Help, 4 year old doesn’t want to go to school.

[Sunshineseeker24]

Please help me, following half term my 4 year old, who is in P1, doesn’t want to
go to school. She loved it a week ago but now she won’t get out of bed, get dressed etc.This week has been terrible- so many tears in the morning, raised voices, and we are all just so sad.

When we do get out of the house she insists on being carried! One day this week when approaching the class room she turned and tried to bolt out of the playground.

I have tried the love button idea, letting her taking a cuddly toy in and promising an activity when she gets home (typically she wants a family movie night).

She has lots of friends in her class and has been enjoying learning. Her teachers have been doing as much as they can to help.

She had been so happy to return to school but on the Monday morning. Something changed in her little mind. I have no idea what has brought this on.

Any advice would be great because I can’t bear the thought of this continuing.

TIA

Have you asked the school to see if something might have happened at school to cause this?

I'd write an email with all the details of what happened - where, when, who, etc. Any information may help pinpoint if it's something to do with something specific at school. Then follow it up in the office or with a call on Monday, maybe also an update on how Monday morning goes.

I'd also be tempted not to have a home movie night as an incentive, at least not during the week. I love a movie on the sofa, but I find that my daughter (4.5) is far more level in the morning when she's had half an hour of really good one and one time (play etc) than if she's watched something. The kind where she's in charge of everything (safely!) and basks in all of your adoring attention.

Sorry to hear your little one has hit a bit of a dip, after such a positive start to school. Has she told you specifically why she doesn't want to go? If something has happened at school, hopefully she'll be able to tell you so you can address it with school and sort it out. If not, it's not unusual for children that young to go through these phases, especially at the start or end of a term. At the end of term, tiredness is usually to blame. After a break, some children can sometimes struggle to get back into the routine, especially if you've had a chilled week of lie ins, pj days etc. They're almost too relaxed, and the cold, dark, early mornings can be a shock to the system. It's the same for the teachers!

This time of year it is particularly hard to get back into the swing. The clocks have gone back, it's getting colder and darker etc. Added to that, the excitement and potential late nights of Halloween and Bonfire Night can put children out of routine.

Hopefully it's just a phase and she'll feel more back into routine this coming week. Keep her routine as normal as possible every day, so she knows what to expect.

Is it just mornings/drop offs which are the issue, or has she been upset in school too this week? As hard as it is, if she's fine once in school it could just be a habit she's got into for your benefit. Sometimes children get upset about something and we (understandably) make a fuss. They like the fuss, and choose to repeat the performance day after day for a while, because it gets the attention they want. I'm not saying this is definitely the case, but it could be a performance for your benefit if she does quickly settle once in school. As I said, it's best to keep routines normal etc, rather than promising special treats. Try to get the routine exactly back to how it was before half term, to help her adjust back and know what to expect. Hopefully it is just a phase which will pass soon.

Thank you. I’ve been in touch with the school
and unfortunately they have not idea. She’s mentions just missing us, wanting to stay home in bed and she doesn’t want to be a big girl.

I think you’re right that it’s hard to
adjust back post Halloween.

I agree with what you said regarding the fuss. We have tried our best but she literally will not get dressed without us taking control and putting her uniform on her.

The school say once she settles she is fine but Drop offs have been bad too. She doesn’t like her after school club so we have been coming early (as would make sense) but she has major meltdowns infront of everyone as she hasn’t had a chance to finish her drawing and then tries to run away and refuses to get in the car.

Im hoping this settles soon as it’s so upsetting for her and us!

Thank you. I’ve been in touch with the school
and unfortunately they have not idea. She’s mentions just missing us, wanting to stay home in bed and she doesn’t want to be a big girl.

I think you’re right that it’s hard to
adjust back post Halloween.

I agree with what you said regarding the fuss.

Wanted to respond as we have been experiencing the same with our nearly five year old and it’s very sad and hard. Have you noticed any friendship shifts? For our DD we think it was post half term feelings combined with a friendship shifting. I have just bought the colour monster school book and the Ahlberg’s starting school book to see if that helps.

It really is awful isnt it! I hope you get some resolution soon.

We aren’t aware of any friendship shifts this time but there have been in the past which was really upsetting. I never imagined 4 year olds would be talking about having best friends and having little fall outs!

Have the school been supportive?