Need help with how to manage this

[Ireolu]

Primary school DC came home today floods of tears. Had clearly been holding it in then burst out crying with DH as soon as they was through the door. Took long period to calm.

Teacher told them off this afternoon for being mean to another child.

DC said something along the lines of "I don't care about what you are saying" that's all teacher heard and she told DC off saying not to be mean to the other child.

What the teacher heard was the response to said child calling my child a 'weirdo' and getting in DC's face with 'whatever, whatever, whatever'

DC feels teacher was unjust as they shd both have been told off for speaking to each other unkindly but DC bore the brunt of the telling off. They think teacher shd have asked what was going on, before just deciding DC was in the wrong.

DC and this other child don't get on. They have had issues for years. We actively encourage them to stay away from this child. This teacher is aware of this. Worthwhile speaking to the teacher about? How to approach it? First time DC has ever been told off so much cried at home. DH is annoyed. Thinks badly managed. Thoughts please! And thank you.

I'd sympathise with DC that it was frustrating and upsetting that the teacher didn't listen properly, and then move on with all your lives.

Thank you I think this is a reasonable approach.

I think also that the tears were more a sign of the bullying. I would speak to school about that and say DC was very upset about incident on Friday. Just say you are concerned about DC and unkindness being shown 'behind the scenes' which provokes DC. I would also speak to DC about speaking up more. Should've said, "But Miss I said that because he called me a weirdo."

Thank you. DC is just fed up of it and tries managing by being assertive, then gets told off. Approaching it from this perspective is not a bad idea.

DC tries to tell but is sometimes met with maybe the behaviour was unintentional/accidental (scratching and pushing) or no comment as we didn't see the behaviour, so telling the teacher feels pointless in their young mind. Will have a word re the behaviour again.

Not a big deal and I'm not really sure there would be anything to talk to the teacher about.

Encourage your child to do the right thing next time, which is to put up her hand and tell an adult about the other child at the time it happens. In responding she has put herself in the wrong and was the one caught talking in class.

How old is DC? (5 quite different to 10)

In response to pp above, imo stating "I don't care what you think" is an entirely appropriate response to someone calling you a weirdo

In my year 3 class there is a lot of tell tale, winding each other up, she told me to do this etc… and most of the time the one getting caught out is the one who claims they didn’t start it. My response is usually along the lines of “Was it the right thing for you to do it?” Or, “I don’t care who started it, I care who was sensible enough to not carry it on” I have a very immature and fussy class, who just love getting each other into trouble. I remind them daily they have to be responsible for their own actions and while sometimes people may try to get them to make bad choices, they are responsible for the choices they make themselves.

Kids are 9. I think that DC was OK in response to what was said to them. I know though DC can be loud and their tone when managing this person would just be exasperated. They are currently shouting in the hallway "it's half term oooo yeaaahh!" so I know they will be fine.