4 year old struggling with starting school

[LMSLMS]

Wonder if anyone has been in the same position, my little girl started school this September, she's always been happy and pretty confident. The first week was fine, however this week she's been really tearful and saying she doesn't want to go and that school makes her nervous... She really doesn't seem herself and today was the first time we've ever had her crying at drop off (she's been in childcare since she was 1) and saying she didn't want to go. Teachers have said she settles but struggles with transitions throughout the day and has some wobbles. It's so tricky as it's so at odds with how her personality has always been... So hard to know what to say and what the right thing to do is, I hate seeing her not herself 🥺 any advice really appreciated x

This is quite common. A child can start off excited and confident then the novelty wears off and reality kicks in. I bet she’s not the only one feeling like this, but that doesn’t help you

Obviously all Reception classes aren’t the same and expectations vary. Some have a gradual, slow transition whilst others get children in quickly. Some don’t go into the hall for assembly until they are settled and others expect this early on.

Separation from you will have been eased by being in childcare but there’s so much to get used to.
Lots of children, big open spaces, different adults and older children any or all could be making her nervous I expect.

If she doesn’t settle, you could ask how staff are managing transitions. Is there a whole class visual
timetable? Are they using music, rhymes etc to indicate a change or timers/ countdowns. Does she need an individual prompt.
There are lots of settling in at school books and I’m sure others will have ideas for special things to say or do when dropping her off.

Half way through the first half term and she's probably shattered. Has she struggled with the transitions since starting or is that getting worse? I think I'd be planning a very low pressure relaxed weekend and trying to get some more info from her teacher. So awful when they're upset

It's very normal for children to take a while to settle (or appear unsettled once the novelty has worn off a few weeks in, as they're utterly exhausted).

You say she's been in childcare since she was 1. Was this the same setting, or a few different ones? If it was the same nursery, this is a massive change for her. New adults, different children, different routines, different expectations of how to behave etc.

Give it time. What you're experiencing is very normal and is in fact even more normal for a child who was use to long hours at nursery from a very young age. Most parents assume this means their child will cope fine with the transition to school, but in some ways their little world is rocked far more than a child who, say, only went to pre-school 4 mornings a week for a year before starting school. They might be use to the long hours, but they were so attached to the old setting that it's almost like a bereavement to be pulled away from it. It might have been exciting for a week or so, but now the novelty has warn off it's normal for her to crave her 'old life' back. Some children are naturally ready for the next step. For others, it takes a good few weeks to get use to their new normal.

Most children have settled by November time (after October half term). It's so tiring getting use to new people, new rules and new routines, and we all get grumpy when we are tired no matter how old we are. Give her time.

Just came across your post as I’m having very similar with my son who’s started reception this year too. He was fine for the first 3 weeks but this week we’ve had so many tears and he’s repeatedly saying he doesn’t want to go.

So just wanted to show some solidarity as I know how tough it is! You’ve had some lovely advice and reassurance above so I hope that’s helped. How’s your little girl getting on now? Has it got any better since your post last week?

Oh gosh it's so hard isn't it! Hope things improve for you soon! We've had a better week this week with no tears but she's still reluctant to go and wakes up saying she doesn't like it. Teachers have said she's okay when she's in there though which makes it so hard 🥺

My daughter is the same, with my eldest I remember it got better after the Christmas holidays I guess when they are almost half way through the school year! Hang in there and hopefully it will get better for us all!