School refusal/anxiety - time to change?

[Onemoremin]

Our DD (7) has always struggled with going to school ranging from a bit emotional to complete refusal. It’s rare to have a day with no pushback. She has a good group of friends & I don’t believe there’s any bullying going on. She goes to after school clubs etc. fine.

Her main reason for not wanting to go is me so separation anxiety plays a big part. We’ve tried various ways of making drop off less stressful (comfort items, breakfast club, routine etc) but they only work for short bursts. School have been involved but as she’s ‘fine’ once in aren’t really too concerned. She bottles everything up for us at the end of the day & the emotions are big!

She’s at quite a big school & we’ve wondered if we should consider moving her to a smaller setting that’s less overwhelming & may be able to better suit her needs? She loves to learn & is very bright and don’t want her to lose her spark through worrying about going to school.

Would be great to hear from others who have experienced similar or to know what you would do in this situation?

hmmmm you could be jumping into the fire. If she knows no one at the new school its a big jump especially if she has friends at this school. It could make the anxiety worse.

Any sen / asd ect

People and environment are key. So if you was going to swap schools how do you know its any better unless its a lot less children (sensory).

Still only Sept and been in a couple of weeks. New teacher etc. Potentially id wait it out a bit longer.

I could have written your post, almost word for word! You are very much not alone.

In the end, we made the decision to move our dd to a school with a much stronger pastoral team and so far, it's been absolutely the right decision. We still have the odd tricky morning but now there's loads more help for her if shes struggling.

I also did a parenting course about anxiety which I found really helpful and it gave me some good strategies to try at home.

Feel free to DM me!

This was one of my indicators for autism tbh. I’ve thought about changing schools for a smaller one but I think the change would make it worse. A trusted adult in school seems to help and I’m looking at whether she has unmet sensory needs

The same thought has crossed our minds hence interested in how others would approach ☺️

No known ASD/SEN needs.

The alternative schools would have familiar faces to her so hopefully would ease that worry. She’s also very confident and makes friends quite easily.

The transition into year 3 is obviously a big change so we’re mindful of things needing time to settle so won’t rush into any decisions. Just want to try & do the right thing for her long term.

Thank you! It can feel like a very lonely place some mornings.

What school year did you make the move for your dd? There’s never a perfect time but I just feel like we need to consider doing something more to try and help.

If she has friends there and is settled at all other times then I wouldn't be in a rush to move her. Is she fine at break and lunch times? Have you tried someone else taking her to school? Could her dad or a friends mum take her for a week and see how that goes? Make it a 'special treat'.

Could she go on a day visit to another school just to see how it compares? If she immediately feels more comfortable going there then it might help, but you might just be moving the problem with her.

Year 3. It was a very tough decision, but her anxiety was getting worse and worse and there was very little in the way of pastoral or sen support where she was so we had to take the gamble.

This book was really helpful to support her at home. Would recommend!