letter about attendance

[TryingMyBestAgain89]

hi… i’m a bit shaken so sorry if this doesn’t make sense.

i got a letter from the school this afternoon saying ds4’s attendance is “a concern” and ds3’s is “dropping” too. it says they might have to “take further action” if it doesn’t improve. i just sat at the table and cried.

i know it looks bad. i’m 34 weeks pregnant now and some mornings i honestly can’t move properly. my hips are horrible and i barely sleep. the last couple of weeks i’ve had days where i physically couldn’t get out the door with them both at once. ds4 still cries at drop off and it takes ages. ds3 freezes when he’s anxious. i’m doing my best but i’m so tired.

i haven’t kept them off for fun. i’ve always called in. but i guess it doesn’t matter because now i’ve got this letter making me feel like i’m failing them.

i don’t have anyone to help in the mornings. their dads aren’t involved. my partner isn’t around much. i’m trying to keep on top of everything but i feel like i’m drowning a bit.

has anyone else had one of these letters? are they going to fine me? i’m honestly not being lazy, i just feel like my body is giving up on me and i’m trying to look after three other kids as well.

i know people will judge but i’m really trying. i just want to know if this means i’m in proper trouble now.

I remember your previous threads too OP. Your situation is the sort that attendance officers should be there for. Your situation is not the norm, those that recieve these letters usually have DC that have been ill or have taken their DC on holiday. You clearly need support. I would advise reaching out to Early Help if the school hasn't already put you in contact with them.

This is a mess OP. You really need to get a grip and get your kids to school. This will only get worse when you have another baby. Speak to the school, take some responsibility for your life.

It really doesn't matter if you call in, you still get an unauthorised absence every time you keep them off. You get a letter, then a fine (and I think another fine) before they will take you to court if it carries on.

Really, this is on you OP. I completely understand you are struggling BUT you have a responsibility to get your children to school. If you are suffering in pregnancy, you should have a back up plan or two in getting them there. Engage with the school if you need help (some school would have a bus provision to help some other means). rather than saying you just can't youo need to be finding solutions to help your children to get to school

This sounds like a very chaotic home environment. Please get help from school and/or social services.

Honestly yes it's likely you will face social services involvement if things dont improve .

You need to get them to school, that’s your responsibility in supporting them to reach their full potential

Year 6 child cannot be missing school, won't he have SATS this year?

I appreciate that you are stiff and sore, can you get up earlier? Is the unborn child your current partner's?

i agree and if no dads involved why add another one!

How will you manage with a baby in the mix? You need to ask for help.

Oh god is this the same poster?!

This is a bit of a silly question, isn't it? Loads of 10yos can't get themselves to school. When DS is 10, unless we move house, he'd either have to get a bus that gets him there 45 minutes early and wait outside the gate for that time, or walk for just under an hour along rural roads with no pavement or street lighting. Obviously many 10yos rely on their parents to drive them to school!

(Edited to add: not that this excuses the OP not taking her kids to school.)

So you've already got 4 kids, can't manage to get them to school, no dads on the scene and about to have another baby.

Great stuff.

if your child has ASD then you likely have it as well op. This possibly means you make impulsive decisions without thinking through consequences. Such as getting pregnant again. It’s no help to you now I know, but you need to recognise that keeping adding children to this absolute mess is NEVER going to be a good idea.

This really. I appreciate that it's tough right now but you are failing your children and I can't see how thats likely to change for the better without external support.

And for the love of God please sort some failsafe contraception out once baby is here. For all your sakes.

I got one of those letters recently because my 12 year old has had a lot of hospital appointments and an operation. On my letter it had a number to ring if you need support to improve your child's attendance. You need to ring the number if you have one. Also you need to talk to your midwife and say that the pain is so ad you can't get your children to school. I find with pregnancy symptoms you are expected to get on with it for the most part but if it's affecting your other childrens education then they will help you.

Bless you it must be so incredibly difficult. I'm so sorry you are going through this and I pray that somehow it works out for you. Can you get taxi's for now? Can your partner or the fathers support at all? :/ it sounds very hard x

I agree with others, reach out and get support ask school and work with them not against.

This sort of environment will have a massive knock on on the children, they need stability and consistency. Getting them into school on time every day needs to become a top priority. If they are having sporadic attendance then it will make it harder for them when they are in.

I have cancer and on chemo. Some days I’m like a zombie but I blimin well get my daughter to school! Some days I’ve worn pads incase I 💩 myself or am sick!

Obviously people will judge, I feel judgy about people having more children when they can't manage the ones they have, will a multiple useless men.

I also don't understand how having them at home all day with nothing to do makes it easier. Surely it would make your day better to drop them at school then go back to bed.

Sorry op but I can only echo everyone else, you need to be taking proactive steps so the situation can change. Talk to the school, social services, early help.

I have a y6 who is very anxious and doesn’t like school but I’m afraid I make him go in every day because keeping him off would just exacerbate his anxiety when he does go back.

Is your new baby going to be your 5th child? Did you get your kids to school on time before the pregnancy?

Ask the multiple dads to help get their children to school.

With you included you all only need to do a day each!