Another settling into Reception thread....

[bojangles]

DD started reception full time on 4th Sept and we have been experiencing problems with her settling in - she is incredibly tired and her behaviour is pretty bad that the hours after school are hellish. This is not helped by me being heavily pregnant with DC3 and having health issues. I wrote a letter to her teacher asking for her to finish early once or twice a week to allow her to rest to help the situation. When I briefly spoke to her teacher in the playground this morning she was very positive and said that it would be fine and she would speak to me later. On collecting DD I was asked into the classroom by the head of foundation stage who made it clear they offered full time only and it was all or nothing. My concerns were dismissed and I was left feeling like a stressed pregnant mother of two who she thought couldn't cope. I am so angry and feel that we are expected to bend over backwards to make the school relationship work but it is all one way. I know legally she doesn't have to be there until term after she turns 5 (easter) but I really don't want to have to fight them.

What would you do? Grin and bear it and hope the beahviour improves or look at transferring - our second choice school has a spare place and is much smaller, however I don't know how accomodating they would be to 'part time' however she may struggle less in a smaller school.

I think I would ring the school and ask for a meeting to discuss the issue with the head, class teached and maybe the foundation stage head. I would not highlight your own issues(ie being pregnant etc), I would concentrate on dd being overtired and not being able to handle 5 full days at present and ask school how they would suggest dealing with this issue. Set it up as a constructive meeting intended to work towards a solution that will work for you all. It cannot be in the school's interests to have a tired and unruly child there.

Thanks Goosey - I think the problem is about our situation though as she is fine at school. I guess I thought, naively, that they would be interested in the bigger picture. I am discussing it with DH tonight as we are concerned that this is perhaps representative of how we will find the school in years to come.

Oh you sound like me!

Also heavily pregnant with number 3, while DD1 has just started in reception (starting her second full-day week today) - she's great at school but is beside herself with tiredness afterwards, v badly behaved, and the walk home is like torture. Took over an hour today with her crawling & weeping (!) part of the way. I found myself praying over the weekeend that her slight cough would develop into a full-blown cold so I could keep her off today but no such luck.

TBH, I just thought we would grin and bear it and am assuming she will improve as she becomes more able to handle it. Am trying to help by keeping the evenings very calm, having something nice for her to do when she gets home, tip-toeing around her a bit more re. behaviour and also putting her to bed early - bath at 6, bed by 7.

Our school did stagger all the new starters and i think this has helped. Sorry not to be of more help - only a month til half-term...

I would just let her have days off "sick" and send in a note to say she was too tired to attend school today. Far from ideal we just coped with it by dd2 going to bed at 6pm during reception!

The school might be interested in your situation, but from what you have said I'm not sure it sounds likely. I think you might be better phrasing it as a "needs of the child" issue.

They cannot refuse to let you take your child home, nor can they withdaw her place. Speak to the Early Years Team at the LEA and outline your concerns.

When I have taught Reception, I have always encouraged parents to recognise when their child has had enough and needs afternoons off.

What is the point of having a child at school having a miserable time, or inflicting that misery on their parents when they get home. The whole point about Reception is to develop positive experiences of and attitudes to early learning. The Foundation Stage Co-ordinator is being overly officious in your case.

Thanks for your responses - I feel very torn as part of me thinks 'grin and bear it' but the other half thinks why should we all suffer beacause of the school policy. It is large school with 60 intake and all children start full time (even her friend who turned 4 on 31st August).

We chose the school because it was closest to us and had an excellenct ofsted however on the visits to other schools we preferred our second choice because it was much smaller - half the size and reception was joined to the pre school and much more homely. The LEA said today that there is a place at the other school so if I applied to transfer she could move at half term.

I very much get teh impression that her current school won't make exceptions beacuse of their size and the only way it works is if all the children comply. There has been very little help in getting the children to settle despite DD going in most mornings crying of very clingy - never been allowed in class room etc.

lol bojangles - you are a stressed pregnant mother of two that can't cope - that is your point!
I have to say that sticking it out is probably the best option. i have no idea when dc3 is due but you might find full time works better at that point! tbh, the running around with one at school and a newborn (don't know where dc2 fits in) isn't going to be easy anyway, and it's a lot easier if you have a full day at home rather than fannying around with a half day drop off and collect/ different days finishing early/ whatever. dd doesn't have any issues at school but is tired and emotional at home? all perfectly normal behaviour for a new yr r - it means they are concentrating hard and behaving beautifully out of home and 'relaxing' a bit when they get in - and are confident enough that you love them unconditionally to be tired and grumpy when they get there.
i'd save the argument with the school - in a couple of months it will be irrelevant anyway, and stick it out. dd will build up her stamina really quickly.
fwiw we have the opposite problem - dd2 has been more than ready for school for a year, and the extended half day settling in period since 9 sept is driving us both up the wall. despite the fact she is already 5 i won't be queuing up at the head's door to get them to take her for full days as that isn't school policy for another week. i pick my battles and this isn't one i would choose to take on.
do speak to the head if you feel strongly - obviously you are within your rights not to educate her full time until the term after her fifth birthday - but make sure it is worth the effort!

I have to say I would stick with (and indeed did) you have to be careful what you precedent you set with your child because come year 1 they are expected to be there full time regardless of how tired they are.

Some of your dds behaviour could well be down to the fact that you are pregnant and uncertainy is on the horizon in your dds world. I agree doing lunch time pick ups with 3 young dc is a nightmare!

Thanks Romy and Cargirl - DS2 is age 2. I was only hoping for one or two afternoons a week whilst DS2 is with Grandma or at nursery to allow DD to chill out and do nothing. I can see the point in sticking it out but I am cross at the way the foundation head was with me - very patronising and dismissive.

DC3 is due at Christmas and I expressed that any shorter day arrangement would be reviewed at half term and I couldn't envisage extending beyond Christmas. I just wanted DD to settle as well as she could before the arrival of the baby.

I am lucky as I am currently off work owing to pregnancy related sickness so I can cope with a few early finishes. I know I could just phone in sick for her when she is tired but I wanted to be upfront with them to try and help solve the problem.

i think we all want to do the right thing for the dcs, but i wonder what she'd be like if you dragged her out of story time with her friends to go and sit quietly at home lol? or playing in the sand/ role play/ music and you are the only mummy to pitch up and claim a child? would she understand why you wanted to take her away when everyone else got to stay? particularly if she isn't struggling at school? i think there is a lot to be said for allowing them to be the same as everyone else at this point, otherwise it can cause all sorts of problems (half of the class bursting into tears because their mummy hasn't come to get them for example)... you wouldn't just be in trouble with the year head then, it'd be half of the yr r mummies after your blood lol!

Don't know if this is relevant to you or not but I found that ds1, who's just started full-time reception too, and just turned 4, was a nightmare on the walk home, which is about 2 miles (not surprising really!)..

He always wanted to go in the buggy but we only have a single one, for ds2, and I thought that ds1 was too old for the buggy really; so we borrowed a buggy board and it has transformed life completely - no more hysterics, back home quickly, and all happy and smiley!

Would that help your situation if you find the walk home just knackers her out after the long school day?

They don't sound very accomadating - our school (which actually has a larger intake) is very much of the belief that children should go full time when they are ready.

I would be tempted to phone in a couple of sick days here and there.

Sometimes as well I think they just save up their naughtiness and take it out on Mummy because they wouldn't dare do it at school, so if you took the afternoon off you may get it all afternoon instead!

I would try the earlier bed times it was lovely

Thank you - I am feeling a bit calmer now - being pg can make you so emotional!! I have ranted to DH, sister and Mum and think I conclude that I hvae had a bad day on a few levels and the response from school was the final straw.

Rushing off to change school isn't the answer and would bring a new set of problems.

I am going to quietly speak to her friend's Mum tomorrow who I know arranged part time for her son at same school last year. I will also play it by ear with her class teacher to see if she raises anything - as I said, I think she understands and would accomodate the request but for whatever reason it ended up being dealt with by the foundation head.

I will grin and bear it with DD and work on everything being calm at home and trying to get some more help from DH and Grandma to help out after school. I had arranged for a mother's help to come in two afternoons a week but she unfortunately let me down yesterday and has taken work elsewhere .

I will also consider the odd 'sick' day here and there to try and cope in the interim.

Many thanks.

Give her a snack when you collect her to eat on the way home, not something sugary but some with a lowish GI, rice cakes, breadsticks, raisins it does make a difference.