Is this an appropriate response

[Mumof4boys12975]

DS is in his 2nd year of school. He did okish last year, just managing to be where he needed to be work wise. He worked hard and did find it tricky, so I was aware he needed a bit of extra help.
this year he almost immediately needed extra support, I realised he had been moved in to the bottom reading group and I asked to speak to the teacher at the beginning of term. I was told he hasn’t retained anything, doesn’t know any sounds, cannot blend etc (interestingly he was managing at home, although still mixing some sounds up) I had no further communication until the week before the holidays when I asked to speak to the teacher again to see how he was getting on. Teacher called eventually, said he is still struggling (which I agreed as I have seen very little progress) and that he is also displaying challenging behaviours in class, disrupting others and avoiding doing any work. This was the first I had heard of it, I was completely off guard, really not expecting to hear that and was quite upset after as he has obviously been struggling more than I had realised and avoiding work to protect himself.

So I have spoken to the teacher twice, over the phone both times at my request. The 2nd time I was told of disruptive behaviours for the first time which had been going on for weeks.

I have requested to meet the teacher to discuss and I have received a VERY snippy reply referring to numerous conversations and reassurances provided to me. I am FURIOUS! But am I expecting too much? I thought actually sitting down and discussing how to manage this would be a positive step for us both. Should I leave it? I don’t want to be that parent (although clearly the teacher already thinks I am?) but also I think he needs support. Teacher says they have plans to support him, which they might do but I don’t feel they are proactively communicating that with me and I feel like I will only find out if I contact them. I don’t trust the teacher to tell me what is going on now.
As name suggests he is youngest of 4 boys but first who has struggled so this is new to me.
HT is as useless as a chocolate teapot so no point in involving her.

What were the 'numerous conversations and reassurances provided' that they referenced? .. if these didn't happen and the teacher has fabricated them then that's worrying.

If the teacher has spoken to you 'numerous times, about behaviour and progress, but you didn't feel they portrayed the gravity of the situation then it could be a few things: either not as big a deal as you think and within normal parameters; the teacher doesn't communicate well or is trying to be gentle and not upset or alarm you.

So have you only spoken twice in 8 weeks to his teacher?

We have only spoken on the phone twice. Reassurances I assume would be one plan they potentially have in place to provide some form of additional support for learning to read this term.
Nothing has been provided as to how they will manage the challenging behaviours

Twice relating to his learning. I spoke once at pick up relating to an unrelated health matter, she approached me and I did not mention anything about his learning in the short 2 min chat that time.

I guess it's only fairly early into the term.

But she shouldn't be coming across snippy though

Be that parent. I can promise you your child will fall through the gaps and become more challenging to avoid being part of the class.

Ask for a copy of their reports for his behaviour.

Also maybe you could start supporting your child at home with reading. If phonics don’t work then look at different things to do with him.

Is there a deputy HT? The HT at my son's school was a people pleaser who said yes to most things, but didn't actually sort anything.

Deputy HT was much more proactive and better to deal with.

I’d try asking what the plans are that she mentioned in an email, then the teacher can respond when it is convenient for her.

She shouldn’t be rude to you, but you also have to appreciate that if she had that much contact with every child’s parent within the first six weeks of the year, she’d never be able to teach.

What have you been doing at home to help your child remember the reading skills he’s been taught, and what did you do to respond to the information about his behaviour?

To answer some questions. Not in England so term start mid August. I’ve not spoken to any of my other boys teachers at all. I do understand about taking up teachers time but he is not coping so surely we should speak more often than normal, maybe I’m wrong with that?

In terms of supporting him at home. We have been doing work at home most days, aiming for short bursts or incorporating into fun activities. He also has a tutor once a week who is absolutely fantastic with him.
i have discussed with him alternative ways to ask for help if he is feeling overwhelmed. I’m trying to build his confidence at home, remind him it is ok if he finds it hard and he can only do his best. He tells me he isn’t doing it anymore but he is 5 so I don’t know for sure and the teacher doesn’t want to talk to me about it!