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How to explain moving children out of village school to our neighbours?

8 replies

OneDayIWillLearn · 02/12/2025 09:05

We moved to a new area about a year ago and the children started in the nearest village school, which is also where all our neighbours children go. It’s a small community where you bump into people all the time.

The children have been not been very happy at the local school though, pretty much since the start . It’s a pretty small school (only 3 other boys in my son’s year for example). The school never seemed to make much of an effort to integrate them as newcomers, among quite well established cliques, and haven’t handled bullying at all well, or to be honest the basics like regularly sending reading books home. Both my children have been physically hurt at playtime more than once, sometimes by bullying, sometimes just by physically ‘rough’ games and poor supervision - not their normal style of play and my son in particular hates it (unsurprisingly!). I know of two other parents who have had to take their children to A and E after they were injured at playtime at school Another parent moved her children out of the school after two terms having joined as newcomers because of these exact same kinds of issues.

Anyway, to cut a long story short we decided
a month ago that enough was enough - they were both pretty happy at their old school, usually make friends pretty easily at clubs/ activities etc. So we went through the process of applying to another local school and have places for them to start next week.

What I feel really awkward about though is how to put this to neighbours local to us with kids in the school we are leaving. We know all of them a bit (and in some cases work with them) though I’m not close enough to any to have been discussing the details of issues at school as we’ve gone along. The neighbours kids are all really nice and my children get on fine with them but they are not in the same year groups.

I want some kind of sentence I can say which doesn’t make my children sound like the problem (they really weren’t!) but also I don’t want to go around bad-mouthing a school their own children are attending. Unfortunately I know it will come up so saying nothing isn’t really an option.

I was thinking something like ‘they just weren’t settling very well so we’ve decided to give them a fresh start in another school’ but I think that makes the problem sound like my children. Any ideas??

OP posts:
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MidnightPatrol · 02/12/2025 09:16

You are overthinking this.

‘They weren’t settling, a bigger school will suit them better’.

I can’t imagine anyone will be interested really beyond that. Different schools suit different families.

CBAwithallthethings · 02/12/2025 09:16

I wouldn’t worry too much to be honest just that it didn’t suit them as well and you wanted a bigger sized school.

Might not be possible but could you say you were on waiting list for places at another school and they’ve now come up so you’ve decided to move them?

ShesTheAlbatross · 02/12/2025 09:17

MidnightPatrol · 02/12/2025 09:16

You are overthinking this.

‘They weren’t settling, a bigger school will suit them better’.

I can’t imagine anyone will be interested really beyond that. Different schools suit different families.

I agree.

I was at a birthday party of one of DD’s school friends at the weekend. One of the mothers was talking about how she might move her son to a different school, no one took it as a slight or was even that interested beyond polite conversation.

Mum2Fergus · 02/12/2025 09:18

You don’t need to tell them anything. You’re parents who have made an informed decision in the best interests of your children.

Spirallingdownwards · 02/12/2025 09:18

If their children are in different year groups and aren't involved in the bullying why not simply tell them the truth? That is assuming they even ask because I wouldn't ever ask a parent why they were making a personal choice

OneDayIWillLearn · 02/12/2025 09:40

Ok I did wonder if I was overthinking. I think I’ll go with ‘they weren’t settling and we think the bigger school will suit them better’. If it leads onto more of a conversation you are right I can probably just say the kind of things that happened - my sense is it probably wouldn’t come as a surprise (and no, none of their children have been involved).

OP posts:
FlockofSquirrels · 03/12/2025 00:16

"We decided [new school] would be a better fit for our family right now." That's it. Then gently change the subject to a non-school activity/topic you have in common. Make sure to extend social invitations to local friends in the coming weeks to make it clear you want to continue those relationships outside of school.

You're right to avoid bad-mouthing the local school, but also just don't let yourself be drawn into explaining/justifying your parenting decision to people who don't actually have any involvement or need to know.

Friendlygingercat · 03/12/2025 01:32

just don't let yourself be drawn into explaining/justifying your parenting decision to people who don't actually have any involvement or need to know.

This has always been my mantra. I dont get involved with neighbours and the like and I certainly dont explain my motivation to them. I would go with the idea that you initially applied to the big school (where places have just come up) so the village school was only ever going to be a temporary prospect.

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