I'm sure this has been done before - but - school shoes!

[NigellaTheUndomesticGoddess]

Apologes - this s long and turns into a bit of a rant.

At Easter - after trawling the south of england trying to find DD a pair of school shoes that would a. fit and b. not have butterflies/fairys/sparkles on, I gave up and got her a pair of black crocs. (yes i know some of you don't like crocs)
in favour of crocs:
DD will wear them
they are comfortable
she can run around in them
they don't have sparkly bits
they are easily cleanable
they won't give her bunyons
Now DDs school have told her that she is not allowed to wear them.
I've looked at the uniform policy - it states - shoes to be preferably brown or black. that's all. I saw her teacher this morning who mentioned the shoe issue - I didn't rant just quoted the policy back to her and asked why not black crocs. She didn't know and told me to talk to the head.

So am i going to have to once again trawl the country for shoes to fit dd? she won't be wearing cheap ones from woolworths, or ones that will damage her feet or slip off as she walks (dolly shoe types). Or do i stand my ground and argue with the school (again).
We've had so many issues with dd and school this year it feels like i'm having to fight with them every week and like dd said this morning it feels like they've run out of things to tell her off about. Every time she settles down a bit and i manage to get her through the door without tears and much persuasion they pick on something and it sets her off again.
am a bit fed up with it.

Btw I wouldn't consider crocs for school myself as I don't think there is any real support in them.

I have no problem with rules that mean something.
I question rules that are put in place without thought or discussion. I want to know by which evidence rules bave been founded.
I don't think listening to my child and talking to her about my own ideas and beliefs will 'make a rod for my own back'.
I'm also not wholly sure that eithe me or the school dictating what she wears on her feet is going to have the slightest bearing on her getting a good education.
A child who is encouraged to learn, think for themselves and question would be my idea of getting a good education.

completely agree with twinkie on this one

Am not a croc hater, by the way. DD and DS both have crocs for out of school.
While your dd may not be prone to falling over in them, or having difficulty climbing, other children may.

Right - I digress.
My point is

1. I have tried and failed to find real school shoes to fit DD
2. The school policy states - black or brown shoes.
3. DD is indeed wearing black shoes
4. The head has suddenly decided 5 weeks before the end of term that she doesn't like this sort of shoe. DD is getting hastle despite me talking to the teacher about my reasons for her wearing aforementioned shoe.
5. Yes I will admit I do want my DD to grow up quesioning and challenging things she doesn't see as fair or pointless.
6. yes crocs may not be ideal but they're better than nothing at ll.
7. yes DD has wierd shaped feet - it's genetic. there's not alot i can do about it.
8. in comparison i think DDs shoes are preferable to children wearing pink canvas or blue sparkly open toed sandals (which they do)

In that case I think you may have signed up for the wrong kind of school, Nigella. There are schools with no uniform and a liberal attitude to clothing policy, where crocs/sandals/whatever are perfectly fine. But if your school isn't one of them, then I think you have to take that on the chin or move.

p.s - frogs - tried those ones,high instep - bar didn't reach over the top of her foot.

see it was so traumatic each pair of shoes tried on is indelibly imprinted on my memory.

unfortunately living in the sticks there is only this school within spitting distance.
and if i won the lottery i could either move (surely not) to within a catchmet area of a different more liberal school or pay (no!) to go elsewher.
as it is all i can do is question the bits i don't like about this one. and if that pisses off the head so be it.

On one level I have a certain amount of sympathy for you, Nigella -- one of the things I love about dd2's school is that they don't give a stuff what the kids turn up in. But I refuse to believe that there is no pair of black shoes anywhere that would fit your dd's feet.

I can understand your refusal to believe it - if it was anyone else i'd tell them not to be so precious and to get on with it.
it's the fact that trying to find any was so utterly traumatic and knowing i have to do it all over again before september - just makes me want to weep.
it really is awful.

Nigella, even on the hottest days my dss have to wear button collar shirts, buttoned up. I find it quite silly as they are 5 and 6, but thems the rules.
Your daughter will not be the only child with a high instep, it's really common and so other parents must have found their dcs shoes.... you have to do the same. I would say to the school that you cannot afford another pair for 5 weeks but you will ensure that she has the right ones for September, if they refuse write to the LEA. I would also ask them to stop harrassing your dd as she is aware that she has the wrong shoes and this is upsetting enough, being different, they're making it worse. Or that they are naking her dislike school an rules and the long term outcome over a pair of shoes is really not worth it.

nicely put posie

I hope you get it sorted.

Hmm I have to say I wouldnt buy crocs for school but 6 weeks before the end of term I can understand that you dont want to buy another pair of shoes.

For those people who dont believe the OP cant find shoes to fit I would say I have EXACTLY the same problem with DS1 - he has very long thin feet I have probably spent HOURS of my life waiting to be served in Clarks then to be told they dont have shoes to fit him and wont sell me any!!

Last time I waited 45 minutes to be served only to have to take the shoes back a day later because they were rubbing his feet raw...again they measured him, again couldnt find any with a better fit and suggested he wear "thicker socks so he doesnt get blisters" at which point I suggested they just give me a refund and I would go elesewhere

ah voices of reason
i love you
was beginning to feel all unreasonable and militant

I once had a child turn up to a dance class in a pair of crocs (for goodness sake!!!!

Seriously. Although state primaries cannot enforce uniform rules they can enforce no crocs on a health & safety basis. They are totally unsuitable for wearing in the playground.

willy-are you me?

"shoe shopping makes me cry-it is horrendous"

LOL - I think I must be you!!

Last time I picked the children up at 3.15 from school drove 20 minutes to Clarks, picked up my ticket and waited....and waited...and waited.... I finally got home at 6.30

Then had to take the shoes back the next day as I said

I hate shoe shopping even more than buying birthday party presents for children I dont know in ToysRUs...and thats pretty foul too.

I love crocs for the beach or hot summer day near the pool, or to play in the garden, but i wouldn't call them shoes, footwear yes, but not shoes. So on that basis your school may be right if it says black or brown SHOES. And what are you going to do for next year? having her wear crocs all year round?
If it is the issue of remaining 6 weeks, rather than "shoes that fit my daughter just don't exist", I would be apologetic to the head and say that it's tough with her shape to find the right shoe locally in the short time frame, but I wouldn't go militant about the school policy. If it is "shoes that fit my daughter don't exist" I personally would go for custom built shoes (viewing it as an investment into her health) than allow my DD to wear crocs 100% of the time all year, just not good for the growing foot. But then we are all different.

Our school will only permit black shoes - no trainers (those shoes which are half-shoe half-trainer are a bit of a grey area), no sandals and I guess nobody would dare send their child to school in crocs!

I can understand that you don't want to buy new shoes for half a term, but I wonder whether this issue has only come to the surface now because the school simply didn't expect any parent to buy crocs as school shoes. I'm not anti-crocs but I don't think of them as shoes, let alone school shoes. They're something fun to wear out of school, like flip-flops or sparkly pumps (according to preference).

Generally speaking, on the question of abiding by school rules you don't happen to agree with, I'm with twinkie1 and others. Schools can only operate if they have rules which help (or at least should help) provide a safe, happy and healthy environment for the children. Every parent could probably name one rule at their child's school that they're not enthusiastic about, but unless there's a major issue of human rights at stake - and I don't think an aversion to conventional school shoes counts as that - I think we have to accept that the rules are there for the general good. I don't think it does children any favours to allow them to think that they can opt out of any school rule which they don't care for.

irisha - you read my mind.

Dd has strange shaped feet - wide, but narrow heel, with a hugely high instep, so it is hard to find shoes that fit. But startrite ones do seem to - they have extra height or something. Her black school shoes are lovely - a plain t-bar, no flowers or sparkly bits!

If your dd has weirdy feet like my dd, then avoid Clarks like the plague - they will not fit! I found Clinkards the best place to go, as they have a huge range of shoes - clarks, startrite, umi etc etc.

so having proved that 'normal' scool shoes really don't fit where would one get custom fit shoes from? didn' know sucha thing existed.
am off to google
i am fairly reasonable - i don't argue with all petty new rules just for the sake of it. have i told you about the 'no running in the playround' rule? or the 'if you push someone who is beating you up you will be the child excluded' rule? or the 'no cycling to school because you might get run over' rule? or the 'no talking at lunchtime' rule? or the'no squash' rule? The list is endless.