Rule number 1 - don't read another child's school report, it WILL be better than your DC's

[pgwithnumber3]

Why oh why did I read DD1's best friend's school report (she came back to our house for a play, it was sitting looking at me, temptation was too much!).

It was so much nicer, how she will be missed blah blah blah.

Why do these things bother us so? Do we all want our children to be the best?

exactly wannabe.
i think that because i have had both ends of the spectrum, i can understand it well. had dd been my first child inschool, i may well have been one of the smug, competitive moms, the sort you describe.

ds1 was lucky enough to have the most fabulous senco who helped him along at his pace, and in year six, he actually sat the grammar entry exams. a fabulous acheivemnt for him. he didnt get in, but the fact that he was able to sit them was fantastic for him. ds2 unfortunately doesnt have the same senco, but whilst he is below the average in his class, their is a sn child in his class who needs her more, iyswim. he is progressing along at his own pace, and so what if he doesnt get to level five until everyone else is on level ten. he is getting there and is happy doing so, and that is waht is important.

I would be very annoyed if another parent read my DCs report because she had access to it. It is a big mistake to do comparisons anyway.

Why did you read it and feel like this? I'd guess a combination of natural curiosity, plus a big dose of anxiety. I think we are very anxious generation of parents - all worrying away about our children. Partly I think its because it's a hard world out there that puts such an huge emphasis on being tested (even at seven), 'doing well' - ie getting qualifications and making money (and being slim, beautiful etc) We see how high the entry levels are for jobs and how much you have to earn to buy a house and I think we do get anxious as to whether our children are successful. Also we know more about child development etc than previous generations (just as we know more about, say, nutrition) and that makes us anxious too!
Standards are so scarily high nowadays - being shy, awkward, not so clever - ie ordinary - seems like failure. I was stunned to see old footage of the Abba girls recently. I remember the blonde one being considered a raving beauty in 'my day' but now with her crooked teeth, blah hair and saddlebag thighs, she'd be off to the cosmetic dentist and person trainer before she was even allowed on video!
I think the only solution is to concentrate on our own child, to try to take pleasure in their progress and achievements and also to TRY to enjoy the progress of our friends' children. But it isn't always easy.
I was overjoyed when my ds's report described him as popular and well loved and the teacher said she'd miss him and it meant the world to me because he has Aspergers and he hasn't always had teachers say such lovely things about it. We all want people to see our children the way we do!

I have never seen another child's report (they are normally in sealed envelopes aren't they?) but in the past I have looked at children's reading record books when they were at my house - it's just nice to make a comparision, favourable or not! I entirely understand the temptation pgwithnumber3, although if you're going to look you have to be prepared to be disappointed!

I vividly remember my friend asking to read my daughter's report and being really upset because she thought it was better than her daughter's. It wasn't...just her perception.

I help out at DD's school and have photocopied all the children's reports from DD's class and year above. But I was very careful and determined to not read any of the, bar DDs. I just didn;t want to put msyelf in that position of knowing what the otehr children were like, though of, etc. Besides I already know some aspects of it with helping out.