totally deflated after parents evening........and he's only just finished reception class!

[myermay]

Saw ds's teacher last night and feel totally deflated/disappointed with the whole thing!

She is not the nost forthcoming teacher and you never get much feedback - however, last night she nmanaged to give me about 1 minute worth of good things about ds and the rest was pretty rubbish.

She concentrated on how he is too competitive, always wants to go first, not good at taking turns, blurts the answers out whilst others are still thinking what the answer is..... etc etc. I understand it must be fustrating and i now he is very dominant and a strong character - but why are they so bloody negative!

They gave me no insight into what he has been doing/achieving in class apart from saying he's "as bright as button", doing well acedemically but .......... then realled it all off.

Is this normal? i know it must be hard as they have 29 other kids to deal with and he has to take turns etc.

How do you tame a strong/dominant character at home in order for them to do better at school. She said they don't normally tell children to take a back step, but they want him too.

That doesn't sound right to me. She should be able to manage him better than drop this on you at the end of term. What does she expect you to do about it?

No advice but I understand how you feel. I was deflated after parents evening with ds's nursery teacher!

I sometimes wonder if they really "know" a child at all, especially if they have 30 to a class. My ds's nursery report was glowing but some of the things they said about him, didn't feel right to me. I.e. that he is good at sharing with other children - err no he doesn't!

Sorry you feel deflated.

...just quickly..so excuse bluntness!

he has only just finished reception as you say...so in some respects that can be seen as a good thing...ie plenty of time to 'settle in' over the years

ive got all this to come oin sept (ds already does not 'want lessons' !!

firstly dont feel too bad hes very young and the teacher had limited time to speak to you

secondly appreciate the positives -academically hes good so you arent one of us mums heading to whsmiths today to buy letts books to study over summer,worrying that our childs whole education will fil and we are solely responible.

thirdly work on the negatives ok his turn taking isnt so good play games like top trumps and connect 4 encourage his friendships,watch how other children play comment to them on how they play xxx is so ind he always shares the ball with xxxx even tho hes much better at catch ......encourage him to be ware of other people feelings explain to him ometimes its better to not shout out the anwer but listen to other answers and see who was right,praise him and let him know that the teachers know he is clever but its nice to be clever nd hve a kind heart lets think about who you can help today etc etc im sure the teacher wasnt saying your ds couldnt fit in just that he needed a bit of guidance to fit in .....next term after a summer at home and a new teacher it may be a completely different story - i always find parents evening a bit of a anti climax tbh.

as a nurery nurse i understand the need for a class to 'gel' together and see that characteristics in ome children can make this difficult but as a home educator i see how my youngest ds has developed in his personality ,uninhibited by the classroom influences.

Have you had a written school report? That usually explains in more detail what/how well he has been doing in class.

If your ds' behaviour really was an issue I would have expected the teacher to have spoken to you about it by now.

Tbh I would expect the teacher to explain strategies to deal with your ds - at school and how you can reinforce this at home.

This is why I think parents eve at this time of year is a totally rubbish idea... So now she's given you all this negative info about you ds what can you do about it? there's like 1 week left at school.
You know what myermay..I'd totally ignore the old cow. your ds is what? 5 tops? no, they're not great at taking turns, sharing etc that's why they go to school to learn social and academic skills. If I were you I'd totally forget about it. See how he is at the beginning of next school year.

I will post my thoughts later (I have one like yours - he's just been put on the G&T register...) but gotta go do the nursery run.

don't be disheartened: he's prolly just very bright and she can't cope....

Hi thanks all for these messages, you've made me feel better.

You right, if there was a problem wiht his behaviour then they would've addressed it by now. I know he's not naughty, he's just very strong character and likes to finish things ie, cutting, sticking when he's finished, rather than when he is told too. I'm not blind to any of it, i know what he is like!! He's just got to realise that what the teacher says goes, because if all children did as they pleased, it'd all be a bit of a mess.

We play lots of games at home, so he knows how to take turns with games etc with me - he's obviously just different in class.

Thank you for all your tips i will take them on board.

Hi again, My son is a very strong character and also very bright. This makes him difficult to handle for teachers as he also shouts out in class etc.

We've now learnt (the hard way) that each year and teacher is different and some handle this better than others. He had a brilliant Yr1 teacher (an NQT!) who realised he was much better being given a challenge rather than just told off. So she gave him lots of (social) responsibilities, as well as academic challenges (helping other kids, being monitor for this that and the other) and she positively reinforced this with stickers etc...

He's just had a much less satisfactory year when he was being under-challenged TBH and didn't get on with his teacher at all.

Next year, if he seems to be coasting and behaving badly, I will be going in to school early on to see how we can jointly deal with it. A good teacher will recognise both your DS' brightness and high maintenance style quickly and will want to work with you to manage him well...

The long list of negatives just shows she is a bit lacking in imagination.

Good luck!

hi wilfsell for this, very interesting. I don't claim that he is super clever adn not being challenged, i just feel that they don't seem to know how to deal with his persistant/strong character other than to push him back. She actually said that most kids they want to really enthusiastic etc but with him they are trying to stop it a bit....just seems an odd thing to say. I think your old teacher sounds fab how they dealt with him.

I know it must be so hard with 29 other kids all with different personalities, they all have to tow the line and be the same.

Fortunantely i really like his new teacher, i've heard she has a good way with boys, fingers crossed! thanks again all