Reception report says emerging in PSED, feeling worried and seeking advice

[Wherenextt]

My reception child received their end of year report, and they’ve failed to meet a “Good Level of Development” in the Early Learning Goals. They were “emerging” in two of the bits of Personal, Social and Emotional Development (Self-Regulation and Relationships). Teacher told us that they have made good progress after being very unsettled starting school, and almost met the standard, but not quite.

I’m not sure how best to support in this area other than with consistent, loving parenting and support. I can’t help but feel upset as it seems that my child is being pegged as a failure on a personality assessment, or that our parenting has failed. Perhaps I’m being silly, but there’s a similar recent thread where a poster’s child is in a similar situation but “emerging” in reading and maths - somehow this feels easier to deal with and less of a personal failing.

Can any teachers or parents who have been through similar offer advice?

Focus on the parts your child has done well and made progress in. He still has at least 12 years of school left - there is a lot of time to get things right. Of course every parent wants a glowing report with nothing to work on but that rarely happens, only with a small handful of kids.
Reception can be a rude awakening for many children and a lot do not find it easy. Enjoy the summer, let him take a break and look forward to the challenges of Year 1.

Please read your post back. You have used failed or failure 3 times. Teacher has said “ good progress” try to focus on this.
Sounds like DC has done well in an area that was initially challenging. There are lots of rules and routines to adapt to and likely 29 peers to interact with.

As PP has said try to enjoy the Summer. Y1 is very different to Reception and may suit DC better.

Thanks. I’m trying not to worry, but it’s hard not to feel like he’s been written off. If he was struggling with maths, it would be easier to know how to tackle that!

How has he been written off?

I understand @Wherenextt . It feels like a comment on his personality rather than his academic abilities! It won’t be, though.

My DS takes most things in his stride but reception has been a bit of a mixed bag in terms of navigating friendships and listening to teachers. I haven’t had his end of year report yet but I wouldn’t be surprised if he has something similar. I think the problem with those sorts of ‘mastered / developing / emerging’ words are they are too general to really mean anything. So for instance with my DS, he has some good friendships but also has struggled with a relationship with another boy in the class, who he craves approval from but also weirdly doesn’t necessarily like much (!) but that’s all complex so you get emerging or developing on a report about social and emotional stuff.

Boys also do generally tend to be a little behind girls in this area (and then they get to Y4 …)

Children’s development is really uneven. Some walk early, some walk late. Dont worry about it, instead schedule a meeting with the teacher and ask how to support your child. You can also liaise with the health visitor if you are very worried.
but most importantly, play with him, talk to him, meet up with other people… maybe some holiday camps? So he has plenty of opportunities to practice his social skills.
enjoy the summer with your child!

Arrange some play dates, encourage some turn taking games. Is your child young in the year group?

I understand your concerns but I think perhaps it might be helpful to take the long view and consider other factors.
My DD was summer born and a determined character.Whilst her reception teacher was very competent she was in the early stage of her career and I don't think her teaching style suited DD. This was before the Early Learning Goals and I'm sure she'd have been assessed as emerging.
However the year one teacher was very experienced and got the measure of DD straight away. Year one is naturally more structured and the teacher was firm and consistent. DD thrived and loved her.
Your son's experience in reception could well be a blip. I wouldn't underestimate the difference a bit more maturity makes.
Everybody is exhausted at the end of term. Try to keep this in perspective and enjoy the summer.September is a new start.

It's not a personal failing! It's a developmental target that not all kids achieve within a classroom environment. My daughter was behind in that AND the communications based area for most of the year. To me these were the two most important standards of this year - especially as they won't be included in the rest of their education.

She received specific support from them, with a plan and targets, and they including things that we could do to support and reinforce at home. EG. practicing phrases for joining in play, buying and reading the book the class uses to discuss emotions so we could use the ideas and language from it at home ("The Colour Monster" if you're curious. Your school could use a similar resource.)

If you didn't get anything like that from school, you didn't have the information or the resources to give support that would have helped him beyond consistent, loving parenting and support. Did the school tell you what areas he struggled with most? This may help you figure it out. It's a bit late in the year now, but see if you can get a meeting early on to discuss this.

And, by the way, my daughter is a mid-year kid, so it wasn't because she was young compared to the rest of the year. It was because those areas are hard for her in that environment. Yes, younger kids are more likely to struggle, but even a September born kid can struggle in these areas and it not mean that they have any personal deficiencies.

Teacher told us that they have made good progress after being very unsettled starting school, and almost met the standard, but not quite.

Have a really great summer, see how they are in September, pick up with the new teacher if not.

They are extremely close, if the assessment had been done a month later they may have been fine.

I work in early years and this is such a common thing at reception age. I think I understand what you’re saying - being ‘emerging’ at maths or English is more academic, and therefore easier to accept differences, and to know how to support them. But with PSED, you feel it’s more personality based, and therefore a personal or parental failure? Firstly, it’s absolutely not that. It’s not a measure of personality, but looking at skills that children develop, just as much as with language and number, and that take time and practice. Taking turns, for example, and sharing, is a social skill that children have to learn. Honestly it’s the most common thing I hear in Early Years, and it’s absolutely normal for children in reception age not to have got to grips with it yet, because they’re still so little and still working on these skills.

There’s plenty you can do to help develop these relationship skills - playing games that require turn taking, encourage/enable playing with other children or modelling sharing at home, and using conversations to help them understand the concept of friends and empathy. But just by being at school your child will be exposed to so many opportunities to develop these exact skills, so it’s definitely not anything I’d be worried about with my children. There’s plenty of time for them to develop.

The exact way you describe to help your child is the exact right thing; supportive, loving and consistent home life.

Separate ‘it feels like’ from what has actually happened. The school have a duty to report to your where your child is at, it would be completely irresponsible of them to not do so even if it’s not the assessment you wanted.

I have a couple of friends who’s kids got flagged by nursery as having signs of autism and the parent denial was (understandably, as we just want things to be easy for our kids) so prominent that they took offence and blamed the nursery staff for getting things wrong and even pulled their kids out of that nursery. Roll on a decade or so later and their kids have autism assessments in place which was a battle to get and came so late that alot of damage had been done due to lack of support and understanding by some staff in main stream school.

Now I’m not saying your child has autism or not, my point being that I get that it’s really hard to hear that they are struggling in some areas but the sooner you can lean into that and take the emotion out of it the sooner you do your kid a favour I think. The issues may just sort themselves with a series of positive experiences and maturity or they may not but either way, work with the school not against them.

And give yourself a break too, you are right in saying that carrying on being a loving parent is what you should do x

My youngest was 'emerging' in everything at the end of his Reception year. Maybe I'm too thick-skinned but at no point did I regard that as a personal failing! He'd had a tough year adjusting to school, which is exactly what the Reception year is for. Quite the opposite of being 'pegged as a failure' the school has put more support in place - we've just finished year 1 and he has made huge progress.

Learning to deal with relationships outside the family is a very complex learning curve for many children.

Firstly it depends on the child’s own personality, are they shy, outgoing, confident in new situations, do they stand back and let others take the lead. This is often about confidence, and there is a lot you can do as a parent to boost a child’s confidence through praise, but also by acknowledging your child’s responses to new situations and challenges. “ I could see you were a bit worried about going up the big slide, but well done for getting up to the top. I bet it felt good to slide down so far. Wait til granny hears how adventurous you were.”

Some traits are almost hardwired in for some children ( and adults!) and it can be hard to see why, but looking at your own family situation for clues can sometimes help. Does your child have siblings, especially older siblings? Or older cousins or family children they are close too and see regularly. Learning to hold your place in a pack can give a child insights into how to relate to others, how to be a bit assertive, how to express their needs and their wants, how to deal with sharing, losing at games, learning to come back after disappointment or disagreement.

It can be harder for singletons, or for children who are the eldest because they don’t have role models to follow. For them the parental role is vital. How has your role as a parent been in terms of sometimes standing back and not intervening? We all want to protect our children from the big world, but at the same time we need to allow them the opportunity to learn to deal with situations that are unfamiliar, or even uncomfortable, by reassuring them, giving them the language to assert themselves, making suggestions for ways they can relate to others and by modelling responses. It’s really hard to do this without helicoptering, which is why sometimes involving a child in outside activities can help because they learn to listen to another trusted adult and pick up cues from them.

Yeah op you're massively over reacting. What did they sset for his targets for next year in this area?
No one thinks your kid is a failure, only you are using those words. So he still cries when it's not his turn or he loses and sometimes he struggles with his peers. He's 4. That doesn't mean everyone hates him or think he's awful, it just means he's growing.

Thank you. You’ve put my concern into words better than I did!

Realistically, I know it’s just a yardstick and it’s not personal and children all develop differently. I know that feeling sad about it is of no use whatsoever!

Lots of helpful replies on here - thank you!

To answer a few of the questions - DC is the eldest of three and his birthday is in June, so he’s on the younger side but not the youngest.

Before he started school, I had no real sense that he would run into problems. For the most part, he’s always been great with his siblings. He’s bright and articulate, plays nicely alone and with others, doesn’t have a problem generally with sharing or losing when we play at home. He is pretty confident and outgoing with his peers, but I have noticed that when he’s nervous or awkward he tends to become silly and clownish rather than going quiet. I think this coping mechanism fed into a difficult start to the year.

Even though he doesn’t seem under confident, I wonder if there’s a bit of a front that isn’t serving him well, especially in larger group settings. Working on confidence is a good idea.

His teacher hasn’t really given much of an idea of where we can try and improve things. She just said he has made good progress and almost met the standard. When I asked if he needed pastoral input or for any specific things to develop, she said no.

You’ve all reassured me a bit. I will try and relax and just continue to try and model good coping mechanisms and social skills, and expose him to a range of experiences.