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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

How does it make you feel when your child misbehaves in school?

16 replies

emkana · 19/09/2008 20:40

Had a chat with dd2's teacher today (she's in Year 1) and dd2 has been misbehaving this week, not helping at tidy up time and being bossy and shouty to other children.

Am amazed how I feel about it.

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Original poster

emkana · 19/09/2008 20:54

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SeamanStainsDisaster · 19/09/2008 20:59

last year DD2 had a lot of trouble. ended in me having to sigh some risk asessment form - they were having to hold her while i scarpered from the building and she lashed out alot.
i was utterly crushed.
she is still 'the naughty one'. which is an unfortunate tag because of course she gets blamed for things others have done alot. i'm not saying she doesn't chat and giggle when she shouldn't but still.
anyway. it hurts. i just try and try to tell her that she must listen. she mst not answer back. she must concentrate.
she is getting better but it is hard

frecklyspeckly · 19/09/2008 21:03

This has been story of my life with ds. More in trouble for being too chatty than naughty. I can sometimes laugh it off, but i try and re -inforce the message from the teachers at home - teachers appreciate this IME.
HOWEVER...
Today I am utterly mortified though as he has ramdomly screamed F*ing Hell in the yard today - he has never ever done this at home - imagine!!! although I am not perfect I cant imagine what the teacher must think . (probably we all speak like this in our house- we honestly dont).

I cried when I got home. Ahhh, it will be someone elses turn on Monday to get those dreaded words:
' Can I speak to you, Ms....?'. No one is immune!!

chisigirl · 19/09/2008 21:05

how do i feel? like i've failed in some way as a parent. i do find it not to take it personally.

chisigirl · 19/09/2008 21:06

how do i feel? like i've failed in some way as a parent. i do find it hard not to take it personally.

Original poster

emkana · 19/09/2008 21:12

I think I feel particularly upset because
a/ dd1 is such a good girl, I've only ever had praise for her, so I'm not used to this

and more importantly b/ it's dd2's birthday party this weekend, and she has brought the class teddybear home, and it should have been an exciting and happy afternoon but it's really taken the shine off now

OP posts:

Blandmum · 19/09/2008 21:17

Take the bear out and get pissed, it will take your mind off your guilt!

they all go through phases, don't beat yourself up

Original poster

emkana · 19/09/2008 21:25

It also grates that I helped with reading in this particular teacher's class lsat year, and I was kind of looking forward to her taking me aside to tell me what a delight it was for her to have dd2 in her class this year...

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HeroicHumphreyCutlassCushion · 19/09/2008 21:32

Oh, it very nearly polished me off, tbh.

DS2 struggled very badly though, and didn't get any support. And was labelled as a bad 'un at the age of 4.

Sounds like DD2 just had a bit of a wobbly week, em.

Blandmum · 19/09/2008 21:37

if it helps any dd was in floods of tears when I picked her up from secondary school today, because one of her taechers moved her to stop her talking in class!

and me a teacher and all that.

But day before yesterday another teacher in the school told me that she was the most delightful child.

they all have their moments.

Elibean · 19/09/2008 22:29

Also if it helps any, I think eldest dds just have to be bossy and shouty sometimes, its their job

Or maybe, in dd1's case, she's just copying her mother

Elibean · 19/09/2008 22:29

My dd1, obviously, Emkana, not yours - I shouldn't post when knackered

pointydog · 19/09/2008 22:50

A teacher sees things in different ways. If a child has vbeen misbehaving, they want them to stop and that can be the only thig that comes over to th eparent. They don't see them as 'Parents' children'. But they still see the nice side of them all, they're not trying to make you feel bad. Well, I bloody well hopw not. All children have great sides and sometimes tachers need to talk about htose sides more.

AlexanderPandasmum · 19/09/2008 23:06

Hi,
I am a teacher (reception) and I see the parents' faces looking when I do have to tell them about a particular incident. I try to be fair and I do mention the good things as well ("X has done some really excellent writing today and he went to show it to Mr Headteacher" or "Y was much better today and she's been really kind to her friend who was upset, haven't you Y?")

I do find that since having DS I am able to empathise much more, and am much more aware of how the child's parent might feel. He's too young for school but attends day nursery 3 days/week, and I was a little to hear he'd been biting the other children.

Charlene1 · 20/09/2008 01:10

My ds has been fighting today - I am mortified at having to see the teacher and the other parents on Monday!!! The shame!!

littleshebear · 20/09/2008 14:05

I have had a lot of "words" about DD2 last year - and in nursery before. It makes me feel absolutely terrible. I also had it with DS1, but that was 11 years ago so I had forgotten how crushing it was. In between dd1 and ds2 are both perfect Peters at school. I console myself with this, but it did mean I got out of practice at taking it on the chin. Oddly enough I have no problems with DD2's behaviour at home at all. DS2 has always been hugely challenging at home, but perfect at school.

One piece of advice I would give but find it really hard to follow myself is that they have been told off once for whatever, and it's really school's problem, not yours to sort out. Once you've had a word with her, draw a line under it and enjoy the rest of the day/weekend - this is far more likely to result in an improvement of her behaviour at school than endlessly harping on/withholding treats ( I have found with DD2, to my cost).My daughter's reception teacher had ds2 and I could tell she was thinking, or she's not like her brother, it is difficult.

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