A bit cross about teacher telling me DS2 had hit another child today.

[Squirdle]

DS2 (aged 5) is soooooo placid and gentle and doesn't even hit his very annoying 3 yr old brother. However at school there is not a day that goes by without someone having hit him, pushed him, name called.

Today the teacher spoke to me saying DS2 had thrown his toy aeroplane at another child this morning and pushed him this afternoon.

Obviously I have said I would speak to DS about this, but I did say that it was very out of character for DS to do this. I also added that I was now worried that because DS has often been hit and pushed (mainly by the boy involved in the incidents today btw) he is now thinking that is what he needs to do.

So, after school I spoke to DS. It turns out that they were playing a game to see how far they could throw thier toys (they are allowed to take one very small toy to school) DS threw his and the other boy ran in front of him. An accident. The pushing incident was when lots of boys were play fighting (I'm not keen on this, but I am not at school) and said boy pushed DS, DS gently pushed back (as he thought it was a game) so boy shoved DS very hard knocking him to the ground.

Now, I accept these things go on in the playground and I am sure the teachers sort it out to the best of their ability, but I am really quite annoyed that my son who never hits and pushes has been in trouble today for what I see as an accident, but others who do it daily, deliberately get away with it. She spoke to me as she felt it was out of character for DS. Does she speak to every parent whose child hurts another every day? I know she doesn't!

I have a good mind to speak to her tomorrow and say that I think she was unfair yesterday and that if I were to go in every time someone hurt DS I would be practically living there.

I had to speak to the other teacher last week (job share) about my neighbours son (in the other reception class) as he has been pretty horrible to my son at school. They haven't spoken to my neighbour about it.

It just seems that the nice children like DS only get noticed if they do something wrong, but the naughty ones get away with it. And I'm fed up with it.

Ok rant over

I'm breathing

Yes the classes are moved around. For some reason Yr1 is being spread over 5 classes but that said it may be a good thing for DS. The boy in question is not the only one, there are quite a few boisterous boys in reception this year and I do think that yr 1 will probably settle them a bit.

I know it'll be a different story next year when DS3 starts school. He won't stand for any nonsense and while he doesn't hit/push whatever, he will stand up to anyone who does!

He'll probably be standing up for his brother

How would you feel if the teacher hadn't told you?

I think she's doing a good job by keeping you informed. She's telling she's noted it, dealt with it, she's knows your son's character well enough to say it's not his usual behaviour but she's also handing it over to you so that you can talk to ds about what happened, hear his version and equip him with what he should do if the child is unkind again.

YANBU to feel protective and a bit aggrieved. YABU to tell her she's being unfair.

You could, however, tell her you've discussed it with ds; he was reacting to XX; yes, you agree it is out of character and you've discussed with him that it isn't how to behave and also how to handle it if another child is rough/unkind i.e. he to say loudly "No XX don't push, it's not nice" and tell the teacher. That way you're telling her you agree with her, you're a parent who won't stand for any nonsense from your child but actually he was pretty innocent!

Yes Heated, unfair perhaps wasn't the right word to use. I do think she handled it correctly. She wasn't in the playground at the time, so she didn't actually witness it and therefore had to handle it in the way she did.

I was only going to do what you suggested. I'm not really the sort to go in all guns blazing and I did tell the teacher I would speak to DS about it. I may just go in and have a quiet word and say exactly what you have said

i wasnt saying you was a newcomer i meant new as in teachers complaining to you lol ......now I have experience of that lol

Windygales....actually you are probably right, I don't have any experience of teachers complaining to me! DS1 is 14 and always been fab at school...maybe I just produce perfect children

Both DS1 and 2 are wonderful at school, but believe me, they can play up at home sometimes...only sometimes, but it is there!

DS3 is absolutely wonderful at nursery too

Btw, I haven't spoken to the teacher about it as they had a supply teacher today (who is just like a grandma to them ) and he has his other teacher for the next 2 days. So no doubt I'll have forgotten all about it by Monday.