FGS sake, why are the teachers at my ds's school so bloody arsey sometimes?

[DrNortherner]

"Just to let you know. ds has broiught home 3 books recently that he has alraedy read" says I this morning.

she replied:

"Well that's his fault not mine"

Floaty....it is not really too difficult for a child of 6 or 7 (or 5!) to choose a book from a colour coded box or shelf. These books will all be at an appropriate level for the child to tackle. I think the teacher has a responsibility to ensure that each child has the confidence and opportunity to tell her if they are unable to find a book from the assigned level that they have not read.

It is so important for them to have th echance to decide themselves what they are going to read yet. I would NEVER just give a child a book to read at home although they do have to read my choice of book during guided reading sessions!

I despair at your reply infin.

sorry Dr N, I misunderstood, didn't realise you meant the school reading scheme.

I despair at my reply too...loads of typos!

oh god, it's actually for a school reading scheme? I missed that bit. In that case, it's not just rudeness that is a problem here, it's her lazy attitude.

If you decided that it was up to DD to get herself ready for school and you weren't going to bother giving her any guidance, I'm sure the teacher would have something to say to you about her constantly missing books/ clothes/ lunch items. Any excuses from you about trying to make DD independent would be met with short shrift I bet - and rightly so.

Dr. Northerner, if you used the same sarcastic tone with the teacher that you just used with me....no wonder she was irritated. I suggested the library because, funnily enough, it actually doesn't occur to lots of people. I am amazed at how often I have conversations with parents of school age children who don't take them to the library simply because it hasn't occurred to them. In fact, my dh is such a person. He was never taken to the library by his parents, so it would have never occurred to him to take his children there.

Perhaps, next time it might not irritate the teacher so much if you asked her for suggestions on how to get your daughter to pick a variety of books, instead of telling (even if ever so politely) that she is doing something incorrectly. That way it doesn't come off as a direct criticism of the teacher.

infin

excellent

Christ, some of the advice here on dancing round the teacher so as not to irritate her by remarking politely on our DC's education, is quite astonishing. Are teachers really such scary, unprofessional people that we need to doff our cap at them and ingratiate ourselves in the most grovelling manner before they can be prevailed on to be polite?

I'm glad none of my children's teachers are like this, I've always found them perfectly sensible, professional polite people who respond confidently and reasonably to any query I've got on my DC's education. The only people whom I've ever witnessed being rude to parents are TA's. FGS, I know that parents are lowly supplicants when it comes to the school system, but really, common politeness from a professional is not an outrageous expectation from anyone. I bet some of you rushing to make excuses for the teacher, are the very people who complain about lowering standards of behaviour in society. Why is it more OK for a professional to be rude, than a white van driver?

Sofia - my sarcastic tone was in response to yuor assumption that I don't take my son to the library.

I too am amazed at the suggesstions that we have to grovel to teachers to somehow win them over. I know teachers work hard and long hours, mut fark me so so lots of other folk.

I would never ever be rude to any clients of mine in my job, I work in a very customer focused industry and I think that is why I am always dissapointed when I come across rudeness.

LittleBella - you make some really good points there. Thanks

It boils down to the fact that there are teachers who can interact with the parents as well as the children and take an active interest in the childs wellbeing, then there are the teachers who do the bare minimum of what is expected, my ds had the best teacher last year, I owe a lot to this man, he worked a lot with my son over the school year to address his "problems" shall we say that at the end of the school year he was a different boy, he would take the time out and explain things to you, never once raising his voice or getting rude or arsey, if you asked anything of him he would do it in a heartbeat. When I found out that this teacher would be teaching in year 1 and that my son would not be in his class I think I was more heartbroken than my son .

The teacher that my son has now is totally different, she isn't really willing to help, when they were going on the school trip recently I merely asked if it was school uniform or normal clothes to which she replied it's on the letter that was sent home, ok i thought, i read that letter and it didnt say anything, giving her the benefit of the doubt i went home and read the letter again, low and behold it said no such thing, when another parent had asked the same question she replied to her to ask at the front office, on the day before the trip my sons former teacher made a little speech about how to dress for the trip, thank you I thought, it's not really that hard.

I totally understand how much teachers work and its not just a 9-3 job but a little people skills would go a long way xx

You don't know if that's true BloodandMutts, you just think it.

You don't know that teachers have to delegate reading book choice to five year olds in order to have enough time for "children like your ds", as you put it.

I find it very difficult to believe, and I also know that teachers work hard. My siblings were teachers.

Bloodandmutts, I totally agree, thats why I put that teaching isnt a 9-3 job, believe me I know how hard they work, but I don't know what you mean from teachers having extra time to spend with children like my ds.

I guess from having the perfect teacher last year has spoiled me and I expected that all teachers were like that

Sorry I totally didn't get that I'm eternally grateful to his teacher for taking the time out to work with my son to overcome his settling in problems, I still sing his praises now. Also to clarify, my son has none of this "problems" now so his new teacher will not have to take time out to work with him, I was just a bit miffed about the school trip/uniform fiasco not about the changin reading reading books, as my son and I change it after school together xx

Well, I guess it must be cultural differences. I would find your tone curt and rude (even with the cheery good morning in front of it). Perhaps where you live, it's not considered so. I think your tone to me has been rude and uncalled for given the simple suggestion/assumption that I made, but I guess since I am not one of your clients that makes it ok? Odd that you claim not to tolerate rudeness, yet I find that you have been rude to me and by your description of how you spoke to your ds' teacher, rude to her. Clearly you do not feel that you have been rude or that you need to change your behavior. Instead it seems that you feel that the teacher's and my behavior is what needs to change. In which case, I suspect that you are going to continue to get similar "bloody arsey" responses from your children's teachers and no more suggestions from me in responses to your threads requesting things (which I now see was a rhetorical request).

What I really hate here are the comments from teachers re taking your child to your library. My DS1 is in P4 in Scotland and last year I questioned the teacher re the reading books that were being sent home - they were far too easy and yes we were the fifteenth parents to comment on it - what does that tell you about the teacher in question!!! Last year they didn't have free reading to bring home so we substituted by making sure that he had a wide range of books available to him - what infuriated me was the teacher questioned my son re whether I ever took him to the library - she never made the effort to talk to us as parents what additional support we were providing, everything hinged on the yes or no answer to that question. The fact that we work and can only take him to the library on a Wed when it is closed in the afternoon was discounted, the fact that I borrow books from friends buy what he was interested in was completely ignored - from that point on I realised that I was responsible for the education of my son. I have not made the mistake with my second DS on relying on the teachers - if they are given work that is too easy or books that they have already read - then I give the additional work or different books.

Sofia - I resent the fact that you feel you can tell me that the tone I used towards the teacher was rude - you did not hear it, you weren'tr there. But I can guarantee you I was not rude to her.

I was sarcastic to you yes, this was in response to you telling me to take my son to the library without even knowing anything about me or my family. Your post came across as rather condascending tbh, if I misread that then I apologise.

I understand they are encouraging kids to be independant etc etc, of course so am I. But imagine if the teacher said to me "MrsNortherner, ds forgot his PE kit today" and I said "well that's his fault not mine"

It would not happen. And I think she was a little snappy with her reply.

However, I have learnt that the norm seems to be treating teachers with kid gloves.

And this notion that all teachers are wonderful makes me laugh. Because not all of them are.

I would always be over-polite to a teacher. Especially when I was saying something that could be interpreted as a criticism.

What I have learnt about many teachers is that they may well be trained in dealing with children but very few (if any) have ever had any training or support in dealing with parents - which actually is a very demanding job in itself. And the school hierachy are no help to a teacher at all in learning these skills.

The social interaction skills & styles that go on in the business world appear to be alien to a school environment so I have always found I had to reassure a teacher with a pleasantry or two BEFORE I asked for help with my child's work (luckily it's 6th form now which is totally different!) rather than using the direct interaction style I'm used to in the work environment - which has always backfired when I've slipped into it as a parent !

Like being accused of being the sort of person who might start WW3 due to my religious intolerance - as evidenced in my request that my dc was not included in the 3rd trip to the local baptist church in 4 years (we're not Christians) .

Can't be bothered to read all the snipey posts but wondered why you can't just do as we all do at the dses' school: if they haven't changed their book / got one they've aleady read we simply turn them round and send them back in to change it. No involvement with the teacher whatsoever. DS1 is in Yr2 btw.

When mine were at that stage the parents were "banned" from input and from the reading book shelves. There were hissed conversations in the playground about which mums were sneaking in and taking three for the weekend and so on. Children were listened to at least once a day and at least once a week by the teacher, so had regular new books and new levels. Reading at home was a bonus.

Reading standards were exceptional. Those with interested parents were the furthest on. But that was a bonus to the reading practice ALL CHILDREN got at school.

Now, from what I read here, it seems the teachers are just grateful for the parents and kids to do their job for them. That's a big change in five years.