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DS4 regressing?

4 replies

SainteCroissante · 25/08/2025 11:35

Looking for some perspective & opinions: My eldest, DS4, has just started P1 (we're in Scotland), and we're off to a rough start I feel. He's born late in the year, so definitely among the youngest in his class, and I also think he's just young for his age - which would be fine, everyone develops at their own speed, only that I fear that it will taint his experience at school. He's okay with heading to the school grounds in the mornings, but sending him in is a protracted affair with lots of hugs and assurances, and him turning around numerous times with tears in his eyes. It is absolutely breaking my heart to be honest.

While waiting to be let into school he seems to regress to the baby stage, instead of running around - even with the few kids he knows from nursery - he will cling to me or his dad, do his baby voice, not want to let go from my leg, etc. I think he is imitating his toddler brother, who ironically enough would like nothing more than to be able to follow his older brother into school...

We try to be upbeat and gentle, but have now been told by his teacher that he misbehaves in class, mostly not listening and not joining in activities when prompted. - It wasn't in a formal setting, she just checked in with my partner about whether this was a thing at home as well.

I know it's early, but I've been rattled by this, probably because I know nothing of the school system here, not having grown up in the UK, so it's a bit of an unknown, plus the mum guilt just running wild (should we have deferred? nursery said he was totally ready... Is it because I work full-time?). I'm a bit of an emotional mess about it, and don't want to overreact (well maybe too late for that), but I am also looking for better strategies in dealing with it. I thought hearing other people's experiences and thoughts might help.

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TheNightingalesStarling · 25/08/2025 15:40

Did he attend nursery?
Do you know how he compares age rise to the rest of the class? My understanding is some might be nearly six, which is a massive difference to a 4 5yo (the potential youngest).

Plus is he getting enough sleep? He sounds very tired.

BoleynMemories13 · 25/08/2025 17:54

Did they actually say he is 'misbehaving', or was this your partner's interpretation of being asked whether this was normal behaviour for him?

It's still very early days and it's not unusual for some children to take a while to settle into a new setting/new routine. They are usually absolutely shattered in the first few weeks of starting school. All those new experiences really take it out of them, and it's not uncommon for their behaviour to suffer (especially with parents, they feel safe and secure with you so you tend to get the worst of them for a while, as they let it all out in your presence). Reverting back to toddler like mannerisms is not uncommon either, until they have adjusted and feel safe and secure once more.

I'd say you all need to give it time (school included, hopefully they were just enquiring whether it is normal for him not to want to join in etc, rather than labeling his deregulation as misbehaving at this very early settling in stage). It is definitely not unusual for a 4 year old to struggle to listen when they start school either. Hopefully by Christmas it will be a completely different story, once he's settled.

Ginny98 · 25/08/2025 22:02

P1 is hard!

It takes a good 6 weeks for the children to settle in to it, and some much much longer. Our son didn’t find his feet until after Christmas.

Give it a bit of time and he’ll be grand

SainteCroissante · 25/08/2025 22:05

@TheNightingalesStarling he did attend nursery, yes, and was usually fine there. Never had his behaviour called out, quite the opposite. And yes he is definitely among the youngest. There's a fair few in the classe that turned 5 a while ago.

@BoleynMemories13 I was questioning my partner re: the exact wording, and from what he described I do think it was just the teacher trying to get some background information, apparently she did not dwell on the subject... You are definitely right about him being shattered after class...

Thank you all for your replies, it really helped to hear some reasonable opinions. I hope that it's just that, him needing a bit more time to settle in and be more at ease...

I will try and find a way for myself to handle the toddler behaviour better, as I find it particularly annoying and grating.

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