Is it bad if I move my children schools for current area knowingly we might potentially move again by secondary?! Please help!

[Wilis]

We have just moved and have a year 3 child and nursery child. We’ve brought our first home and wanted Essex over London for their future however am slightly worried that although ok for now we won’t be here long term so my issue is. Do I swap the schools, do the big move -giving ourselves 3 years to see how we feel / potential of finding the next area we could see more long term or keep our schools in our old area and do the hour long school runs!? I’m gutted we can’t do one move that theyl gain friends for potential secondary and it all just be perfect but just cant get past this area not feeling long term and struggling that this is where we are at. So don’t know if it’s best to avoid her having to be the new kid at a school and then come year 7 whole new area and school again?! Mum guilt really bad please help!

I don’t know the answer but practically a long commute
they would keep the friends during the school day but how practical would anything else be? Playing after school, birthday parties? And school stuff like the school play?

I think an hour long school run is a lot and if you are going from home to school that is 4 hours of your day. If one child does an after school club then are you going to have to kill time or use wrap around care for the other one? Considering that alone I would move them to a new school in your current area. Better to have local friends who they can potentially walk to school with, birthday parties etc.

You will need to have chosen a new area and successfully moved house probably before they hit year 6 otherwise it is going to be tight. I would say you have 2 years. You don't need the extra stress of racing against an application deadline and trying to complete on a house.

Lots of children move around schools it is why places open up for in year moves. Secondary is different to primary. A lot of children want to break out of the small friendship groups they have had since primary. There are a lot of new and interesting people to talk to and hang out with. The vast majority of year 7s make friends. For those coming from non-feeder schools (like both my children) there are extra transition days to firstly show they are not alone, plus they will have some familiar faces when they start. Plus the usual transition day with their new form in July of year 6.

This is me basically saying year 7 staff are aware of clusters from primary, my children's secondary had a team building day where they deliberately separate all the primary groups to mix it up and allow them the opportunity to make new friends.

Yeah this is exactly my reasons why I don’t like this idea. As going back to London wouldn’t be an option home wise would it make most sense to do the change, they hopefully make some friends and even if that means changing again for secondary hopefully keeping friends close by still.. also perhaps the confidence of being the new kid once and knowing how to make friends for that potential second time as regardless of moving areas not every child goes to secondary with their friends anyway?!

Thank you for this. Our current house is only a 2yr mortgage anyway and it was on the smaller size so even though we didn’t intend for the exact 2 yrs we did say that was an option, plus 2 years puts her year 5 so really close but could work out. I think if I’m still feeling this areas a no I’d do my best to really find the next area I just think it’s all really overwhelming and you never really know somewhere until you live there I’d just like to feel settled somewhere for her secondary years but the guilt shel
look back on 2 different primary schools in 2 different areas and then secondary (IF) we have moved and if that’s even for the best.

Absolutely move them unless you expect to move again within 2 years or you can't get a place at a local school that is remotely satisfactory. In the latter situation I would still move them closer as soon as you can get a place.

An hour commute is going to affect friendship development more than moving schools once more years from now - having local school friends to play with and share extra-curriculars with is important. It will also impact family life, their non-school activities, and parent resources.

Friendships are fluid during childhood and while frequent moves and disruptions can be harmful, it doesn't make sense to go to these extremes to avoid a move years down the road. Remember that from a young child's perspective 2-3 years is an eternity.

And remember that if you choose to move again close to when your older DD finishes primary you could always choose to do a long drive for a short period then and then move her at the start of secondary. I would rather commit to a 1-hr commute with a 10 year-old for a few months or a year knowing when the endpoint is than do it indefinitely with two younger children.

I moved schools a few times in the primary years and it was fine. Children are often more resilient than you would think. Lots of children came and went from my daughter's primary and the ones who arrived always seemed to settle in and make friends. I presume it was the same for the ones who left!

I think the other thing to bear in mind is that plans change and plot twists happen. My life has taken several swerves Dh and I didn't see coming or plan for. We settle for the what is best for now scenario and don't beat ourselves up for changes that happen.

2 schools is really nothing, children adapt better than you think. You make the choices you make with the information you have at the time. You can also port a mortgage so maybe look into a mortgage you can port when your 2 year is coming to an end.

Yeah exactly. I suffer with anxiety and so change is hard so I don’t know why i suddenly feel so trapped when we did just orginally see it as our first step obviously no1 can say where they will live or what will happen in life but it’s all the unknown, emotions and worries I’m putting into my head when they haven’t even happened yet. If I think for now I can see a way to make it work but it’s thinking long term that makes me just wanna completely stay where I am and not commit at all to the move which isn’t even possible as we’d be living with parents and no space and the kids are keen for the change. It’s just upsetting and I feel worried if we’re making a mistake.

Yeah I keep telling myself this. She’s been at her current school for almost 4 years and is happy enough to do a move now so maybe she will feel the same if this area didn’t work out. It’s just the guilt I will feel I think that we never sort of just had it sorted for their sake.

We moved a lot when I was a kid - three primaries and three secondaries! I came out of it just fine - I still adapt to new environments very easily. My parents never seemed to feel any guilt over it and you shouldn't either - two schools is nothing tbh.

I think that’s the problem I’m just currently in a panic of worrying we’ve messed up and I’m not gonna wanna stay in this area long term

It is hard to know if you are making the right decisions all the time. You just have to acknowledge that you did the best you could with the information you had at the time.

You may feel very different in 2 years time to what you project you might feel. Just sit in the now and don't look too far ahead. We bought a really lovely house and a few years later Dh went for a job in a completely new area. Sowe relocated and started again. For that move I left another job, another set of friends and started over. We have moved again since then. This is our 5th house in 25 years.

Worrying makes you a good Mum, a shit Mum wouldn't care so much. I'll be honest and say most of the time everyone is just winging it.

Thank you so much. Honestly does help so much knowing it’s common. I just think I’m struggling going from London - Essex, Thinking of swapping schools, il then be having to leave my job for a new and I know all these factors are perfect in gaining acquaintances and the kids making plenty friends I’m guess I’m just sad of what’s changing and terrified of the unknown but that is part of adult life isn’t it and yeah you’re right I think aslong as we always consider our children in our steps that’s all that really does matter.

I do think this is a probably a moving from London thing that is really common. I have read it on here loads plus have friends inside the M25 who have considered leaving and having a longer commute in if they retain their central London jobs.

Primary school is the only place you will meet other parents. Once they are in secondary there is no playground collection or assemblies, sports days, school fayres etc which is why I suggested moving the children now to the new school. It is easier to make connections, arrange playdates etc and have a support network if one of your children is ill there is hopefully another parent who can swing by your house to walk your other child in.

I understand.

When I said go ahead and move them unless you expect to move again within two years I mean move them unless you positively plan to move again within two years. If you're not sure either way then treat this current location as long term - move them to local schools and actively work to settle everyone in in the new place and join the nearby community.

Yeah I feel my anxiety is high and I’m overall going through the emotions because of the overall change when I admittedly haven’t given the area itself a chance and I do still stand by the fact I can see my kids in primary school there, although the area itself doesn’t have tons there it isn’t as isolated as I’m telling myself and although I need to settle there for now I don’t have to feel like I’m stuck now. Just big steps. I think it’s also getting used to the fact that places outside of London are all like this.. a lot of people drive everywhere for things they want in Essex as say having to stay within their high street? Like seeing an outdated shop triggered me but I didn’t obsess over the shops where I lived in London that I didn’t like and would never use. It’s just different.

Thanks for this! Very reassuring. I did think that maybe it makes a child way easier to adapt and make friends. And I have been wondering if I’m putting far too much on my children’s school situations when really I don’t even talk to anyone from my secondary school past the odd Facebook post. Life is so much bigger than just schools but i just want to make sure our choices don’t hinder them.