Meeting with senco

[Beaniecrumpet]

My child is in Year 2, July birthday so one of the youngest. He is having trouble going into school most days, crying, refusing to walk in etc. He doesn't sleep well and I'm extremely tired. Everything feels like a battle, he will argue and need to control the smallest thing. Today he cried and refused to go in again and I cried too, I don't know what to do anymore.

The school phoned me after I got home and said he was fine (he always is once he's in), but asked me to come for a meeting with the senco, to see if they can do anything to help me in the mornings. What can they do? What should I even ask for? Some mornings he goes in fine but I'm walking on eggshells all the time waiting for a meltdown because he wanted his scooter, he didn't want his scooter, his friend got to the gate before us, he doesn't like his coat, his socks feel funny, I didn't let him watch TV, his brother looked at him wrong, he wanted packed lunch. It can be anything, or nothing, it's just so wearing and I feel really useless. He has always been strong willed, but we've never had this issue going into school before now.

I think what they can do is signpost you to services which can hopefully diagnose your child and/or offer you more support.
It sounds really exhausting for you.

I would imagine the senco wants to discuss autism with you. If not, you should have that conversation even if it doesn’t go any further.

Id ask if he could go into the classroom slightly early, before the other children are there, and see if that helps him settle in.

When my son did this in primary (year 2) one of the things they offered was for me to bring him to the school reception area and someone came specially to collect him from there rather than him having to transition from me to a line up.
Often he went to a nurture room rather than class.
Playtime they kept an eye on him.
Also if we were ten minutes late because of his anxiety they didnt make a big deal of it and "welcomed" him rather than telling him off or singling him out.

Tbh I once found myself saying unless you make him WANT to come to school, I can't get him in. So I suppose that was their goal, to make school a pleasant place for him and by so doing he "attended".

I am
goung through the same thing

My son was like this. I booked him in to Before School club - he enjoyed this, so we didn’t have the distress about going in to school anymore, he trotted in happily.

I don't know if you have ever found, yourself, that complaining or fussing, can be a natural way to discharge anxiety. So that is what he is doing, he is discharging his anxiety about the" transition." It's a common aspect of neuro diversity

One of the things that helps is to talk through the morning routine and make family jokes about aspects of it even (we found) like the annoying socks or distract him by chatting or look at the world around - front doors, cars, cats, trees (mindfulness in essence)

If they/you have capacity then a ‘soft start’ might work whereby he goes in a little bit after all the other children or goes in at the same time but doesn’t go straight to his class, he might go to a smaller room with a TA to play a game or just to regulate and get ready for the day.

Having a TA go over the timetable for the day with him so he can ask questions, might help. Equally, this is something you might be able to do at home with him, if school can send you a timetable each week.

Consider trying a transitional object/token with him e.g you give him a pen/small teddy/small ornament to keep in his bag/drawer from home to look after for you until he sees you at home tome. Or draw a small heart in pen on both yours and his hands and encourage him to press it when he is missing you.

Other ideas:

A notebook he can keep in class to jot down his worries in the day

as soon as he’s done a good piece of work, a staff member sends you a photo on dojo

Thank you all, I didn't expect replies so quickly. I just feel so embarrassed and pathetic for crying to the teacher. A lot of aspects of his behavior suggest autism, and I have mentioned this to his reception and year 1 teachers but felt kind of dismissed. Poor sleep, extreme food fussiness, a need to control everything, attachment to random objects that others consider rubbish (a staple he found on the floor, or an old bottle top, for example), need to wash his hands very often. Other things too. I think these are suppressed in school or not so noticeable with 29 other children around. I will make a list I think for when I go for the meeting.