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Drop off and pick up

17 replies

Pandaghost · 09/10/2025 12:20

Hi
My eldest is due to start reception in September and we are in the process of viewing schools. There is one that I like that is close enough to my work to do drop off each morning but my favourite is the other end of of town and a later drop off time. Grandparents would be available and willing to do drop off but I feel guilty that neither parent would be at pick up or drop off (would need to use after school club at least 3 days a week)? I feel very reluctant to use both breakfast and after school club - my husband thinks I am being ridiculous as it would be the same hours as nursery but it just feels different as other pupils would be going home and they wouldn't.
How do you manage the school run? Do many Grandparents do drop off and pick up?
Thanks

OP posts:
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Overthebow · 09/10/2025 12:23

We don’t have grandparents close by to help with drop offs and pick up. We both work flexibly so share the school runs and dd does after school club twice a week. School is a 5 min walk from our house so it’s easy. Some kids in her class do have grandparents helping but no many of them and not every week. I would try and avoid wrap around every day as it’s good to be able to meet and talk to the other parents, have play dates and go to the after school events and extracurricular activities with friends.

pjani · 09/10/2025 12:24

I do see grandparents, more at pick up than drop off and not every day. I think it's a big risk tbh, by definition they will be getting older, or if they are younger then what if they get new jobs/need to do something else at that time? It's a 7 year day in day out commitment.

What would you do if eg one had a major health problem and the other was caring for them? If they got an amazing job offer they can't refuse and moved out of town?

I would think it's a big risk relying on others to do school drop-off - that's unless you can afford a good plan B, like having paid childcare to do the role, but it's also stressful when they are sick/not available - which definitely happens.

Pandaghost · 09/10/2025 12:34

Thanks for your replies
Grandparents are young (60) and in good health. They have no plans to change jobs and will be retiring in next few years. Nan is in a managerial role and can work flexibly so no concerns with some issues suggested. We live on the same site (main house and annex) so we are very close!

OP posts:
JustMarriedBecca · 09/10/2025 12:55

I flexed my hours (legal professional services) to do pick up twice a week. I work compressed hours with the kids in wraparound for longer on other days (2 days wraparound, 1 day extra curricular clubs offered via school).

I think it's important particularly when they are starting out in infants to facilitate playdates and be at extra curricular outside of school. Now (upper juniors) playdates are less frequent and literally they entertain themselves and clubs start later and so I can do after working hours.

Can you put in a flexible working request for a few years to facilitate your being at the school gate? Twice a week after school is plenty I'd say. Breakfast club is fine, and I think help keep them settled actually.

You're essentially paying for a playdate really at after school club?

Parker231 · 09/10/2025 12:56

We used breakfast and after school clubs five days a week - they loved it.

cloudjumper · 09/10/2025 12:58

My DC have been doing breakfast and afterschool club for 5 days per week - you will not be the only one at all.

Thatcannotberight · 09/10/2025 13:17

Our school didn't have breakfast and after school clubs. Some people used wraparound nursery care and some used childminders. I also met as many grandparents doing the drop offs and pick ups, as I did parents. Some children only ever had grand parents with them.

BoleynMemories13 · 09/10/2025 16:23

I'm a teacher. I wouldn't think anything of it if grandparents did most of the drop offs or pick ups. Working parents need help to manage childcare. If grandparents are willing and able, there's nothing wrong with that set up at all. Plenty of grandparents regularly pick up children in my class.

Needanadultgapyear · 12/10/2025 08:05

Do you have a realistic chance of getting into these schools based on your home address. This is the first thing to consider by all means pith them on the list, but make sure you include a ‘banker’ school near home that you will definitely get in to.

RedLettersWin · 12/10/2025 08:16

Lots of grandparents on our school run OP.
An observation I have made, is that the children walking out of school slowly, hand in hand, being talked to gently and listened to and asked all about their day, being smiled down at like they're the most wonderful creatures on earth, are the children being collected by their grandparents.
The mums and dads on the school run all look like they are in a massive rush all the time!

DoOneBetty · 12/10/2025 08:27

I agree with @pjani it is a 7 year commitment. I know you say your parents are in good health and so was my Mum who did my sister's childcare. She was fit and well, 61, energetic, then suddenly unwell with a dodgy hip overnight. She thought it was arthritis and that is what her Mum had. Had a hip xray and turns out she was riddled with cancer, no symptoms whatsoever before the hip. She died less than 3 months later despite chemo.

My Dad fell apart losing his wife, the love of his life, so although he was physically able to collect the children he was also emotionally vulnerable and sad. Fortunately the children were at the end of primary so he only had to do it for 18 months before they were both in secondary.

You always need to consider how you will manage this without family support. One parent could fall ill and the other becomes their carer or hospital appointments or chemo appointments etc. It is just something to bear in mind.

A variety of people do drop off and pick ups. Mums, Dads, step parents, grandparents, childminders, before school clubs off site, before school clubs on site. I have taken friend's children into school if they have a sick sibling or just meetings they can't avoid etc.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 12/10/2025 08:33

It’s a primary school- pick the one closest to the home. Anything could happen with the grandparents commitment, I would make life as easy as possible. Your kids will see their friends locally too.

Lindy2 · 12/10/2025 08:37

Which school is closest to your home?

This is a 7 year commitment. More in fact as you have younger children who I presume will also go to the same school. It could be 10 years + depending on the number and age of your your younger child/children.

Basing a school by your workplace location - you might choose to change job, have a work relocation, be made redundant.

Relying on grandparents - might be fine but as stated above this could be for 10 years. Health could be an issue. Will grandparents never want to go on holiday in term time, have other commitments for some days etc? I think you could find that a long term commitment starts to cause problems at some point.

You really need to be able to manage it yourselves or through paid childcare. Or at least have those options as a workable back up.

mynameiscalypso · 12/10/2025 08:38

DS goes to after school club 4 days a week. He enjoys it and we clearly couldn’t work without it but it does mean that I miss out on a lot of interaction with other parents/his teacher. For example, his teacher said at the start of term that she is always happy to discuss issues at the end of the school day but because I’m not there, there’s no opportunity to raise anything. It’s not the end of the world, of course, but it’s not ideal. Unless we really have to, I avoid using breakfast club for a similar reason as I like to have some engagement with the school on a daily basis.

ResusciAnnie · 12/10/2025 08:40

Overthebow · 09/10/2025 12:23

We don’t have grandparents close by to help with drop offs and pick up. We both work flexibly so share the school runs and dd does after school club twice a week. School is a 5 min walk from our house so it’s easy. Some kids in her class do have grandparents helping but no many of them and not every week. I would try and avoid wrap around every day as it’s good to be able to meet and talk to the other parents, have play dates and go to the after school events and extracurricular activities with friends.

Exact same here. My boys are mid & upper primary and do after school club 2 days a week. DH collects one day at normal time and they watch telly or whatever until he finishes work an hour or so later. The other 2 days I’m not at work so pick up normal time and it’s nice to go to the playground with friends spontaneously etc.

No breakfast club. I can get to work for 9, school drop off is 8:40-8:50, so I’m lucky there. DS1 did breakfast club 1 day a week for a term in reception, but then Covid hit. Breakfast club was pretty bleak tbh!

I’m not sure what to do when DD starts school next year because I don’t want her in after school club age 4 - it always seems pretty rowdy and like a cattle holding pen! I didn’t go back to work until the boys were year 2&5 so they were a bit more established at school than a 4 year old! Plus she’ll just be shattered. It’s not comparable to nursery IMO. The ratios aren’t the same for a start.

Pandaghost · 12/10/2025 17:56

Thanks everyone for your input - lots to think on.
I'm not planning on using grandparents forever. I think I will happily use breakfast and after school clubs in a few years time - I am just reluctant to while they are so young and it seems like an awfully long day for them (even though they do these hours now at nursery but not for the full 5 days.)
With regards to holidays etc then other half can start work late etc so this wouldn't be an issue.
Schools are all within 1 mile of home address. There are closer schools but we want a faith school. One school opens at 8.35 which would allow me to do drop off, the other is 8.45 which wouldn't.
I work very close to home and wouldn't choose to leave until children are older. My place of work is massively in the process of expanding with more plans in the pipeline, so not expecting redundancies anytime soon and hopefully shouldn't have any other reason to leave!!

OP posts:
CarpetKnees · 12/10/2025 20:57

pjani · 09/10/2025 12:24

I do see grandparents, more at pick up than drop off and not every day. I think it's a big risk tbh, by definition they will be getting older, or if they are younger then what if they get new jobs/need to do something else at that time? It's a 7 year day in day out commitment.

What would you do if eg one had a major health problem and the other was caring for them? If they got an amazing job offer they can't refuse and moved out of town?

I would think it's a big risk relying on others to do school drop-off - that's unless you can afford a good plan B, like having paid childcare to do the role, but it's also stressful when they are sick/not available - which definitely happens.

This.

I'm in my early 60s, and you'd be surprised how life can change in an instant for so many of us. I could write you a list of family and close friends where one has suddenly had

  • a stroke
  • an aneurysm
  • a brain tumour
  • dropped dead of a heart attack (no history)
  • cancer
(this is just in the last 18months)

Grandparents are young (60) and in good health. They have no plans to change jobs and will be retiring in next few years. Nan is in a managerial role and can work flexibly so no concerns with some issues suggested.

The other thing is holidays. I am an 'early retiree' and our plan, whilst we have that small window with no work, but with some money, and currently good health, is definitely to go away for a month or more each year and do all the things we couldn't afford to when we were younger. For the first time in my life I am able to travel during the much cheaper, and much quieter term time. Can you work round that?

Thirdly, lots of dc enjoy breakfast club and after school club. I know mine much preferred how much choice and how much fin they had on breakfast club days than they did on days going in from home. I wasn't cooking pancakes before school on Shrove Tuesday, for example! You are making out it is a bad thing for them!

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