WWYD parents’ event?

[MoreThanRubies]

Should I attend a parents’ event and then leave, putting DD into after school club?

DD has just started reception. After getting over the staggered start, we now have a parents’ event, at 2pm tomorrow. The school got the kids to colour in invitations and send them home. DH and I work (i.e. employed), like most parents.

I have told DD we can’t come to the event, and she is upset. Looking at my calendar today I can maybe flex things so I could go, but she would then need to go in after school club as normal. I don’t like the idea of her there being sad without us if some other parents can go, but I am extremely wary of turning up and then leaving her there. Should I just deal with her sadness at us not being there?

I don’t have warm and fuzzy feelings towards the school right now.

I would go if you can. Its a sign of a good school that theyre making effort to involve parents, which is for the children's benefit.

They're not doing it to annoy parents who don't have any flexibility at work, thankfully (like you) many do have flexibility to make it work.

But she can’t make it work. She’d need to attend the event and then put her diagnose in after school club, surely you can see the issue with that ?

OP do you know anyone yet that you could beg a play date from? So she could go home with another child rather than ASC?

I’d just let her know you could go but she’d have to go to after school club. I’ve had to do the same with my DC. There have also been events that neither me of DH can make, so I ask their friends parents to give them a wave for me. It’s difficult, and guilt from the DC doesn’t make it easier -“ALL my friends parents can come, why am I the ONLY one?” Our primary seemed to have an awful lot of events, often with little notice and we simply couldn’t do it all. We would divide them up and try to cover as many as we could, but you can’t do it all.

If you can go to the event then go. We always try to make events work and DS although hates being the centre of attention loves that we are there.
Sometimes our are 9.15am so DS then stays at school all day.
We have a few friends who attend events but their kids still go to after school club that day.

Is there any way you could WFH and have her watch a film or something while you finish work?

In my experience she'll be really upset if you leave her there, unfortunately. Maybe just my child, but I know if he sees me and knows other kids are going home, he'll want to too.

She said her daughter normally does after school club, and that she can make the event. A quick explanation of "I'm coming in for an hour for your event, then you'll have some time playing in after school club, then I'll pick you up" is fine. The teacher may need to settle her for a few minutes if she's clingy, but it's no different to when they have assembly's or sports days and have to say bye.

She might be disappointed at going to after school club, but you know what, things not going the way you want is a part of life!

Sign of a pretty poorly organised school if they're giving parents less than 24 hours notice of an event parents are expected to attend! That is absolutely NOT making an effort to involve parents - it shows a complete disregard for parents' work and care obligations, and an assumption they are all sat at home, waiting for a summons to the school. Why on earth do schools do this?!

Where does it say they gave less than 24 hours notice?

I think this is probably about it op.

I think it would be lovely if you can juggle things to get there for the event, but don't berate yourself for not being able to do what you cannot do.

A playdate would be a good thought, but then again, dc is very little and the familiar routine of after school club might be less unsettling anyway.

Thanks all, I think I’ll try to attend then maybe leave her with something exciting/comforting to wear/take to ASC. She’s generally a happy and confident child so fingers crossed, but has been understandably more emotional as the term progresses.

The school did give us more notice but I’d not planned to go. However, the cancellation of a clashing work meeting and seeing how upset she is about it are making me consider changing plans. I really do need to finish out the work day afterwards though and ASC is the only feasible option.

I do think this is too soon in the term after all the staggered start shenanigans (flexibility is limited!) and I’m annoyed that school has clearly been bigging up parents coming (rather than just the event itself) by making the kids make an invitation.

I really appreciate all your experience and thoughts.

Yeah that’s the problem, when they start bigging up the parents attending, and how excited everyone will be. Seems that some (certainly not all) schools have no concept that parents may not have flexibility in their work and be able to pop in, which is somewhat ironic since teachers certainly don’t have any flexibility to attend their own DC school events! Only 6 more years of this to go OP, then when they get to secondary school there’s nothing except the once a year parents evening. Not gonna lie, I don’t miss the guilt tripping for not being able to attend every single assembly/play/family worship etc. certainly don’t miss the “please bring random obscure fancy dress item to school tomorrow” emails either!

I would definitely go then take her to ASC as normal. It’s fine. She’d rather have you at a ‘special’ event I’m sure - my kids would have anyway.

I’d go. I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you there and it won’t be a deal going to after school club as usual