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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Tell me this isn't going to be a problem....

60 replies

linney · 21/07/2008 18:11

I'm a namechanging regular because I think people in RL know who I am and this is someone else's secret.

The head teacher of our primary school is gay and plans to come out in September - he's been Head for a year and was deputy head for two years before and he's reasonably popular and very effective. He's found it hard being "in the closet" this year and has told the governors he doesn't want to keep it secret any more.

As a bunch of average parents, please tell me whether you would have a problem with this - and how you would receive the information. I'm of the "Oh are you? Have another cup of tea" persuasion myself - but I am aware that not everyone is as relaxed about such matters. Or are they? Opinions, please.

OP posts:

funnypeculiar · 21/07/2008 21:54

I wouldn't care in the slightest. More tea?

Sadly, in an 'average' school, I would expect a few parents equate gay with interested in boys

FAQ · 21/07/2008 21:57

wouldn't bother me either

kid · 21/07/2008 21:59

My DCs old headmaster was gay but it was never a secret. Some parents had a problem with it, those parents removed their children from the school. More fool them because he was fantastic at his job.

Taxidriver · 21/07/2008 22:02

my dc's old headmaster was gay, he left the school before having a civil ceremony. it never occured to me that he was gay.

tbh i think mst parents might associate gayness with paedophilia, they are not all intelligent mumsnetters.

madamez · 21/07/2008 22:03

Well, a gay person does tend to need to not hide it ie to be able to make casual conversation about home life, going on holiday etc, without having to self-edit so as not to make any mention of a partner's gender - and it's not unreasonable to want to bring your partner to social events where all the hets are bringing theirs.
I certainly wouldn't be in the least worried, and actually think it's good for DC to know openly gay people who have normal jobs and feature in everyday life. It should help to reassure any DC who think they might be gay themselves that other gay people exist and live happily enough, and might cut down on homophobic bullying in the school as well.

AbbeyA · 21/07/2008 22:09

It wouldn't bother me or alter my opinion-his ability as a Head is all that matters.

kid · 21/07/2008 22:16

Several children at the school throw the insult 'You're gay' at eachother. Perhaps if they have a positive gay role model they will realise that infact its not an insult at all.

seeker · 22/07/2008 05:47

I'm interested in this thread. I'm with the "why should it matter?" brigade - but I know there are mumsnetters who have strong objections to homosexuality and have expressed that view on other threads. Does the fact that none of them have posted here mean that they wouldn't mind if their child's head teacher was gay? I am delighted if that is true - but a bit surprised, I have to say.

AbbeyA · 22/07/2008 07:50

I can't really see how anyone can object, he is the same person that he always was and his private life doesn't impinge on the children in any way. Hopefully the parents at the school will be as supportive as the people posting on here.

Flamesparrow · 22/07/2008 07:55

Our deputy is gay - dunno how well known it is but it doesn't bother me in the slightest

this however does:

"Wouldn't be at all bothered - unless he's planning on discussing it with the kids!"

Why can he not discuss it with the kids???????

herbietea · 22/07/2008 08:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Fizzylemonade · 22/07/2008 08:24

Wouldn't bother me, my sister is lesbian and I talk openly about her girlfriend. It is not something I am ashamed of, I am happy that she has found someone she loves.

My nephew is 9 and therefore the whole lesbian thing has been discussed with him by my sister. Whereas my two are 5 and 2 so they just have 2 Aunties as opposed to an Aunty and an Uncle.

I think children are very accepting of anything if they are allowed to ask questions about it. It is the intolerant parents who prejudice their children against anything they deem to be out of the ordinary.

kslatts · 22/07/2008 08:50

I wouldn't have a problem with this. I don't see my dd's teacher's sexuality any of my business.

Taxidriver · 22/07/2008 11:52

yes seeker, where are they all.

ProfessorGrammaticus · 22/07/2008 13:43

Because the children don't need to have an explanation of what "coming out" means. At that point in the thread all we had been told was that he planned to come out in September. An announcement in assembly would be neither necessary or appropriate.

By the time of your post, Linney had told us that he doesn't plan to make a big announcement, just to bring his partner to school functions. Which is fine, obviously.

Madsometimes · 22/07/2008 14:56

When I was at school in the 1980's we had a gay deputy head at our Catholic primary school. He was undoubtably the best teacher in the school, and although I was never in his class he was one of those memorable inspirational people. His sexuality may have held him back from gaining a headship, our head was a nun (she was grim). I do not remember if I was conscious of his sexuality at the time, although he was very camp, with a moustache and wore cravats. He was fab teacher and every parent was delighted to have a child in his class.

batters · 22/07/2008 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blu · 22/07/2008 15:13

Wouldn' bat an eyelid.

There would definitly be parents at DS's school who would mutter and say it was Not Right etc, but they are the ones who mutter and moan about everythng...and funnily enough the exact same ones who are never seen at any school social events, so I wouldn'tworry about that aspect.

The biggest problem at DS's school would be some Yr 6's - at an age where they often deal with their own inexperience and confusion around sex, identity, peer presure by being violently 'yuk, eeergh' about homosexuality. I guess the Head and Governors are going to need tknow how to handle thatso that he isn't undermined.

DS and all his close friends all know about or know gay people and are completely cool abou it, but I thnk ones wsho have not been introduced to the idea calmly by thier parents are more shrieky and silly and full of dodgy ideas from their parents.

Marina · 22/07/2008 15:26

I think that, alas, Mn is not an average bunch of parents in that we seem to have a very high "more tea?" level - which is very good in general but may not necessarily apply in the case of your Head.
I hope the Governors give the Head the support he deserves and let him get on with being Out and doing his job.
But I agree with Seeker and Blu, there are Mners who have been very critical of homosexuality on other threads, not posting here just now - and I can think of parents at our dc's school who would chunter about the matter, unfortunately.
Good luck to him, linney. Any relation to Romulus or Laura ?

ByTheSea · 22/07/2008 16:48

Wouldn't bother me at all. Anyway, I have excellent gaydar and would probably know anyway.

MadBadandDangeroustoKnow · 22/07/2008 18:07

Would not bother me in the least, but I would hope that the governors will be ready to give the head their full support and deal with any negativity or homophobia from parents.

iBundle · 22/07/2008 18:10

more tea here too

I think it's sweet that he wants to come out to the school, as it shows how much he feels part of the community after a year there.

However, I agree we are a very open (atypical) lot here on MN - I do hope he doesn't get any negative responses.

ihatebikerides · 22/07/2008 19:33

Why on earth would it be a problem? Unless there's a subconscious fear in some that, to be gay somehow equates with child abuse? Please tell me that that's not the issue here....

MorocconOil · 22/07/2008 19:46

It gives the children a positive gay role model. I am sick of hearing children taunt others by calling them gay as if it's an insult.

Cammelia · 22/07/2008 19:52

I'm wondering why he is bothering to come out. None of the gay teachers I have come across have ever stated what their sexuality is.

How is he going to come out - announce it in a newsletter ?

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