Considering changing school for friendships

[Catherine468]

My daughter is in year 5, aged 9. She’s been in this class with these classmates for several years but doesn’t have a reliable friendship group. She’s the odd man out in a group of three, the other two often whispering to each other and telling her if and when and how she can play.
im wondering if it would be totally mad and unreadonable to consider moving her to another local school, primarily for reasons of friendship. Our school is average and the ones around are similar.
it feels risky and could go either way I guess, she could be the new kid in a class of established friendships who can’t break in, or she might find some better friends.
Aibu to consider it?

yanbu to consider it because seeing them unhappy breaks your heart, but honestly, i wouldn't move her in year 5.

year 5/6 girls are notoriously dreadful. that trio dynamic is always toxic and someone is always left crying. but if you move her now, she’s going to be the "new girl" trying to break into friendship groups that have been cemented since reception. that could be even lonelier for her.

plus, she only has just over a year left before secondary school anyway where the whole pack gets shuffled again and she will meet loads of new people.

could you maybe try getting her into a new club completely outside of school? brownies, drama, swimming? just so she has a separate group of friends that have nothing to do with the school politics. it really helped mine when the playground drama got too much. hang in there!

Yes I think this is the conclusion im
coming to, roll on high school

The current friendship group doens't soundnice, but how does your daughter feel about her friendship at ther current school and the prospect of moving to a new schoool? When moving school is out of choice rather than necessasity, I find it's better to include the child. I have heard good stories when chidlren being moved in year 5 and doing much better in new school but that' partly becuase the old school was giving them trouble. Equally, it's important to note grass isn't always greener on the other side.

Sorry I know I am not exactly being helpful but there are more to think than just "escape" the current friendship.

Is it possible for you to help her by inviting some kids who aren't her usual freinds to have playdates or some form of social outside school, so she might build new friendship in the current school?

It’s horrible isn’t it? We did move DD at the end of yr5 for various reasons, toxic friendships that had tipped over into bullying (that the school refused to sort out) being one.
I’m not sure we’d have moved her without that factor however, I’d probably have tried to wait for the natural reshuffle that comes in yr7. She’s now thriving 😊
We moved her to the school where two of her best friends from her hobby go to, rather than somewhere she doesn’t know anyone and it’s unlikely that she’ll end up at high school with any of the bullies