4 year old “not as good as other children”

[lemontree27]

I would really appreciate some advice from other parents.
My daughter is in Reception and recently I’ve started worrying that she might be a bit behind with reading and maths compared to some of the other children in her class (feedback from her teacher)
At home she seems very bright. She speaks beautifully, has a very wide vocabulary for her age and is incredibly curious about everything – she’s always asking questions and people often comment on how well she talks.
However, at school she is very shy and lacks confidence. Her teacher mentioned that when she is asked questions she sometimes just guesses rather than taking the time to think about the answer.
What upset me the most is that she came home recently saying that she’s “not as good as the other children.” That really broke my heart because I don’t want her to start feeling that way about herself so young.
I’m not sure if this is just a confidence/shyness issue or if she genuinely might be struggling a bit with early reading and maths.
Has anyone else experienced something similar with their child in Reception?

Sorry to hear your daughter is experiencing low self-esteem at such a young age. It's hard to know how to advise, re academics, without knowing her exact abilities. Was the teacher able to enlighten you on exactly what she's struggling with? Were they able to tell you what they're doing to support her, and what you can do to help at home?

You can Google the Early Learning Goals to see exactly what she needs to do in each area of learning by the end of the year to be considered 'expected'. Do you feel she's on track for most of these, or does she seem a fair way off in reading and maths? Comparisons with peers is never helpful, as all classes/schools are different. I hope the teacher was speaking to you generally in terms of her abilities (as in, against the Early Learning Goals), rather than comparing her to her peers. A child can still be 'behind most of their peers' but still achieve the Early Learning Goals, if they happen to be in a high attaining cohort. There's nothing wrong with that. What you need to know is, is she is on track to achieve the Early Learning Goals or not? How she compares to her peers is neither here nor there in the grand scheme of things.

In reception I would look more at progress overall, if that is steady then even if she is behind, it's likely it's all going to click into place.
I work in year 1 and the jumps we see from some of the children are amazing! They just weren't ready last year, but now they are and the gaps are closing rapidly.
Of course there are some children that do remain below expected levels, but as your child has the vocabulary and curiosity you describe I think it is unlikely that will be the case.

Mine was shy and got a bit overlooked in reception. She didn’t take to writing particularly. I think she preferred year 1 where they had a place at a table that was theirs and it was a bit less chaotic. Her reading took off in year 1. Just keep reading five or ten minutes a day with her with a story at bedtime. Play some games with a maths element. If she’s speaking well and enjoying finding things out, she’s more than likely fine. Just needs a bit of reassurance.

She’s 4… 4 years old.

I’d be more worried about about what she has learned rather than hasn’t.

Sounds like this is not the learning environment for her. Either speak with the teacher and school to see if something can be resolved. Is she often shy in social situations or is this just in school,?

I’m a reception teacher…

1. Please do not worry about her being ‘behind’ in reading and maths - she’s still very, very young! Lots of children in reception are just learning to blend, and you can support her with that at home by reading books appropriate for her current level if you wish (reading anything and building a love for books is wonderful!)

2. It is the teacher’s role to entice answers out of children who are reluctant to answer. Guessing or saying ‘I don’t know’ is very common, but a good teacher will have effective ways to check and develop children’s understanding.

At this age, just focus on building your daughter’s confidence, resilience and independence 🙂 the academics will progress alongside.

What makes you think she's behind? Have they shared progress with you at parents evening? For us it looks like a number and colour for each area of learning.

My daughter is similar to how you describe your daughter (home Vs school etc), and the only areas below expectations are the social and communication side, which are at 2/yellow. She has an Individual Support Plan (ISP) in place and while she has stayed at 2, her confidence has grown and she has made progress on those areas over the last term. It might be worth bringing that up with the school (and if you suspect neuro divergence then include that in the conversation).

If she is still 4 then she’s in the younger end of reception and I think this should be considered until at least the end of year 1. Talk to teacher about the version you have at home at discuss ways she can see that version and build confidence eg small groups etc.

DS was “behind” in reading when he started Reception, because some kids couldn’t read at all and some were reading chapter books. He was working at greater depth in all areas by the end of Y1. You really really cannot judge how academic a child is with any accuracy aged 4.

My DS (July born) was behind until this year (y3). He's now totally caught up to where he should be. He did hate it because for the first 2 terms of year 2 he had to join the year 1s for reading. I just told him to keep working hard and doing his best, and not everyone can be the best at everything. I reminded him that he was good at other things like sport etc, that other children maybe weren't so good at. I also made sure he knew that having to go with the year below didn't make him a worse person than anyone else

Reasure her and don't worry too much about it...

But also, don't leave her education completely in the schools hands. Increase your help for her at home in the areas that you think she is finding hard, and make sure you are really aware of her level of ability and are an active part of her learning.

Then you will know exactly whether she is capable but just reluctant to answer and do it in the classroom, of doesn't understand. Both are fine but need different kids of support from you. I.e. building her confidence vs building her ability.