Aggressive behaviour in playground (reception) - how much is normal rough and tumble and when do I wade in?

[KanyedFrot]

DS started reception in September. He loved the first few weeks when part-time but since starting full time has been less keen.

He has told me on numerous occasions he doesn;t like lunchtime and right from the beginning, started coming home with tales of being pushed over etc.

Initially I thought this just normal rough and tumble that he would get used to - it's a big school with a separate playground for Reception, but nevertheless 90 children in each year.

A couple of weeks ago he weas bitten on teh hand by one child, and now he is complaining about another specific child who he seems to be afraid of.

Before half term this child apparently punched him and scratched his stomach (he had a visible scratch) and today says this child stuck his fingers dwon DS' throat and it hurt.

When I asked DS what he did, he said he told the teacher and the child was made to stand in the certain area of the playground for two minutes, afetr which he came back and did it again, he was then put in this area again and then returned and did the same to DS' friend.

I am preparing myself to go in now and speak to DS' teacher because now DS is saying he says he doesn;t want to go to school, doesn;t like playtime, and has found a hiding place so he can hide from this child.

But before I do so I just wanted a raincheck really from you lovely lot as to whether I am doing the right thing here.

I really ahve no idea about how much aggressive beahviour is normal in a playground and whether I should expect DS to be learning how to deal with himself or not.

I am also having problems with DS' behaviour at home which has become very aggressive since he started school, plus a lot of night waking - he is obviously very unsettled.

This doesn't sound like normal playground behaviour to me, think you are quite right to go in and speak to DS' teacher. Be aware though that there may be wires crossed in what DS is telling you, so don't go steaming in before you let teacher put her version of events.

I would go in and have a chat with the teacher. Sounds like the behaviour of one child in particular is being aimed at your child.

The teacher may not be aware of all the incidents that go on at playtime/lunchtime - it depends what systems are in place for the lunchtime supervisers to feedback to the teachers.

I would go in and have a chat with the teacher. Sounds like the behaviour of one child in particular is being aimed at your child.

The teacher may not be aware of all the incidents that go on at playtime/lunchtime - it depends what systems are in place for the lunchtime supervisers to feedback to the teachers.

Think you're right o go and see the teacher and try to nip this in the bud now. If you're little boy is starting to dislike going to school and is frightened and hiding at playtime, it's a problem and needs to be dealt with.

Agree with TotalChaos that you best not go in full guns blazing, but you definitely need to go in and have a word with ds teacher and maybe to involve the carer at playtime. It might also be a good idea to have the children sit down and talk about what is going on. Good Luck!

Thank you all for your reassurance.

I am not a guns blazing type!

I don't think....and certainly I want to hear what the teacher has to say.

I feel pretty desperate for DS though

Its a real shock to the system when our boys go into the playground - there's so much play fighting, Power Rangers, all that kind of stuff, I wanted to get out the cotton wool to wrap my boys up in and pull the apron strings tighter .

But, what your boy is experiencing is not acceptable and I think you are doing absolutely the right thing. I would not be happy if this is how our school handled the behaviour. I don't think it addresses the behaviour at all.

Good luck.

do you mean pushing down his throat as in inside his mouth and down his throat?!

Well that's what I'm thinking too, OFFS.

What was the point of putting this child in the central area , when he apparently came straight out and did it again.

What kind of thing do you think the school could be doing to handle this sort of behaviour?

To be honest, I don't know. I think I would ask for the schools anti-bullying policy for a start.

To me, it goes beyond pushing and shoving and throwing his weight around. But its all new territory at this age for us, isn't it? Play it by ear, and don't be scared to speak up if you aren't satisfied. It will also mean a lot for him to know you are on his side and taking care of him.

Sticking fingers down a child's throat is definitely not normal rough and tumble. That sound's very worrying and I would stress this particular behaviour to your DS's teacher.

Let her know about his aggression at home and night waking. And ask how many teachers are out in the playground at playtime.

Yes Compo I think so..to some extent, anyway.

DS said throat, not mouth.

However, it is difficult with DS to be absolutely certain about things, the more I ask him the more confusing things get, usually.

I don't think you should worry about crossed-wires too much from your DS. The fact that he is being aggressive at home, is waking at night, is hiding from a particular child and is generally becoming less keen on school are indicators enough that there is a problem and the school need to deal with it.

Ask about anti-bullying policy as Ohforfoxsake suggests.

At out school, behaviour like that means a child has to miss a whole playtime and probably spend it sitting on a chair outside the headteachers office. I imagine the parent is also informed.

In Year 1 they introduced a Yellow Card (warning)/Red card system which was extremely effective in DS's lively class.

We have been fortunate in that dc's schools have been quite strict with their anti-bullying policies. I think this has been beneficial to all the children. I'd see the teacher.

Thanks everyone

I needed to know my instincts were right.

Will see teacher tomorrow.

How did you get on?