Fllightthebluetouchpaper · 04/11/2008 19:39

Bella, thanks for answering - I probably am projecting. It isn't about the home ed side of things, I was totally up for trying school, have been heing the last 2 terms.

I can imagine your tactics working Ok in a secondary school but no, not with a little boy who has only just got enough confidence to draw or write at all. I think to do that would have been pretty barbaric not to mention counter productive!

He often says 'I'm rubbish, aren;t I mummy?' or 'I can't draw' etc etc.

That's why it upset me mainly. He needs to be encouraged.

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newgirl · 04/11/2008 19:40

i thnk the best way to help your ds if anything like this happens again is to ask more questions about what he was meant to be doing eg 'was it maths time' or whatever - and then say 'well let go home and draw lots of transformers - lots of time for that at home' etc

he sort of needs to know when it is time to work and as we all have to do work at some time! there will be loads of time for creative stuff too dont worry!

Fllightthebluetouchpaper · 04/11/2008 19:41

Thanks, yes that is what I said!!

I see what you mean.

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CarGirl · 04/11/2008 19:53

Flight you should try getting my "sweet" dd out the door to school when she "just wants to finish cutting out my butterfly drawing" and "just want to put some gloves on".....it's quite hard to live with

nolongeraworriedmummyfied · 04/11/2008 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

juuule · 04/11/2008 21:10

I would be upset about that, too, the way it appears. Nolonger's approach sounds so much better.
Perhaps as abbeya says it's a misunderstanding. I'd ask the teacher what happened and explain how you have put so much effort into just getting your son to pick up a pencil and draw.

Fllightthebluetouchpaper · 04/11/2008 21:18

Nolonger, that sounds more like it. I would be fine with that.

Hi Juule, how are you? Yes, things I took for granted about hE are really going to show up now I think.

just like not forcing it if he doesn't feel like maths or is tired out trying to get it together to write a short sentence (Ok, maybe a word, have not had a sentence yet)

Praising the inventiveness of his contraptions
Hearing him when he is telling me how something works

I just wonder if they have time for all that in school. I want him to be proud of himself, not always feeling inadequate because he finds it hard to comply with their standards.

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AbbeyA · 04/11/2008 21:48

If it is a nice small school I should get to know the teacher-don't wait for a parent's evening. Volunteering to help in the classroom, if you are able, is a good way to get to know them.

critterjitter · 04/11/2008 22:04

I'd have gently removed the drawing from him, replacing it quickly with another piece of paper (for his writing), and said very quietly that he could have it back at playtime. I'd have continued talking to the class at the same time, to ensure that the focus wasn't put on him.

And I'm an ex Secondary teacher too. Can't say I'd ever ask a child to rub something out under these circumstances. Actually, I've never asked a child to rub anything out!

Other than this, how are you finding the transition from HE to mainstream school Fllightthebluetouchpaper?

bloss · 04/11/2008 23:14

Message withdrawn

sunnydelight · 05/11/2008 05:07

Apology for hijack! How's it going Bloss, have the kids settled into school ok? (I know the school wasn't necessarily your first choice).

Fillyjonk · 05/11/2008 05:49

I think abbey makes a really good suggestion. I know you have a younger son, but is there any way you could volunteer in the school? This is what I did when my son was in kindergarten.

I don't think you ARE being pfb at all, I think that you are not going to be onside with everything school does, you are going to have a different take on things to them.

Fllightthebluetouchpaper · 05/11/2008 06:48

Thankyou, yes Filly you're right and I was fairly prepared for that - but hoping they wouldn't be mean, I do hope I just misunderstood...

I might offload ds2 to mum sometimes and go and listen to reading or something. I think it would be useful.

Critter - thanks for asking, actually I've been quite excited about it - my fingers are bleeding from nametape sewing lol!

It's got to be worth putting some effort into. I want him to know I'm behind him and he said yesterday that he thought it was 'great'.

However it is early days. This morning he's pretty bleary because ds2 was crying a lot in the night, now ds1 is crying, very sleepy - am a bit anxious we'll have more tears before school. Hope he can manage it. It would be bad to have a day off now!!

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bloss · 05/11/2008 07:38

Message withdrawn

Fllightthebluetouchpaper · 05/11/2008 07:43

Panic over

It transpires it was drawn on the...whiteboard

I am a loon

sorry everyone!

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AbbeyA · 05/11/2008 07:48

I thought it might be a misunderstanding!!