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are all dds this competitive?

9 replies

nwmum · 15/09/2008 23:10


My dd(5)was very upset tonight as one girl in her Y1 class has been moved to Y2 (Prep school. She was saying that it was unfair as she was better than X at maths and reading etc. We could not console her so after explaining to her that it didn't matter and she was adamant that I discuss with her teacher. We went back into school and had a little chat with the teacher. Her teacher told her that some children move abroad , some children move to a new school and some children stay with their teacher. she also told dd how well she's doing and that she needs her in her class. She seemed ok but isn't appeased. I have no interest in why X was moved as it's none of my business but what I can't/don't understand is why she is so bothered/upset? are they all like this?

sorry for the long rambling post but just wondered if yours would be the same.

OP posts:
Reginaphilangy · 15/09/2008 23:13

My dd1 would probably have been oblivious at that age.

My dd2 is 5 and reckons she's the best at everything any way so has no need to be competitive

Maybe your dd is just thinking that she'll miss 'X'?? Are they close?

pgwithnumber3 · 15/09/2008 23:18

My DD1 is obsessed with thinking that she is in a higher year than her friends from different schools. She always says "Mum, is X only in reception?" when she full well knows her friend is in the same year as her. I put it down to them wanting to be older than they are, your DD probably doesn't understand that intelligence comes into it, she just wants to be the one who is in Year 2 because it makes them seem/feel older. IYSWIM!

Don't worry, it will all be old news in a couple of days and she will have moved on.

nwmum · 15/09/2008 23:31

No they are not close but where in different reception classes and used to compare reading books etc. at playtime. They do play together and have played today

OP posts:
nwmum · 15/09/2008 23:34

She does seem to get the intelligence bit as she keeps on about being as clever or better at things than X. HOPefully in the morning she'll have put it in perspective as much as 5yr old can

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 15/09/2008 23:35

I don't think it is competitiveness, it is insecurity sometimes. My dd is similar but it's not that she wants to be better than everyone else, just that she needs reassurance that she is as good as everyone else - iyswim?

Joolyjoolyjoo · 15/09/2008 23:40

Kids are strange! DD1 has just started school, and her little sis has started the nursery dd1 was at. When dd1 went in with me to collect dd2 there were a lot of kids she had been friends with, and they all crowded round her in her school uniform, but she didn't deign to talk to any of them- just stood there smiling snootily, like she was some kind of international rock star or something!! they seem to be big on positional authority at this age, so maybe that is why your dd is upset?

cory · 16/09/2008 09:37

Sounds like insecurity. My instinct would probably be to take charge and say she is not to worry about other children's performance; it's for the teacher to decide and not for her.

Then I would seize every unrelated opportunity to praise her and make it clear how proud you are of her for what she can do. Not for being better than other people, but for doing good work.

Basically, reassure by telling her that this is not something you think worth fussing about. She will not like it at first, but in the long run it will be more reassuring than thinking that her mum is also anxiously watching how she is performing compared to the others.

Elibean · 16/09/2008 10:18

My BF's eldest dd was exactly the same at the start of Y1. She needed to know she was the best/smartest/fastest etc and tbh, in her case, I think it was mostly due to her feelings about her younger sister being at home with Mum while she was at school.

She's far less competitive now, in Y2, maybe just moved on or maybe because younger sister now at pre-school

GeorgeAndTimmy · 16/09/2008 12:11

My dd2 is like this. Competitive about everything - she wants to know what badges other children have got in things like swimming, she looks at their reading books to see what level they are on, is always asking questions like 'do you know all your numbers after 100?' or 'can you do a headstand?' etc.

Her older sister (just as bright) is completely disinterested in such things - it just does not occur to her to think about it!

Dd2's competitivenes can be a problem, especially with her older sister. I am not sure why she is how she is, but it could stem from the fact they she is very capable and bright, and always wants to feel ahead of the game. We do talk about why she can't always be the best and first at everything, but her ability to deal with it depends on her mood!

No advice, I'm afraid, but I will be watching this thread!

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