Headteacher

[Misschandlerbong]

Good morning
My DD9 headteacher called this morning to discuss a matter re her. Then she went on to say she had a couple of other issues with DD. She said she noticed this morning she was filthy! That was gorgeous exact words... filthy. To which I blow my top and said my child isn't filthy.
Is she ok to use this word as I find it pretty nasty and made me feel like a bad mum or even dirty..

Is this a real post? As there aren't enough details to really discern what's happened here.

Hi.
Yes it is real. I posted in haste I meant to say that was the teachers exact words..
Also my daughter always puts gel in her hair. Shes come out of school and said she also told her that she needs to wash her hair.

Why do you think she said that? Did she explain further?

Hard to comment without knowing g more.
if your daughter fell over on the way to school and landed in a puddle she may well have been filthy.

what’s the circumstances?

Did you ask her to expand on that? What about her appearance did she think was an issue?

What do you think the head’s reason’s for phoning you and saying these things?
I mean being a head teacher is a pretty big job and people get angry at you every day so it seems unlikely that the head would ring you saying things like this for the sheer hell of it!

It seems more likely that there are safeguarding concerns re your dd and you will resolve them much more easily if you discuss it calmly rather than losing your temper and “blowing up”

If a child has got to the point of being “filthy” then the headteacher should have first been asking if the parent needed support with tackling the underlying reasons. Have there been previous conversations that you haven’t heeded?

YABVU to “blow your top” at the headteacher - they are trying to help your DD.

She didn't fall. She just had a jacket on that was a bit mucky on the cuffs. She rang due to an argument with another pupil but then started to list all this other 💩 at me. I used to work on this school and left due to different issues with her.
There are no reason for SG though 😕

It’s much nicer of her to tell you down the phone than get social services etc.. involved. You need to make sure you send her in pristine from now on.

Maybe justified maybe not.
Sounds rather scruffy, hair gel and grubby cuffs.
Maybe you just don’t “see” it.

I see everything
We recently come from DV and I have done everything I POSSIBLY can to make my girls lives better.
I ask a question jus5 to see if a teacher could call my child filthy a headteacher that I may add thats a complete bitch as when I worked there and fled the DV and on the sick rang me EVERY other day to see when I'll go back!?
Thanks for making me more upset

She does go pristine most days btw as shes the I want to look nice with hair and stuff. She is the complete opposite to my elder DD who would be happy to be in mud

Hair gel isn't scruff though, jt makes your hair more neat and slicked back, I don't see what that has to do with the scruff look. I'd just ignore it OP, there's no grounds to refer to SS, there's no concerns of neglect.

Was your daughter in the wrong about the argument she got into?

does she mean her hair looks greasy? Gel can make it look really greasy & grimy to be fair.
Doesnt warrant her saying your child is filthy though.

Did she say “she is filthy” or did she say “her coat is filthy”?

If the school has noticed a sudden change in her appearance, especially in a child where it is known there has been a complex home situation, then they are right to check in when they notice these things.

Hair gel can dry and look crusty like dandruff or greasy.
It’s a fine line.
Without a photo no one can tell, no I don’t want a photo.
Just like anything, take the concept onboard maybe there’s room for improvement.
Maybe your relationship with the school has broken down and a different school option or way of communication would be better; email? Less emotional plus written “proof”.

I would be absolutly mortified if that was said about my child, the head wouldn’t say something that extreme unless it was true, stop with the hair gel, brush her hair, wash uniforms regularly and make sure she is washed and not grubby.

I would imagine if you have fled DV you also have serviced involved with you already. Therefore if a pupil who is already under the radar of SS came to school with hair that looked unwashed (and yes gel can do that) and a dirty coat (over a sustained period of time) then alam bells would be ringing with the staff as it could be a sign you are struggling?

Would you rather they ignored it and then let something potentially happen to your child?

And you are doing yourself no favours by calling her a bitch either…I suspect there is far more to this story and the reasons why you no longer work at the school.

Make sure all of her clothes are clean before letting her leave in the morning. Also check her nails are clean because SS always check nails.