Ds has an unhealthy obsession with an unsuitable friend

[harman]

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very difficult one - how old are they?

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well at the very least you could ask that the school steps in to stop the play fighting as it is injuring your son. (but no mention of you while they're doing it, obv). apart from that... any other mothers who look nice at the school gates?

It's very hard to stop such an intense friendship. Also, don't be sure that this boy calls all the shots-there may be another element to their friendship that you are not seeing.
Aren't you glad he has a best friend now?
What is so horrible about this boy?

There's no harm in tactfully voicing your concerns to the teacher - she will see the whole picture in school.

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not much of a friend if he's getting him into trouble then - definitely have a word with the teacher.

Sorry, Harman, but he is just a child, like your son.
You boy obvioulsy finds something in him that he relates to. This boy may have a sensitive side too, for example.
Also, don't judge him by his parents, or assume he is the most unpopular boy in the class.
Your son or his friend may well move on naturally.
Sorry if this sounds rude but I think you are worrying about image too much

or maybe just worrying about her boy, thinking that he's vulnerable given what he's been through? i think just asking the teach what she thinks is a good place to start.

I think talk to his teacher, who may agree with you and come up with strategies to involve your ds with other kids. Also, without banning the other kid, ask others for tea etc via the mums.

I am interested in Harman's pov

I would talk to the teacher and find out what they are like in the classroom. If she thinks the friendship is a bit unhealthy she could encourage working with other children.

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Seriously, talk to the teacher and gently encourage other friendships. Also big up your son to himself.

god how difficult for you

I think the advice to have a gentle talk with teacher is spot on

I think it would be impossible for you to end this relationship, and probably unhealthy as it should possibly run its own course

maybe you could try to foster other relationships through playdates, out of school activities

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I think it's very hard, Harman, when you see something you don't like about yourself in your children.
Honestly, from experience, I would try to wait it out for now.
You never know what's round the corner friendship wise.
I would try to arrange a playdate with another boy, but just keep a quiet eye on this friendship and obviously act if you witness/ hear about anything untoward.

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i think the vast majority of posters don't think you're making a fuss, harman. you're not the fuss type, imo.

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otoh, harman, he's made a friend. that is goiing to help his confidence after what happened before, surely? where you might be able to help him is in expanding that social circle...

maybe it's like the first days of uni, where you make such powerful friendships that you'll swear undying love and then can't wait to ditch them by christmas?

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Good luck, Harman. I bet he's tougher than you think. They usually are!