Will you move your DS to a secondary where he will know NO-ONE?

[teslagirl]

It's what we are thinking of doing. I'm very happy with his juniors- he's at the end of Y4 now, though I have to say, the 2 good years we've had have been mixed Y3/4, same group of eight Y4s, whereas the school are trying to make pure Y5 classes in Sept and I actually don't like a lot of my DSs Y4 boy-peer group (they're ones who haven't been in DSs class for 2 years, now)! They're the junior versions of the type of young teenagers you see hanging around outside the co-op, shouting obscenities, smoking and generally being intimidating... already, outside school it's f this and c that, from time to time (and this is a supposedly 'nice' little market town!).

He has some good mates at the school but I have to say that one is a girl and that friendship is on the wane and the others- well, apart from one, the boys by and large don't come from academically aspirational families. They'll be OK as they'll all join the same building firms their dads work for. I have absolutely no problem with this except I know this isn't where my DSs are heading, or, more to the point, if they do become hod-carriers or storemen, I want it be be their choice not the result of there being 'no choice'.

I actually daren't mention this to any of the boys mums as I know they'll think I'm up myself (AM I?!). DS2, on the other hand, his peer group are far more 'middle class' and we already discuss the merits of this secondary against that- the DCs are 7!

Trouble is, DS1 is quite shy and a bit introverted. I'm less concerned about pulling him away from his mates (esp as with some spectacular relationship breakdowns amongst the parents, several of the DCs will be scattered to the winds, educationally when mum goes to live with whoever is currently 'uncle') but I do worry that he will (hopefully) be going to a secondary with loads of DCs who have known each other since they were 4. IS this a legitimate issue? Also, these DCs will, to a certain extent come from appreciably wealthier families than ours (we're talking Winchester, here!) many of whom will own 5 bedroom homes IN Winch, whereas we rent 8 miles away and may have to be quite proactive in getting DS IN to the school(s) concerned.

I'm beginning the trawl around the five schools (2 are local and are just being visited in the interest of a fair comparison) next month as IF we do decide to go for a school with a strict catchment, we need to be in catchment 15 months hence.

What do you think?

Loads of 9 year olds swear to their mates. Are lots of people doubting this?

lol @ 'I daren't m ention this to any of the boys' mums'.

I dare say a lot do-I would still prefer to avoid them!

actually i posted about a child starting at a new school with no peers.
didn't realise i was supposed to be commenting on/judging why someone would move their child.
My son moved because he hated his old school and we had moved home.
His new house is 200 meters away and riven is right - local is fab.
many of his earliest friendships were boys dropping in after school on the way home

DD went to a school where she knew no one, it was her choice. But, something that her father and I totally agreed with her, it was the best thing that has happened to her.

There's nothing you can do to make sure you avoid children who swear.

I agree with that one pointydog, I heard boys who go to a very good school (fee paying)talking as I walked past and was appalled by their language and general attitude.

A fresh start, is a good idea imo, a chance to achieve any thing you want to achieve.

I think it's easy to have unrealistic expectations of 'a fresh start'

I'm with Riven - I don't think the problem will be making new friends, I think the distance is likely to be more of an issue. I was in the same boat - the local school was full, so anyone without family connections to it got shipped off to the next town 10 miles away. I definitely struggled socially there for a long time - not being able to do the informal hanging out in the park that was the main early teenage socialising was a big thing. It got better as I got older, but even by the 6th form my gang consisted of 6 of us from outlying villages, plus two girls from town who for various reasons were never able to go out at night.

My DS1 has done this four time now - twice in England and twice in Australia. He made friends easily every time and although the last move was met with "I'm not moving AGAIN" he had only been in the other school for 7 weeks and we were all convinced it was the right thing to do educationally. If you can have local friends that's great, DS1 currently gets the school bus as do most of the kids who go to that school which means that meeting up with his mates is for weekends but that's fine - mid-week is for school, sport and homework You need to choose the school that will provide the best possible education for your child (however you might choose to define that) which is what you are trying to do.

teslagirl you are funny. If I had found your 'aspiration' offensive, I'd have said.

I didn't. I found it amusing.

DS1 was the only boy from his primary school to go to the senior school he now attends.

He's got lots of lovely friends and has flourished there.

Teslagirl I also live in winchester. I think the academic sucess of the school should be the greatest concideration. From what i've heard alot of the schools have fairly mixed intakes due to shortages in places for the top schools. I'm sure your DS will make friends, especially if he meets other children with similar abilities and academic attitudes.

Message withdrawn

All the kids from my DCs prep school go their seperate ways at 13. The parents all have such different ideas about what to do next - day schools, boarding, single sex, co-ed, back to the state system.
I've never heard that it was a problem.
As for your aspirations, I say good on ya. I was brought up on a sink estate and it was bloody hard not to join in with my peers. I was the only one who wanted to go to Uni and get a decent job snd it was hard to stand out.
Glad I did now but it would have been easier to hang out with like minded kids.

Hi bloss welcome to Winchester, my friend lives off St Cross Road. I'm not sure how you can get your name on the school lists, they often have children dropping out. Winchester has a good website though with lots of useful names and addresses etc. on it, hope it helps.
winchester

sorry winchester

Hey Bloss, thought you were long gone! Have you been in touch with the LEA? - I thought they had to offer you SOMETHING, even if it's not what you ideally want. It's a bit of a pain that you'll be arriving in the Summer holidays though; bit different from the Sydney "move in, show up" system! Give me a bell if you have time for coffee before you go.

Bloss, I'm not sure but I think where you'll be living is in the Kings (secondary) catchment which is a good thing. How old are your DCs? Write to all the schools you favour asking to be put on their waiting lists- you may need to call them sporadically to make sure they know you're still keen. It's surprising how a place suddenly becomes available. IF there's nothing suitable, think about some of the surrounding village primaries, too. Educationally, apart from a couple of primaries in the middle of council estates (and even those are 'OK' by UK standards!) you can't go too far wrong anywhere in or around Winchester.

And can I use your address to get my DS into Kings, please? Only joking, MN police!

Good luck with the move. We did it 4 years ago, Oz to the UK!