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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Cuddling teachers

17 replies

Pinky1990 · 23/09/2025 21:44

Hi I’m new here and don’t know if I’m over reacting!!?? I have a son that’s 7 with speech and language difficulties and in the process of looking at autism!
Today we had a chance to go into school and watch the class session! A support teacher came over to me quite intimidating and said that she was helping him with his phonics 3x a week 1-1 which I thought was great! Getting extra support!
She then continued to tell me that he really really likes her, I also thought that’s really good, to then be told that they constantly cuddle all the time which then kind of put my back up abit!? I thought it was abit strange! It’s like she was rubbing in my face that he gives her cuddles and really really likes her!? Am I right in thinking this isnt right? And feel abit uncomfortable with the situation now? Or am I over thinking it!?

OP posts:

Elpheba · 23/09/2025 21:48

My son is a hugger and I love that he feels comfortable enough with some members of staff to give them a hug, I’ve had one or two teachers say that they love that he loves a hug- it makes me feel that they know him well and care for him. All school workers will have completed safeguarding training and know not to initiate a hug with a child but I’d be sad if they felt they had to physically back away and prevent a child from seeking comfort/showing affection.

TheFormidableMrsC · 23/09/2025 21:51

You’re overthinking. I’m a 1-1. The child I work with is very affectionate and young children do sometimes approach for a hug. Surely you’d prefer that to being told to go away or not comforted when they are disregulated. My own son is autistic and would seek out cuddles when he was little. I have never felt affronted by that. Often autistic children just want the pressure of a hug which is calming. It sounds as if he has a good relationship with this member of staff and that she was offering you reassurance.

Screenager · 23/09/2025 21:52

You’re over thinking it. She obvs doesn’t think he prefers her over you!

I work in an SEN sch and some kids
love to give hugs! Right up to the older teens!… Me on the other hand hate hugs. But sometimes I have to force them to help support a child.

Screenager · 23/09/2025 21:53

How was she intimidating?

Yellowcar22 · 23/09/2025 21:55

I teach EYFS and KS1. I would never instigate a hug but would also never back away from a child who was trying to hug me. I do think it's really weird that she would say they cuddle all the time - there's no need to.

GloryFades · 23/09/2025 21:56

I can remember being in reception (in my 30s now) and cuddling my teacher. In fact, I can remember being in the queue to hand my students peek in and getting out of the queue to rest my head on her shoulder as she was my favourite teacher.

So I don’t think it’s a new thing. I imagine all affectionate kids have cuddled teachers over time. And l think it’s good, kids need emotional support and affection and shouldn’t have to go 6 hours without it while at school if they are seeking it out.

Original poster

Pinky1990 · 23/09/2025 21:56

Thank you all! That’s very reassuring! He’s not an overly cuddly kid so threw me! But thank you sooo much for your reply’s! Been playing on me most the night!

OP posts:

Original poster

Pinky1990 · 23/09/2025 22:03

I was sitting in the kiddies chair and she was standing over me! Loudly telling me in front of everyone in the class that she’s doing his 1-1 3x a week and then went into obviously he really really likes me and that they have cuddles all the time as I’ve probably seen! The cuddles I’ve seen she initiates them with arms open and he just walks into her! Which I haven’t thought anything about it! It was when she was talking down to me like I was a child myself! Threw me! Then got me thinking!

OP posts:

Sugargliderwombat · 23/09/2025 22:06

She shouldn't be initiating them. I'd email and say it's great he likes her but could she wait for him to initiate any cuddles.

londongirl12 · 23/09/2025 22:06

You sound a little jealous, especially as you say he’s not an overly cuddly child. My DS was always having cuddles from his teacher and TA. I loved it that he felt so safe and secure there.

Sugargliderwombat · 23/09/2025 22:08

Just reread thta you didnt mind, sometimes OP staff in schools can be a bit quirky 😂. She might just not be great with adults but super with kids. I know quite a few staff like that! Some people in schools also feel it's their duty to be VERY serious and formal with parents.

Original poster

Pinky1990 · 23/09/2025 22:12

She is arms wide open! And he walks just walks into her! She said to me that I must have seen them cuddle yesterday morning it was like ner ner he gives me cuddle kinda thing!? Which I thought was strange that’s how it come across as shes standing above me! He did seem uncomfortable around her as she was holding him by the arms showing me how she gets him to concentrate on her! His eyes were all over the place considering he supposedly really really likes her!

OP posts:

CopperWhite · 23/09/2025 22:16

She sounds unprofessional on many levels.

NorthenAdventure · 23/09/2025 22:17

Pinky1990 · 23/09/2025 21:44

Yes you're overthinking it. My autistic son hugs the TA all the time and I'm so delighted he is comfortable enough with someone at school to do that. He absolutely adores her and I am over the moon about this, not jealous. This should be about your child, not your own feelings.

Coldtoesinthebed · 23/09/2025 22:19

I wouldn’t over think it, she has probably only mentioned it because so many people can be strange about their child cuddling a teacher (or anyone the child would knows well and the parent doesn’t) IMO it’s just her putting it out to give you the opportunity to object so she can cover her own back….its a difficult one historically we have been too relaxed so I completely understand why we are where we are but at the same time legitimately normal/healthy adult to child behaviour is often brought into question x

Kitkate21 · 23/09/2025 22:19

I have a small cohort of young people that just run up to you and hug you. They are between 11-13 but their developmental age is much lower. We don't ever initiate hugs but there are a wee group who really do run at your for a cuddle after a holiday for example or if they are upset. Those pupils parent/carer we know really well and if I'd ever thought to mention it I would hope that parents and carers wouldn't feel upset about that. Sometimes we would mention seeing them off for the day 'jimmy had a bit of an unsettled lunch time but had a few mins to take a breather, dived at me for a hug and went off to class no bother' or very similar!

TryingAgainAgainAgain · 23/09/2025 22:35

I've worked as a one-to-one SEN TA, and from experience there are TAs who are very keen on getting validation from the kids that they are liked and have a special bond with them. It's not healthy or appropriate.

Just as with any other job, there's a mix of people and some will be unprofessional or odd. I'm all for providing comfort to a child via a hug if needed, but she shouldn't be initiating this without reason, or making a big deal out of it. She is there to support your son, not meet her own need to be validated.

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