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Original poster

God, I'm so incensed am going to burst

66 replies

dinny · 09/09/2008 16:03

AARGH!! Sorry, being pregnant doesn't help (really hormonal and soppy) but ALREADY have issues with dd's new (year 2) teacher.

they drew straws to decide on their "learning partners" - not sure how long it's for or what exactly they do together

anyway, dd's partner is someone rather disruptive, who in the past has caused dd (and lots of others) problems.

yesterday, X wouldn't let dd see the work and dd was put on the sad face (first time ever). I spoke to TA on way in and said dd had been upset as X wouldn't let her share and TA said she had to speak up - I said dd was often scared to speak up (she is quite timid and shy in school), and TA said she'd keep an eye today.

just picked dd up and she was put on sad face and kept in cos X wouldn't let her see the work - am SO annoyed and upset. surely there was a handover from their old teacher to this one and this one knows what X is like??

why should my dd suffer by being paired with her? just don't know how to proceed - don't want to be overly precious but dd has finally been building some confidence and is doing well in her work and I SO don't want it to be ruined.

any advice gratefull received - sorry, v convoluted

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wannaBe · 09/09/2008 17:10

I would ask to see the teacher. but

TA is right - your dd does need to speak up.

If x won't let her see the work then dd needs to speak up and say "x won't let me see the work" you can't always speak for her.

That's not a criticism btw but your dd will get nowhere if she just keeps quiet and takes the consequences.

What exactly was she put on the sad face for?

Original poster
dinny · 09/09/2008 17:11

believe it or not, it was flipping coincidence they were paired - drew lolly sticks, typical!!

this is a really experienced teacher, I should add, with a reputation for being strict

dd likes her though

btw - I have written letters to the school on a couple of occasions over last two years about X, they'd be on dd's file still?

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JacobsPrincess · 09/09/2008 17:12

I'm a teacher and would want to know you were concerned about this situation. However, first thing in the morning is rarely a good time to catch teaching staff.
Also Northern lots of schools don't have enough books for one each in a class. In my school (with only 18 in the class) I rarely had enough books to go around one each AND towards end of financial year we're often put on photocopy rations - not enough money to buy more copier paper so kids have to share photocopies!
And don't get me started on the lack of pencils...

gagarin · 09/09/2008 17:12

Whizz - I do know that - but by relaying parental concerns it can leave the parent feeling as though they have not been heard.

And the TA does not have the power to change the learning partner.

And the OP seemed to think speaking to the TA was what she should do whereas I think making an appointment to see the teacher is what is needed.

Original poster
dinny · 09/09/2008 17:14

thanks, EllieorOllie - I do understand they need to work with all sorts of characters, and that teacher would be reluctant to change partners... I obv object to dd being punished for X's naughtiness

what would you suggest I do? write a note asking to have a word after school and give it to dd to give to the teacher? and then say what? it just feels a really fine line to tread.

I have told dd to speak up but she says they get in trouble if they speak when teacher is talking

also, X is the type to explode in hyper way and start shouting etc

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Majeika · 09/09/2008 17:15

Just do it Dinny.

Go into school early and ask to have a quick word with the teacher. If the TA is getting the children in from outside then the teacher will be in the classroom so you can have 5 minutes with her.

This is not acceptable and needs dealing with asap.

wannaBe · 09/09/2008 17:16

also, was she kept in as punishment? or to finish the work?

Afaik at our school children are told to stay in and finish what they're doing before going out to play - it's a way of encouraging them to do the work rather than messing around - there are several in my ds' class who would do nothing and would leap up and straight out of the door as soon as playtime came around!

SoupDragon · 09/09/2008 17:16

Asking to have your DD reassigned a partner will also make X think she's "won". By getting the teacher to come down on her for not sharing means she hasn't.

NorthernLurker · 09/09/2008 17:16

Jacobsprincess - I'm by that. Have just doublechecked with my girls and they have never had to share books - which makes me feel very lucky but is no help to the op - sorry!

wannaBe · 09/09/2008 17:17

x shouting etc might be just the response you want - will give the teacher a good idea as to what kind of child she actually is.

Original poster
dinny · 09/09/2008 17:21

she said she was on the sad face, so presumably a punishment? but she did have to stay in to finish the work at playtime

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TsarChasm · 09/09/2008 17:23

But maybe she's afraid to speak up in case of repurcussions from the other child. She's obviously a reserved person and eveything is new at the start of term. All quite overwhelming and suddenly she's pushed into conflict

If it was me dinny, I would ask the teacher at the start of the day for an appointment after school to discuss this asap.

Deep breath and stick to the facts. The one occasion I had to speak to dd's teacher about an upset with another dc I started to cry and I'm not a cryer either so I was a bit surprised at how it affected me once I started to talk about it. Is there someone that could go with you?

Original poster
dinny · 09/09/2008 17:26

yes, she definitely isn't someone to speak up anyway, she's very shy and reserved in a group

how do I ask teacher in the morning though, she's not around? prob note is best, asking to see her and outlining concern?

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Original poster
dinny · 09/09/2008 17:31

and what can I say if she is unreceptive to the problem, if you get my drift

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Notquitegrownup · 09/09/2008 17:36

I would be v angry too - but it is best to ask the teacher to resolve it before exploding. I cannot understand why the teacher is not aware of the situation though! Where is she all lesson? Why can she not see that your dd cannot do the work? Your daughter is entitled to be taught and the teacher should be in control enough to ensure that she can do her work, not punishing her for something that is not her fault.

The idea of a note sounds good, as it alerts the teacher to the problem and allows you to ask to see her

Original poster
dinny · 09/09/2008 17:39

yes, I shall write a short note and get dd to give it to her, I think

the unfairness of it is awful...just can't believe she wouldn't have had a thorough precis of all the kids from prev teacher...

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AbbyLou · 09/09/2008 17:46

I teach Y1. I would say you should make the teacher aware of the problem as soon as possible.
In answer to the other question - I would not punish a child if they couldn't do their work because someone wouldn't share BUT I do keep Y1 children in for not finishing work. I know that I only expect from them as much as I know they could do and if they can't be bothered to finish it, they miss their playtime. I am not saying that this was your dds case of course, just that someone queried keeping children in to finish work.

Original poster
dinny · 09/09/2008 17:47

AbbyLou, how can this teacher not be aware of X's reputation though, do you think?

althought, I suppose it dd hasn;t actually TOLD her X won't share....

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yellowvan · 09/09/2008 17:53

Your dd should not have to put up with this, don't know if this will help you or her but I just want to say that in a funny sort of way the teacher is complimenting your dd for being such a good role model for sharing, and she obv wants some of dd's goodness to rub off on x ( i know it doesn't feel that way btw.)

Also, she may be wary of ALWAYS blaming x for any hassle (as she has already got a reputation, so this may have happened a lot previously) and by blaming dd she is avoiding x always feeling "to blame", and trying to show x and the other chn she is even handed (tho not from your pov I know)and can give x the benefit of the doubt (which might be what she needs to bring here round.

definitely talk to the teacher, tell her you understand what she is trying to do, but please move dd.

Original poster
dinny · 09/09/2008 18:09

yellowvan, it was a random pairing

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Majeika · 09/09/2008 18:41

what was wrong with my idea?

edam · 09/09/2008 18:51

Oh, poor dd, that is rotten. Hope some of the suggestions here help.

Original poster
dinny · 09/09/2008 19:21

Majeika, sorry, thought I had responded - just a bit tricky in the am as have dd and ds with me too...am tempted to just go in tomorrow am though tbh

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Original poster
dinny · 09/09/2008 19:50

and also, a couple of people pointd out morning is v rushed for teachers.....

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pudding25 · 09/09/2008 19:50

I am also a yr 1 teacher. Please be aware that teachers are only human! We have 30 children in the class and it is a new yr with 30 children to get to know. Until you speak to the teacher, you won't know exactly what is going on in the classroom - not that I am doubting your dd in any way-but you need to know exactly why she has been punished and what work they are doing together.
Books are often shared in schools - it is rubbish but not a lot we can do about it.
I am sure that the learing partners will be changed regularly.
You need to apeak to the teacher to ask her to keep an eye on X and dd.
Call the office and arrange to have a meeting with the teacher who I am sure will be understanding.
I am sure that you will get it sorted but remember, that someone has to be x's partner and if x is difficult, I am sure that the teacher will be aware of this and will also ensure that X is spread aeound the whole class throughout the year.