Autistic son starting primary: familiar friend or stronger SEN support?

[Roseilee]

Hello,

my son is autistic and about to start primary school. We have a choice of a school that his best friend - who makes him feel very safe - is going to, and it’s one form entry so a bit smaller and less intimidating. Versus a school where I think the Sen provision is more positive and they have an amazing programme at break times called opal of structured play, which I think will be really good for him, as milling around a big playground is really tough.

I can’t decide on short term benefits of having a really good friend that will make the transition much easier, versus long term benefits of a better school overall.

would be grateful for any experience from parents with autistic kids, or autistic adults who had thoughts about this. His big challenges are social anxiety and need for rigidity and routine.

A solid SEN provision, 100%
Friendships will change.

I should say they are both good schools and I don’t think the Sen provision in the school where his friend is going is bad. Just a bit less good.

SEN support any day.

friendships change and it’s not healthy for either child for one to rely on the other.

Friendships change. Kids move on.

don’t decide a school based on friendships (for any child Sen or not)

Sen provision. My DD was her friends safe person. They actually ended up separating them as he could be quite unkind to her when he was struggling. I’m not saying your DC would so this but something to be aware of.

Good SEN provision is like gold dust.

Personally I would go for the SEN support, as a school with decent support is rare; one with sen support and inclusive play policies is even rarer.

On OPAL play: DD's school have implemented this and I have nothing but praise. The difference is amazing, and it is incredibly inclusive- there is always someone and something to play with/do and the play area isn't monopoloised by football to the extent that those who aren't interested are sidelined. The research into playtime (and also space at playtime) really supports the programme too.

As part of their approach to play, our school are also about to introduce an active uniform (eg joggers and tshirt, or shorts and tshirts)- again, brilliant for inclusion and inclusivity as it helps reduce se sensory issues, as well as allowing better play.

I honestly couldn't rave about it enough when it is implemented properly, as it is a game changer. This is one of those things that is genuinely great for everyone IMO, as long as it is well implemented and resourced (our PTA did a huge drive to help get the resources- not just fundraising from parents, but also grants, businesses etc)

SEN support.

It is likely thr best friend will make other friendships at school and be less available to be with your son.

The SEN support will.hopefully support your child through the various transitions at school and onto a reduced stress transition to secondary.

thank you - that’s so good to hear, I’d hoped that would be the case

Thank you all v much - it was the way I was leaning, so helpful to know a lot of advice and opinion in the same direction

Please do not make another child responsible for your child’s emotional wellbeing. It’s not fair on them

I wasn’t, just it’s obviously a lovely thing to have a good friend.

SEN help definetly. School could potentially use the friend a lot to calm child down, or your child could be overly dependent on friend so friend can't make other friends. SEN help will be better for everyone

My DS is high functioning autistic and is quite a chilled out guy tbf, my friends autistic child also goes to the same school and school used to take my friends child into my child's class amd let him sit next to my child to regulate himself.

I hated that they did that, it's not my child's job to calm down another child, that's the schools job. The other child then gets angry at my child for wanting to talk with other children ect. I'm friends with his mum and I had to speak to school and her ( as she was also putting pressure on my DS in a nice way )

They don't involve my DS anymore

SEN support, it's also really nice to have friends outside school. If he puts all his friendship eggs in his one basket, it will go wrong at some point, and possibly dramatically. Even if he's slower to make new friends at school, it will help his self esteem to have a good friend you make an effort to see outside school.

I agree with this. Friendships can get quite complicated at school with different groups wanting to do different things. It can be really positive to have a good 'outside school' friend who you can play with on your own terms without other things getting in the way.

Just to add, bigger schools are usually better for SEN children for , facilities and friendships.

I would say the exact opposite.
I have 3 Autistic children. 2 went to small primary schools and 1 went to a large primary school.
The 2 in the smaller school managed better.
But I moved all 3 into independent specialist schools by Yr2/3.

Absolutely go for the better SEN support , this will be invaluable. Friendships can change (quickly ) and indeed how fair would be on the friend to be seen as his support or he feels obliged to help your child when there may be other things he wants to do .