Birthday parties

[Babybrain26]

We decided to put on a birthday party for our 6 year old for the first time. Its mid december so i asked two other mums if they wanted to do a joint party which they declined. We sent out the invites and so far we have 20 no's. We had 13 saying yes but its gradually declining. Another mum has been spreading lies about us because her son was caught hitting ours on several occasions, to a point he no longer wanted to go to school. She's told the other parents it was our son hitting hers, that i'm jealous of her career, that im holding a grudge against her etc. And the others believe it. Another mum sent out invites today for the 20th december and everyone has agreed to go...but 2 further have now pulled out of ours because the other invite was sent. Its very hurtful. The other kids mum was gloating at the last party because so many had said no and admitted she was keeping an eye on the responses. In the meantime weve to attend 3 other parties of kids that arn't going to out childs. I feel hurt and fed up here.

This is all very tit for tat. Your child doesn't need the whole class or year group there. You had 13 say yes, that's great (even if a couple have sadly now pulled out). Your child will have a ball and feel very special on their party day, no matter how many come.

The other mum is being very childish. Just ignore her. You don't have to send your child to her kid's party if you really don't want (although it would make you appear equally as childish). I'd rise above it personally as your child will enjoy both their own party and the other child's.

If people have said yes to your's and then cancelled because a new invite has gone out for the same date that's really rude. Do you really want those people in your lives though? Focus on those who will be there. They are the families you should look to getting closer to and the friends you should encourage your child to pal up with more if these other friendships have turned sour. A party is still a party whether there are 4 kids or 50. Try not to make it into such a big thing, otherwise your child will start to pick up on your vibe and feel down about it when they really don't need that kind of negativity at the age of 6.

@BoleynMemories13 even if i don't mention to him who is going/isn't going. The other kid who was hitting him talks to him about who is going to his party/ who isn't. The kids mum said to me she's keeping an eye on the responses.

Kids talk crap about parties every day. They fall out and it's "you're not coming to my party" (even when their birthday isn't for another 6 months). School staff will shut down talk of parties as soon as they hear it, as arguments about parties are the bain of their lives.

You are turning playground tittle tattle into something big and upsetting when it really doesn't need to be that big a deal. If your child mentions children who are not coming you say "yes, that's a shame but it's a busy time of year. Not everyone can come and that's ok. Remember x, y and z are coming, you'll have a lovely time."

Honestly, don't rise to the other parent's pettiness.

OP, this is silly. If your child is being bullied at school, you’ve presumably addressed this with his teacher? Your child has invitations to three birthday parties, and has 13 children coming to his — do you know how many parents would kill for their child to be invited to parties? The rest of it is stuff you shouldn’t be engaging with. It’s juvenile.

If you don't mind I'd chime in on this not based on the history of playground abuse between the two children and not based on the childish weird backbiting of the other mother, but as someone who has multiple friends/family members with December to early January birthdays, I can tell you that those don't get attended the same way as other times of the year. People just get overwhelmed with all the Christmas prep, and December -early Jan birthdays tend to get pushed aside. That's just the way it is.

You might just want to accept those who rsvp-ed with open arms, and enjoy your party this year, try something else next year.

(Not particularly helpful for a young child because birthdays are extremely important to them, but when I was a young adult, my boyfriend whose birthday was December 26th... and hated it... We just started celebrating for him in the summer, a "half birthday" party! (As in it it had been 6 months since his last birthday / 6 months to his next birthday, a half birthday)
We served half a cake, we made a joke out of serving half-sized foods, to all of his friends... it was so difficult for him growing up because his birthday was always rolled into Christmas or just ignored. Between winter driving and everyone just being busy at that time of year.)

Don't know if that helps but, if I was a kid, I'd probably enjoy a ""half birthday" celebration in the summer...

@StruggleFlourish is spot on here. One of my DCs has a January birthday and the party invites simply got lost in the Christmas noise last year. He’s a popular little boy, from what I can tell, but we still had fewer than half the class attend. He was perfectly happy with that! This year I got the invites out really early and got a much better response.

In future, I’d consider celebrating early if his birthday is mid-December. But anyone who RSVPs and then declines on the grounds of a better offer is plain rude and you don’t want to forge connections with those kinds of parents anyway!

This mother said directly to you that she was "keeping an eye on the responses" to your invitation, and gloated that so many had declined? Jesus, I really hope you have misinterpreted this because if not then she sounds like a complete bitch and I do feel for you having someone like that around.

I do agree with others about party numbers though.. my child has an August birthday and loads of people are usually away or have plans. This year I think we had 9 guests but it was still really nice and DC loved it 🙂

@Kiwo unfortunately there's no chance of misinterpretation, shes targeted us for around a year now spreading lies about us. She said these comments to me at another party when no one else was around. They're all turning on us though based on her lies , mostly the boy parents she speaks to. She wants us out of the school. I think what's hurtful is another boy mum having a party on the 20th december and all said yes to going. I would've thought that date was more awkward than ours if anything, but apparently not. That mum (who asked us if we like the school last week and was trying to gain info to tell the 'bitchy' mum) is still friends with the mum that is targeting us, so its ok for everyone to attend. I get the impression everyone just wants us gone. All this started because my son was being hit/ isolated by hers and the teacher phoned her (without saying to me) to get her to speak to her child and told her who he was picking on. She hasn't stopped targeting us since.

This is all very petty. Just enjoy you sons party. He won't care who comes.

That's awful I'm really sorry 😔

Is your son happy at school now? Has the bullying from the child stopped? I think all you can do is focus on him and try to rise above the awful behaviour of the mother.

@Kiwo he's mostly happy, hes very naive though so sometimes doesn't realise when the other kid is being bossy/asking intrusive questions/picking on him a bit but the physical side has stopped. I've just to handle the mum telling lies about me to the other parents and nitpicking at us/isolating me/ making weird statements to me about being jealous of her, me holding a grudge etc. and of course throwing verbals at me every now and again (only when no one else is there though). She is definitely targeting my child though which is worrying, i know she wants us out of thr school ultimately. Its hard to handle, but i'm doing my best as my kids are relatively happy.