Reception child happy at school but not forming close friendships

[Cliffordthbigreddog]

Hi,

My son is in reception year at primary school and is doing well academically and really likes going to school.

I'm a little worried though, as he doesn't seem to have any close friends or friendship groups. I've spoken to the teacher and she said he's fine and he is drawn to activities he wants to take part in, rather than just following any particular child.

Is this normal or should I try and intervene in some way? I'm worried that he may become a loner.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be hugely welcomed

Thanks x

It was normal in my son’s case. He didn’t really have a best friend or group that he played with regularly. He tended to float around but was also happy just doing things by himself. He has a bit more of a friendship group these days (he’s in Year 2) but it still tends to be quite transitory.

This seems to be pretty normal (and common for boys).

Looking at DD's class (in y1) some friendships formed early and lasted, others didn't last, some took time to form, and others are still finding their feet.

DD is the other extreme- her group of 4 friends formed early in reception, and theyabre still fast friends all the way through y1!

Normal. And you find in reception mums chat and forge friendships and organise play dates. They then taper off when they start making their own pals.

Is forming close friendships really a thing for Reception aged children?

All part of the developing child. There are stages that all children go through, but not timescales.

Have a read of Piaget theories of child development, particularly the stage where children are egocentric and unable to see another POV.

Also parallel play, cooperative play etc.

It's quite normal.

Normal my son's case too. He had a really close friend at nursery then moved to school and was happy but said he had no friends. He didn't really make friends till year 2. Now year 3 has a lovely group of friends. I tried inviting people for play dates but think the main factor was time and him developing socially.

Perfectly normal.

Some dc are still at the 'playing alongside' stage.
Some dc just 'do friendship' in different ways. Plenty of people are 'friendly with people doing the same activity as them' throughout life, rather than 'I am best buddies with X regardless of what I want to do' type of thinking.

DS is still fairly like this in year 2. The game is the most important thing, and he'll happily play with whichever child wants to play the same thing. In Reception, the children he classed as his closest friends didn't necessarily seem to be the ones he played with most and the names he mentions change every few weeks.

I was wondering that

Totally normal! I teach Reception, and it's very normal for children to still be guided by their own wants and needs at this age, rather than following the lead of another. I'd go as far to say it's healthy. The 'best friend' disagreements can be a nightmare for teachers and parents alike to deal with. The utter heartbreak a child feels when their so called best friend decides to play with someone else. That tends to kick in more from KS1 onwards though.

In my experience, when children have a 'best friend' in Reception, it's often guided by the parents anyway. Parents instigating playdates out of school etc. Parents who are good friends themselves, hanging out together away from school thus ensuring their children do the same. If children this age do report having a 'best friend', you'll usually find the identity of this person changes from week to week.

Most children this age are happy to play with anyone and long may that continue. It's perfectly healthy and normal.

So normal ! My older child made closer friendships around year 2/3 and my second child was still feeling his way in year 2 but still plenty of children to play with. Both boys

In YR they haven’t really worked out who is like them. They cooperate with other dc but haven’t worked out what they have in common. In the next couple of years, they will decide if they like sport, music, riding a bike or anything else! They start to chat with like minded dc and make friends. You can get him to nominate dc he’d like to invite round to play/tea. Often friendships are arranged by parents!

Believe me this is good for your ds!

Mine had a new best friend within the first 6 weeks of being in reception. This best friend was controlling of who played with my dc and my dc stopped attempting play with others because’friend’ didn’t want anyone else in their couple. This caused all sorts of issues in year 1 and 2 when teachers separated them for group work (teachers saw a red flag in year 1 so tried to intervene where possible).
In year 3 my dc had enough and began to play with others and the ‘friend’ was unbearable with their response to the point parents were called in- it seems my dc was actually containing the ‘friend’.

Now it’s actually quite sad as the friend doesn’t have any real close friends as after my dc there were another 2 friends there were bigger issues with. This seems to have carried on through to secondary (small village everyone knows everyone)

I often wonder how things would have been if that friendship hadn’t have been so intense in reception.

Younger dc has been how your ds sounds and I’m much happier with this!

Well most dc don’t need a dependent dc controlling them. There are dc who simply are not experienced enough in life to find the right group of friends and having one seems easy. It’s us parents who start to notice the relationship is one sided. Definitely invite a variety of dc round to play. See if other parents have pleasant dc but there will be parent organised cliques that are exclusive. Often dc and parents have known each other at nursery etc and they aren’t looking for joiners. Give it a bit on time and there will be dc he talks about.

Reception age children don’t generally have ‘close friendships’.

Tends to be the mums helping to form the close friendships in reception I found.

my DS has settled within a group in year 2 and now has someone he classes as a best friend.
there was no mention of him prior to this school year.

Some do at this age. Some children it’s driven by parents but others just click and spend their time together. Lots of children play with a range of children and follow what they want to do as well but pairs and groups forming at this age isn’t unusual.

Agree with this. There's a massive spectrum.

DD (oldest in year) made 3 close friends in the first week of reception and has stuck with them ever since. They are nearly finished y1.

It’s quite normal for them to not form friendships groups until a little older.

they are often still playing alongside rather than with

or handing out with the kids that their parents organise for them.

don’t worry about it