Any other new starters not enjoying school?

[Hobsons123]

My 4 year old started reception last week & just seems really sad. His class started on the Monday and did full days from the start. Maybe it would have been better to be staggered or at least a shorter week but it is what it is. A lot of the other children went to the attached preschool so already know each other but my son didn't know anyone. He's normally fairly outgoing & had lots of friends at his preschool but he doesn't seem to be making friends in his class. It's early days so I've not mentioned anything to his teacher but I'm worried that he's not happy. Anyone else's child the same?

My ds was like this. Half his class knew each other already, it’s hard to break in and he badly missed his preschool best friend (still does, they are like long-lost brothers when we meet up for playdates!)

It settles. Ds now in Y2 and has someone I’d describe as a good friend but not a best friend. He has a big circle of friends to play with and only occasionally finds himself playing alone.

Mention to class teacher so can keep an eye and introduce

Reception teacher here. It's very early days, so please try not to be disheartened as I'm sure he will settle soon. I understand how heartbreaking it can be though, seeing a previously sociable child struggle to find their crew in a new setting. It will happen though. He obviously has good social skills if he's had no issues with friendships in the past, so I'm sure he will make new friends when he feels more settled.

Definitely have a word with the teacher. You won't be seen to be fussing at all. It's important for them to know if you think he's struggling with friendships, especially as you say most of the other children know each other already. It can be hard for a child to start from a different setting to everyone else. Either they'll be able to reassure you that he does seem happy in school, even if he is coming home seemingly sad (they're so exhausted in the early days that it can affect their mood), or they'll try to buddy him up with some other children to help him make friends. Either way, I'm sure they'll keep a closer eye on him over the next few days if you bring up your concerns.

Fingers crossed he settles soon 🤞🏼

Thank you for the advice. It's really useful to know I should mention it to the teacher, as I didn't want to be seen as a pain this early on. Hopefully things will improve soon. It's just difficult seeing your normally happy 4 year old feeling sad.

Mine also knows no one, there's 1 from her nursery but they didn't do any days together. I'm trying to remember that they don't have the social thought process that an adult would where they can really consider that others are already friendly. They are also likely to be sad regardless as they're tired and its all new, we are definitely walking on eggshells!

Do they school do buddies, or a buddy bench? Ours has year 6s play or check in with them at playtime. Apparently DDs buddy helped her down from a tree yesterday when she got stuck which I thought was sweet.

Also can you drive stuff a bit from your side, its not necessarily my favourite thing but I'm making an effort to get to know the parents, attended a pre school meet ups, am finishing work early when there's suggestions of a play on the park after school. Just giving her more chances to see other kids when they're not with all their pre school friends.

If he had good friends before I'm sure he will be fine, but hopefully a quick word with the teacher will reassure you.

My DC started last year and 26 out of 30 children had been to the preschool, my DC hadn’t been to the pre school and the other 3 knew each other from a different pre school.

They did enjoy school but I remember after half term they asked if they could change schools and go to the one all their nursery friends went to which made me feel awful.

It’s been a year now and they have plenty of friends although still not a best friend. I don’t think anyone would notice they didn’t go to the pre school now so it does get better/ they start to fit in.

Definitely speak to the teacher though.

My dd is hating it so much im considering home educating instead. It’s impossible to get her ready and she’s so upset and overwhelmed

It’s completely understandable to be concerned. Honestly, it’s early days - it will improve. The children are still finding their feet and missing parents. It won’t be long before those struggling a little bit are happily playing and settled. I’d mention it to the teacher. They can keep a close eye and arrange for him to be with other children during break and lunch. I hope he is feeling happier very soon.

@Bournetilly I would say having a best friend is very overrated. I’ve seen real problems when the best friend moves away. Dc left behind can feel bereft. There can also be unexpected jealous feelings if best friend is “poached” and wants a wider friendship group. Sometimes the dc with only one best friend is left behind in these scenarios. They feel alone. So having lots of friends is very much the best situation.

Thanks for all the advice. We had a curriculum meeting at school this evening so I had chance to talk to his teacher. She said that he's super confident in class and does get involved with other children. She's not gone out at play time with them much this week but she's going to go and check on him & just make sure he's playing with someone. I feel so relieved that she was lovely about it & is happy to check on him. Hopefully it's just teething problems and will resolve in time. Good luck to all the other children struggling too.