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My dd is in a triangle friendship and now the other 2 don't want to be friends with her - she's distraught and I feel like crying for her too.

17 replies

Fimbo · 29/09/2008 16:41

Girls. Arrghhh.

She has been bf with the same girl since reception (now yr6). They have been friendly with another girl since about yr3 since her friend went off to another school. Dd's bf has sort of been a go between for my dd and the other girl as they haven't always seen eye to eye.

It has been glaringly obvious to me that the other 2 don't really want to be friends with my dd any more, but as my dd seemed to have a thick skin/buried her head in the sand, I kept out of it.

Today dd has come home in floods and floods of tears, the other 2 have gone off and don't appear to want to be friends with her. Her bf says dd has been nasty and horrible. DD doesn't know what she has done (which I believe).

I know her bf mum very well and have tried to phone her but she is not in. I am not going to fall out with her mum, if the friendship has run the course then so be it. I would just be trying to get her dd's angle on things.

DD does have other people to play with, but is just very sad as they have been friends for so long.

I have sat her down and explain these things happen and friendships change and that it happened to dh and me when we were children.

I feel so wretched for her.

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JuneBugJen · 29/09/2008 16:45

Poor you and poor her.

I think this is my worst nightmare for own dd (age 4 so a bit early yet). I would almost rather she did badly academically than to have her rolled over by best friends.

No advice, just lots of hugs to both of you and hope it works out soon. Girls are a nightmare aren't they?

CarGirl · 29/09/2008 16:46

Your poor DD I wouldn't speak to the other Mum but would speak to her teacher and get a feel as to who else your dd could build up closer friendships etc. My dd went through something similar at the end of year 5 and after Chritmas of year 6 it was pretty much sorted she built relationships with other children in the class and didn't actually need the old friendship anymore.

Fimbo · 29/09/2008 16:47

Thanks JBJ.

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compo · 29/09/2008 16:48

aw that is so sad for your dd
I think if you are eally good friends with the other mum it is ok to ring and ask
will they all be going to the same secondary school?

Fimbo · 29/09/2008 16:49

Some of the other girls in the class came over and asked her what was wrong as they saw her red eyes and said she could play with them, so at least she will have someone else to play with tomorrow.

The thing is we live in a small village, so they all do things together like Brownies.

Dd is supposed to be going with her bf to see HSM3 and I have bought and paid for the tickets.

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Fimbo · 29/09/2008 16:50

They are all going up to high school next year yes, but the school is a feeder school so hopefully she may make some new friends from that.

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hippipotami · 29/09/2008 16:50

I agree with cargirl. There is nothing to be gained from speaking with the other mum, except to perhaps muddy things further. But speak to the teacher about how to go forward. Perhaps there are some lovely girls in your dd's class who are also havign frienship issues and the teacher point dd in the direction of potential new friends.

JuneBugJen · 29/09/2008 16:51

Still go to HSM3 - it may be a bonding experience!

hippipotami · 29/09/2008 16:51

Let dd choose a new friend to take. You have bought and paid for the tickets - so dd gets to choose who she takes

Fimbo · 29/09/2008 16:52

Dd told the girl if she didn't stop being horrible then she didn't want to go to HSM3 with her, so dd has kind of shot herself in the foot. It's kind of tit for tat reaction - you are hurting me, so I am hurting you.

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compo · 29/09/2008 16:53

the other girls who asked her if she was ok sound really nice
maybe you could ask her if she'd rther take someone else to see HSM?

Fimbo · 29/09/2008 16:56

My friend and her dd will come if I ask them, but I really need to speak to the bf mum, in case they do still want to go. Arrrgh.

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CarGirl · 29/09/2008 17:03

I'm sorry Fimbo it's up to your dd really who does she want to take? I would discuss her option a couple of weeks before the date and let her decide then who she would like to invite, perhaps 2 new friends instead of old one and her Mum?

hippipotami · 29/09/2008 17:16

Don't do anything regarding the HSM tickets now. Do not speak to the mum of ex bf.

Just give it time, adn see who dd becomes/remains friends with. If it is the old bf (and this is just a blip) then take them to HSM as planned.
If dd makes new friends, take new friends.

If you speak to bf's mum, she may make her dd be nice just for the sake of teh tickets. Not what you want.

Fimbo · 29/09/2008 20:09

Thank you everyone.

Have spoken to bf's mum (we have known each other for years and she is really really nice). It seems to be a blip but we will see what tomorrow will bring. Apparently her dd is in tears to and thinks my dd has moved on as my dd is trendy and fashionable whereas her dd is a bit old fashioned (her words not mine) and my dd is included with lots of the girls whereas her dd is not.

She is speaking to her dd tonight and I have already had a long chat with dd - so fingers crossed it will be ok.

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hippipotami · 29/09/2008 20:12

Ow bless them both being in tears. Am sure it is just a blip.

MissisBoot · 29/09/2008 20:16

There'll be fine by the end of teh week I'm sure - bless them - reminds me of when I was one of three and we were always falling out with one another.

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