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Where do I start trying to get to know the new moms

10 replies

vilgax · 08/09/2008 18:01

My ds has just started juniors at a new school and although he seem to be settling I have no idea on how I can try and start mixing in with the other moms.

I have been going a week and I have not spoken to a soul and I have only managed to pinpoint a couple of people as moms of children in my ds's class.
I honeslty feel like a freak at the moment and a real loner bearing in mind that I have always suffered from shyness anyway and have always had difficulty making small talk.
Has anybody any tips on how to play things at the moment, I am still trying to work out who his classmates are and who their parents are.
However I know that even when I do find out who they all are I will probably end up standing on my own wishing I had the courage to walk up and join in their conversation.
My ds is the only new one in his class and the other moms will have probably known each other since nursery.
I have to go to this school for a few years and I do not want to be like this for too long especially as I would like my ds to start having playdates after school.
Please help I am so useless at this even after just a week I am starting to feel depressed.
Any ideas on how to approach moms who are engaged in conversation, what sort of conversation could I start with them.
Sorry for sounding so pathetic.

OP posts:
potoftea · 08/09/2008 18:07

First of all you don't sound pathetic. Most of us feel like this joining an established group.

It may take time, don't be too hard on yourself.

If your ds seems to have one or two particular people he is getting on well with, maybe ask one of them around after school. You'll have a good excuse to chat to his mother whilst making arrangements, and could even ask the mother over for coffee whilst the children play.

pickie · 08/09/2008 18:10

We had the same when DS started at a new school and I offered to help a the school which made mixing with other mums little easier. Ask if DS wants to invite a friend.

Ask other moms where their kids got the ben10 stuff from is also a possible opening, Vilgax ;-)

vilgax · 08/09/2008 18:14

Thanks potoftea
I am so useless and shy away from this sort of thing even though I don,t want to.
It always seems easier to just pick him up and rush off back home again.
However I know this won,t do me or my ds any favours in the long run.
I am not sure if I can pluck the courage up at the moment to do what you suggest although I think it would be great if I could.

OP posts:
vilgax · 08/09/2008 18:15

lol pickie I know all of the names now

OP posts:
naughtynoonoo · 08/09/2008 18:17

good ideal about ds asking one of his friends for tea / to play. How about you joing the pta??? Does the class have a rep?

naughtynoonoo · 08/09/2008 18:18

another idea is where is the school - just in case on the offchance one of our dc go to the same school. I'd look out for u if u at at my school. hope you can link up to somebody this way

ComeOVeneer · 08/09/2008 18:20

When dd started a school after her peers, my first interaction was to ask about things like where to get the water bottles/school uniform etc ( I sort of knew the answers but it was an ice breaker). 1 year later I was chair person of the PTA, now have a huge network of friends/playdates for dd, great evenings out and we are planning a weekend spa treat befor christmas. I was by no means a confident person before this (it really took guts to put myslf out there but it has paid off).

misselizabethbennett · 08/09/2008 18:24

Inviting friends for tea/playdates is ideal -you meet people one at a time and of course you'd always chat when they come to pick up their DC.

Do the children stay in the playground for a bit after school - if so, let your DS stay for a bit and just take the time to work out who's who.

When you've identified some of the parents, just go up and ask them something practical about the school whilst letting them know you're new, eg:

"hi, are you class X parents as well? My son has just started at this school - can I just ask how often they get to change their library books/how do you know whether PE is going to be inside or outside/etc". This way you haven't put yourself 'out there' emotionally, and I bet you'll find that the others are happy to chat.

Finally, I'd urge you not to be scared of introducing yourself. They will be standing in groups out of habit, not because they don't want anyone else to join. The first step is to take the time to work out who they are, and then pick one of them to make contact with.

Good luck - I know this is hard but you will be proud of yourself when you have started to make contact.

vilgax · 08/09/2008 18:41

I will have to try I have tried looking friendly but I know that unless I make more effort its not going to happen.
I am having some difficulty at the moment working out who is who.
Its a large school and very crowded at home time and the children all come out any old how and in no particular order.
They don,t come out onto the playground either so there is no sort of time for them to run off and play together before leaving the grounds giving me the chance to get to know people.

OP posts:
ComeOVeneer · 08/09/2008 18:58

Can you ask your child to perhaps point on mums from his class (once they are linked up to the children so to speak)?

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