Bad experience at year 1 induction day

[El91]

My daughter recently had her year 1 induction day and it didn’t go well at all. She is now saying that she doesn’t want to go to big school anymore.

When I took her into the classroom they had a few activities set up, but it was just a few tables of different building blocks and a table of colouring in. She coloured in for a few minutes but then didn’t want to play with any of the building blocks as it’s just not something she is interested in. I tried doing it with her but she just kept saying she was bored and wanted to go somewhere else. We ended up just standing there with her clinging to my leg and not wanting to play. She was the only one there from her nursery so she didn’t know any of the other kids.

The teacher then asked all of the parents to go into to next room to get induction packs etc. and she had a complete meltdown and wouldn’t let me leave. It is completely out of character for her, she settled straight away at nursery and loves it, she goes to ballet and gymnastics too so is used to going places without me. She cried and cried and clung to me but I eventually just had to leave her with the teacher and go into the next room. When I went back in again after about 45 mins she seemed ok and had stopped crying but was so quiet for the rest of the day and wouldn’t talk about it at all or tell her dad about it.

She’s been so excited about going to big school and now she’s saying that she just wants to stay in nursery. I know I’m probably overreacting but I’m so upset about the whole situation and will be stressing the whole summer. I think it was just the fact that there was very little activities for her to do or play with. I think if she’d been distracted by something she was interested in she maybe would’ve been fine. At the open night there was so much more for them to do so I think she was expecting the same this time. She was the only child that cried as well which just makes me feel worse.

I don’t really know what I’m asking, just some reassurance or if anyone has had a similar experience 😭

Honestly OP the teacher will be used to this. Keep really positive when talking about it, how she is going to make lots of nice friends and have lots of fun.

If possible have dad do drop offs at the start. And if it has to be you, no faffing. Hug, cheerful goodbye, and LEAVE.

To be honest it wasn’t brilliantly planned by having parents in and then making you go outside.

You will have a different child by Christmas and you are already doing well by getting her to go places without you. This was just a wobble.

There's a risk that some posters tell you to home educate for the next 13 years on the back of this experience!

But I'd say every parent will have gone through a similar experience at some time. The trick is to be very supportive but at the same time absolutely cast iron firm with your daughter that this is going to happen.

You just have to have the resilience yourself to walk away and come back at pick up time and almost always child to child magic will happen in a few days.

Just to clarify OP, has she missed reception year at the same school, which is why the other children know each other already? If so, it’s understandable that the induction day would be challenging for her, but she’ll soon adapt.

My very placid, confident dc4 (that’s number 4, not age 4) started crying hysterically on her induction day. We never did find out what the problem was. She was absolutely fine when school started.

could be Scotland, they don't have reception and start at Primary 1 / P1.

Sorry you feel you have got off to a poor start, OP. I am a bit confused: are you talking about the start of Reception or Year 1, presuming you are in the UK?

I think the most important thing to DD is how you talk about school to her. Now is the time to make cheerful references to it. Have you any other settling in experiences scheduled? At our school they went in one afternoon each week for half a term.

I personally found leaving an upset child really difficult. I very much did all the things you need to do with a swift, cheerful exit and I knew she would be fine as soon as I was gone but I had to work quite hard with the cheerful element. It sounds like your DD was fine when you were in the other room so take heart from that.

My DH was much better at emotionally disengaging from any difficulty leaving DD. His middle one was a shocker and was still occasionally being peeled off his leg in Year 1. He is the most confide and sociable of the 3 of them now by far so don't look too far ahead. DD was fine at school but DH did a few preschool drop offs to save me the misery.

Might it be possible for you to spend a bit of time in the summer reframing your DD's assertion that she was 'bored' by her visit to school? This wasn't a word our kids ever used and I think she might benefit from explaining her feelings differently. For example, saying you feel a bit nervous gets a very different reaction from suggesting that an activity does not entertain you. School will provide entertainment but you get out of it what you put in, and it isn't solely arranged around making sure you get to do what you fancy.

In my experience, kids who do the best in school have the most similar behavioural expectations at school and at home. Does DD create her own fun or is she used to you or nursery keep her constantly entertained? I am in no way being critical but a bit of time over the summer where she is responsible for solving her own 'boredom' might be transformative and prepare her to fully engage with the elements of school life that instantly appeal, and the aspects, like the building blocks, that are not her first choice. You do get some choice during the school day but there is also an element of doing something to meet an expectation because everyone else is. The ability to do this with confidence is very helpful and anything you can do to foster this skill will serve her really well at school.

Good luck, OP. I bet she'll settle in brilliantly.

Hi, yes sorry I am in Northern Ireland so we don’t have reception. She is in nursery/preschool atm but these usually aren’t connected to primary schools so she is the only one in her preschool class going to this particular primary school x

I am in Northern Ireland so we don’t have reception. She is in nursery/preschool atm but these usually aren’t connected to primary schools so she is the only one in her preschool class going to this particular primary school x

If there was only a small table of colouring in and another with blocks, it suggests there was some outside play as well? I’m sure all the children weren’t sat at these two tables.

It’s understandable she’ll be shy to start with, it’s a new environment.

Keep summer positive and remind her of all the learning she’ll do, not so much play during lesson time, so she won’t have a chance to be bored.

She’s using the word bored as she doesn’t want to be there but doesn’t know what word to use. She will probably also say bored when there is something she doesn’t understand.

It sounds like this is your first child going off to school? I promise it will get easier for both of you, just hang in there.

I teach Reception in England, and I just wanted to reassure you that your daughter's reaction was completely normal and doesn't necessarily mean she'll struggle to settle in September (or whenever they start in Northern Ireland).

Even if she appeared to be the only one in this group of children who cried, the teachers will be well use to this reaction. Do they have any more settling in sessions, or a home visit at all? She just needs time to build relationships with staff and make new friends. Usually most children have settled absolutely fine within a week or two, even if they didn't know anyone else beforehand, and even if there were a few tears initially.

The fact she was ok when you returned is positive. They will have likely gathered the children once parents were out of the room for a group session with a story and singing, maybe even a snack. The fact she was ok when you returned is positive.

It does seem odd they didn't have much out for the children initially. Maybe they didn't want to overwhelm them with too much choice, but it has backfired if there wasn't enough out to interest everyone. Try to remind her of all the things you saw the previous time, to remind her they will do activities she does like at school too. If they have a home visit at all, that's a nice time to share her personal interests with the staff. I always ask the children what they would like to play with on the first day, and set the room up with at least one thing each child has requested (such as trains, playdough, puzzles, painting etc).

Hi, no outside play, just a table of colouring in, and 3 more tables of different variations of building blocks (stickle bricks etc.).
At the open day they had so much more (play doh, sand/water table, dress up etc.) so I think this is what she was expecting and was disappointed. Now the excitement of starting school isn’t there anymore as she didn’t have fun at the induction day.

Yes first child and I’m worried sick!

Are there any other school events you can get involved with before the end of term? School fete etc? Just to give you another chance to take DD to school and have a positive experience? May I gently ask if this is one of many worries or if this is unusual for you?